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Tornado Rex - Board James (Episode 9)

(Board James holds up the Tornado Rex box as he and Motherfucker Mike look at it.)

Board James: It's Tornado Rex!

Motherfucker Mike: Wow! (Reading the box) "Race to the top but beware of Tornado Rex."

BJ: (Points at the words "Tornado" and then "Rex): T-Rex!

MM: Wow.

BJ: High winds and high excitement! (Board James and Motherfucker Mike put the game together) You know, this would be better though if we had someone to play it with.

MM: Hmm.  Yeah, let's get somebody else.

Bad Luck Bootsy: (Peers through the opening of Board James bedroom door) Hey guys, can I play?

BJ: Bad Luck Bootsy?

MM: (Groans) Bad Luck Bootsy?

BJ: (Looks at Motherfucker Mike) You had to jinx it!

MM: He's an asshole!

BJ: He's a doody head!

MM: I think that dude like fucked a frog one time!

BJ: He's a fuckface.

MM: He's an idiot!

BJ: He sucks his own dick.

BLB: Aw, come on! (Bootsy slowly walks into the room, making some beeping sound effects, and sits down in front of the game)

BJ: Bootsy! You know that one time I almost had that Rubix Cube solved 'til you came along and fucked it up!

BLB: It was an honest mistake. I'm a boob sometimes, what can I say?

BJ: (Notices Bootsy tossing the spinner back and forth) Whoa, whoa, whoa, you can play the game. (Bootsy lets the spinner fly off by mistake) Be careful with that thing! I got it.

MM: What are you doing?

BJ: This is how it works. With Tornado Rex, you put the tornado on the mound. (Twists the tornado on the spinner) Do it three times. Any more than three times is way too much because this thing will go flying and it will kill somebody, you'll poke your eye out and die. You got that?

MM: (Speaks to Bootsy) You only spin it three times. Can you even count to three?

BLB: One, ta-hoo, three. Let's play this game, guys.

MM: I'll be red.

BLB: I'll be yellow.

BJ: Here's what you do: You take your hikers, you got two hikers each, you gotta go from the start to the finish. That's pretty easy, right? From start to the finish without getting hit by the tornado. This is not a game that uses dice for some reason, it uses cards. Where's the cards?

BLB: No dice?

BJ: (Continues previous sentence) And if you draw a Tornado Rex card, you unleash Tornado Rex(Tornado Rex is unleashed onto the board, knocking pieces over as the three shout.)

BLB: (Speaks to Board James while he grabs the spinner) My turn to do this, right?

BJ: I trust you. Three winds.

BLB: Three winds? Ready? Count 'em. (Winds the tornado) One, two, (points it at Board James) Fuck you. (Chuckles) Just kidding with you, I would never do that. (Bootsy accidentally releases the tornado as the three shout and the hikers are sent flying off the board.)

(Rock music plays)

Bootsy Spankins: ♪ Tornado Rex, ready for the ride. Tornado Rex, you've got nowhere to hide. When the devil calls your name, you must abide! ♪

(Montage of Tornado Rex game-play is shown.)

Bad Luck Bootsy: Yippee! (Mimics a gun and makes some fart noises with his armpit) Bang, bang, ya dead! Bang, bang, ya dead! (Laughs)

Bootsy Spankins: ♪ Now you're climbing up the edge of a mountain top. Now you're climbing 'til you reach the sky but you better not wake Tornado Rex cause he's gonna make sure you die! Tornado Rex, ready for the ride. Tornado Rex, you've got nowhere to hide. When the devil calls your name, you better fucking abide! ♪

(Motherfucker Mike and Board James begin to argue as Bootsy winds up the spinner multiple times.)

Board James: Stop cheating!

Motherfucker Mike: I'm cheating? What have I done to cheat?

BJ: Just a second ago, I saw you moving pieces around.

MM: I didn't fucking move shit, motherfucker!

BJ: Yeah you did, I saw you with the cards... sneaking the cards up your sleeves.

MM: I did not fucking put anything up my sleeve. I saw you put something up your ass though.

BJ: You were blowing on the pieces, I saw you doing that. 

MM: I saw you blowing a goat last night!

BJ: You know what, dude? I'm just sick of your fucking shit. 

(The tornado flies off of the spinner as a shocked Board James, Motherfucker Mike and Bootsy watch it fly around the room. It finally stabs Bootsy in his right eye, which is pouring blood as Board James and Motherfucker Mike stare on in shock and Bootsy screams in agony as the episode ends.)

(The credits roll on with the Tornado Rex theme song)

BLB: Aw, shucks!