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Board James Dream Phone (Episode 19)

Board James Dream Phone (Episode 19)

(Episode begins with James, Mike and Bootsy playing The Game of Life at Bootsy's room)

Board James: We're living life here.

Motherfucker Mike: Stock market.

Bad Luck Bootsy: Taxes due.

Board James: I just got married!

Motherfucker Mike: Ooh, payday!

Bad Luck Bootsy: Ah!

Board James: All right, you forfeit your turn, again!

Motherfucker Mike: Run for mayor! All right!

Board James: Mayor? You as mayor?

Bad Luck Bootsy: Ski accident, pay 5,000 dollars.

Board James: Payday!

Motherfucker Mike: Baby boy!

Board James: Stop having so many kids, you... fucking asshole.

Bad Luck Bootsy: Buy books and supplies, pay 5,000 dollars. I already did that shit ten years ago in college.

Board James: You have a college degree?

Bad Luck Bootsy: Bioengineering.

(Montage continues as Board James' friends play the Game of Life. Motherfucker Mike wins)

Motherfucker Mike: I win!

Board James: All right, guys. Well, that was fun. What do you wanna play next?

Bad Luck Bootsy: I got a game. (He picks up the Dream Phone board game) Dream Phone.

Motherfucker Mike: Are you kidding me?

Board James: But this is a girl's game. This is for a little girl.

Bad Luck Bootsy: That's a buncha hogwash. You guys are a buncha wise acres, huh? This is a great game, trust me on this! Trust meee!

Motherfucker Mike: All right, if that's what you want.

Board James: All right. We're gonna play... Dream Phone.

(James and Mike agrees to play Dream Phone and Bootsy also agrees it)

Board James: All right, so, the goal of the game is to figure out which one of these hunky guys likes you.

Dream Phone Female Voice: Hi! I just heard! It's not Steve.

(Mike crosses out Steve)

Motherfucker Mike: Oh...

Dream Phone Male Voice #1: I know where he hangs out. He's not at the beach.

Dream Phone Male Voice #2: He'll eat almost anything, except pizza.

(Mike crosses out Gary)

Dream Phone Male Voice #3: Hello! I know who it is, but I'm not telling. Ha ha!

Bad Luck Bootsy: Fuck you! FUCK YOU! You piece of fucking shit!

(Dream Phone Theme Song plays, sung by Bad Luck Bootsy)

♫ I keep dreamin', dreamin' 'bout my Dream Phone ♫

♫ I keep believin' he'll call me when I'm home alone ♫

♫ He's gonna make my dreams come true ♫

Board James: First player who guesses their secret admirer wins the game.

♫ My bed has room enough for two, Yeah ♫

♫ I keep dreamin', dreamin' 'bout my Dream Phone ♫

Bad Luck Bootsy: Mom says "hang up!"

Motherfucker Mike: Oh, drop dead, Bootsy.

Dream Phone Male Voice #1: He looks cool in whatever he wears. He's not wearing a jacket.

(James crosses out other names)

Bad Luck Bootsy: I'm gonna guess Gary. (The Dream Phone rings)

Dream Phone Male Voice #3: Nice try, but it's not me.

♫ I keep callin' but no one hears ♫

♫ Please help dry up my tears ♫

Board James: All right, I think I'm gonna guess who it is. (He dials in the Dream Phone to see who it is)

♫ I keep dreamin', dreamin' 'bout my Dream Phone ♫

Dream Phone: You're right! I really like you.

Board James: I win!

Motherfucker Mike: You know, whatever.

Bad Luck Bootsy: You guys have to admit... pretty fun game.

Motherfucker Mike: Well, I would hate to admit it, 'cause it's such like a girl game, but it actually is pretty intense.

Board James: Who would've thought this game would be so awesome?! Forget that it's targeted towards young girls; it plays like a detective game--you really gotta think. Like, imagine if it's the same exact game, same rules and everything, but instead of trying to find a guy who likes you, it's all about solving a murder case.

Motherfucker Mike: Yeah, it's kinda like Clue, actually.

Bad Luck Bootsy: Or like, um, like, ah, Candy Land!

Motherfucker Mike: No.

Board James: I'm gonna go home, all right guys? Just gotta get going here--

Bad Luck Bootsy: Ah-w-w-w-w-w-w-wait up, man. Before you go, I would like you to have this game.

Board James: I don't need it, I have plenty of games at home, so--

Bad Luck Bootsy: Ah, it would look great in your collection, I insist.

Motherfucker Mike: Yeah, you should take it, you're a girly girl.

Bad Luck Bootsy: (Bootsy laughs) Yeah you girly girl, yeah you girly girl. Plus, I got like fifteen of these at home, and you'd be really getting it out of my hair. Really. I insist. Take it. It's on me! Thank me later.

Board James: I will. OK?

(Cut to night at James' house. In the basement, he goes down the stairs with crickets chirping)

Board James: Bootsy, Bootsy, Bootsy...

(He puts away the Dream Phone game in the board game room, then as James walks away, The Dream Phone rings. He walks back as it opens the Dream Phone box, then he takes the batteries and puts it back. James walks away and hears the Dream Phone ringing again. He walks back and the Dream Phone picks up calling in an evil tone)

Dream Phone: Hello?

Board James: Hello?

Dream Phone: Oh, hi.

Board James: That's weird.

Dream Phone: That's weird.

Board James: You can hear me?

Dream Phone: Yeah, I can hear you. Good evening.

Board James: Who is this?

Dream Phone: I'm just a secret admirer. I really like you.

(He hangs up the Dream Phone and he picks up the instructions. The instructions are "Here's How the Dream Phone Works!" and parts of the instructions said "not a real phone". James begin to think. Later, he watches a movie, "Night of the Living Dead" on TV, which is simallar in a different movie in a different scene to the Mr. Bucket episode. Then he continues to read the instructions. The Dream Phone rings again and calls in annoyance)

Board James: Hello?

Dream Phone: Hi. Please don't hang up. I just want to get to know you, that's all.

Board James: Look, I don't know how you're doing this, but it's gotta stop, OK? It's not funny anymore.

Dream Phone: Hey, I'm just a normal guy. We have a lot in common. I'm sure we could play some board games together. You like board games, right?

(He agrees to like board games)

Board James: Sure.

Dream Phone: What's your favorite board game?

(James hungs up the Dream Phone again. He is rested on the couch while he continues to watch the movie. then it rings the Dream Phone yet again)

Board James: Cut it out!

Dream Phone: Hey, please, don't hang up. We can talk about movies. I see you're watching Night of the Living Dead.

(On the TV, a scary dead monster is shown in the movie in an horrorous effect. James is being scared and he goes up off the couch)

Board James: You see what?!

Dream Phone: That's a good scary movie.

Board James: You hear it. Of course. You must really know your movies.

Dream Phone: I like that hat you're wearing.

Board James: What hat?! C'mon, what's on my hat?!

Dream Phone: Thundercats. Ho!

(The Dream Phone hungs up on the top of the couch, then James walks in the curtain, looking. The Dream Phone still rings again. Then he thinks on something as a purple card on displaying a photo of Motherfucker Mike.)

Board James: That motherfucker. (He calls the Dream Phone again)

Dream Phone: You hung up on me again. You can't keep doing that. You're gonna hurt my feelings. I get lonely all the time. Go ahead, call your friend. Heh. It's like a game. This is fun.

(He went into the kitchen where the other phone is on the table to call in for Mike)

Motherfucker Mike: Hello?

Board James: Hey Mike, come to the window.

Dream Phone: What are you trying to prove here, James?

Motherfucker Mike: OK, I'm here. What is it?

Dream Phone: Hey, did you hear? It's not Mike!

(James is confused on the two phones, then Mike hangs up on the other phone)

Board James: Nothing. Never mind.

Dream Phone: You hang up on me again, I'm gonna rip your intestines out and hang 'em from the ceiling.

(James hangs up the Dream Phone, then he thinks on a yellow card on displaying a photo of Bad Luck Bootsy. He calls in on the other phone again for Bootsy)

Bad Luck Bootsy: How you doing, James?

Board James: Hey, Bootsy. What're you up to?

Bad Luck Bootsy: Eh, nothing. Just twiddling my thumbs.

Board James: Doing nothing, huh? You wanna come over?

Bad Luck Bootsy: Really?

Board James: Yeah, play some Boggle, Super Mario Brothers?

Bad Luck Bootsy: Or some Twister? Do you like breakdancing? Parcheesi maybe?

Board James: Yeah, come over. I bet you can get over here pretty fast from wherever you are.

Bad Luck Bootsy: Yeah, well, I don't know if you heard, I got my dick bit off by a shark last week, so uh, I'll try to speedwalk. Might take me a few.

Board James: All right, I'll see you. (He hungs up to Bootsy, then leaves the kitchen and walks into the curtain again which he saw nothing outside)

Board James: Where is he?

(He walk away the curtains and we cut to James, who is about to get some sleep. Suddenly, the door creaks and shuts as he hears the sound from the closet. He gets off on the bed and goes down the stairs)

Board James: Bootsy? Bootsy?

(He goes into the other rooms to find for Bootsy. Then the other room is filled with blood over in the carpet. James walks and opens the closet as he gasps. Close-up to a dead Bootsy which he's hanging in the closet)

Board James: Oh, shit! (He closes the closet door) Oh well, he's dead.

(The Dream Phone still rings again and goes to back into the kitchen. He calls in and dials in on the other phone)

Board James: Listen, I'm gonna call the police right now.

Dream Phone: You're gonna call the police when you have a dead body in the house? Who do you think's gonna get the blame?

Board James: They'll trace the call, or... something. They'll find you.

Dream Phone: (evil laugh) Trace what? What're you gonna tell them? You got a call from a toy phone? From a girl's game?

(He puts the other phone back and walks in the living room)

Board James: What do you want from me?

Dream Phone: I just want to play a game.

Board James: Who are you?!

Dream Phone: Tell you what. We'll make it a guessing game. You can ask me anything you want, as long as it's a yes or no question.

Board James: Okay. Are you in the house?

Dream Phone: Yes.

Board James: Who the hell are you?!

Dream Phone: That's not a yes or no question!

(James thinks on Mike in a black-and-white flashback, which was seen earlier in this episode)

Motherfucker Mike: Drop dead, Bootsy.

Board James: Are you Mike?

Dream Phone: Why don't you call him and find out?!

(James throws the Dream Phone, angrily. Then he walks back into the kitchen, calling Mike again)

Motherfucker Mike: Hello?

Board James: Mike, you better get over here right now, it's a real emergency this time.

Motherfucker Mike: Oh, no. Is this what I think it is?

Board James: No, it's not like last time. The bucket, I never touched the damn thing since.

Motherfucker Mike: All right, I'll be right there.

Board James: All right.

(He hungs on Mike, then he looks at the window, as frustrated. Meanwhile, Mike went into James' house at the backdoor, which he went to see Mike to come over at the closet)

Board James: Come over here.

Motherfucker Mike: Okay...

Board James: Look in the closet.

Motherfucker Mike: (softly) Closet...

(Mike opens closet, revealing the Bootsy must have been dead and he screams)

Motherfucker Mike: Jesus fucking Christ! He's dead! Did you kill him?

Board James: No! Did you?

Motherfucker Mike: No! Well, he's dead.

Board James: Yeah, heh.

(Mike laughs then suddenly it closes the door and we hear struggling, stabbing, groaning, choking sounds as James tries to open the door. He screams out of the door and we show a dead-choking Mike get hit by a knife. He picks up the knife from Mike's body and the Dream Phone rings again)

Dream Phone: I'm gonna cut your heart out and force it into your throat.

Board James: Where are you?

Dream Phone: That's not a yes or no question!

(He walks in with the knife and we see a close-up again of dead Mike. He went back in the basement)

Board James: The fuck are you?

(The Dream Phone laughs and he enters the board game room)

Board James: Am I getting warmer?

Dream Phone: You're already warm. Trust me.

(He throws out the Dream Phone box, frustrating)

Board James: The fuck are you?

Dream Phone: C'mon, who am I? Take a guess. You know who I am. Say my name. In fact, I'll give you a hint: I'm closer than you think. I've been watching you all night. I'm gonna fuck you so hard steam's gonna come outta your ears and your eyeballs are gonna come popping outta your fucking skull! Who am I? Say my name, motherfucker! I'm gonna grab your skull and gnaw your fucking face off like a motherfucking rat! Take a guess, if you have the balls. And I KNOW you have the balls.

(He surprised and walks slowly in the sink where the Mr. Bucket is in there. He picks up Mr. Bucket with a knife, then he nods. The Dream Phone laughs)

Dream Phone: You can do better than that!

Board James: Oh, yeah? (He puts the Mr. Bucket back in the sink) You can see me right now? Huh?

Dream Phone: Yes.

Board James: Well then what am I doing right now? (He gives us the middle finger)

Dream Phone: Flipping the bird!

Board James: That's not a yes or no question. Now tell me right now, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!

(The Dream Phone continues to laugh evily, then he gets inside the other closet. Later, we show James on a hibiscus flower head)

Board James: Heh, you can't see me now, you demented fucker!

Dream Phone: Hah, no I can't. I can't see those gorgeous flowers on your head. Boy, does that make you look fantastic.

(He takes off the hibiscus flower head, then he looks over ways)

Board James: I'm in the closet! How can you see me?!

Dream Phone: Well, you sure got a HOLD on me!

(He thinks that the Dream Phone is trying to kill James, which is now being frustrated and it STILL continues to laugh evily as it turned in a flying Dream Phone. He gasps and yells then he gets out in the closet)

Board James: Fuck! (He falls off on the floor, along with the knife)

Dream Phone: I just want to be your Dream Phone!

(James is scared, then runs out of the basement. The Dream Phone picks up the knife)

Dream Phone: Where you going? James! Where you going, James? I'm just gonna slit your FUCKING THROAT OPEN!

(He closes the basement door, but the Dream Phone goes into the doorknob and knocks James out opening the basement door. He yells in pain and slides in to the kitchen slowly as he sees the Dream Phone flys in with the knife out in the basement door)

Dream Phone: Hold steady!

(James continues to slide in and begins to laugh nervously)

Dream Phone: Here it comes!

(James kicks out the Dream Phone with the knife then attacks itself)

Board James: C'mon, you fucking piece of shit!

(The Dream Phone attacks James' neck, screaming.)'

Board James: Die in fucking hell, you piece of shit!

'(Then he punches as the Dream Phone yells in pain)

Board James: I'll kick your asterisk, you hot pink piece of shit! You always want me to hit pound? Well here's your fucking pound! 1-900-FUCK-YOU! Dial the operator? I'll show you how my fucking fist operates!

(After that, James puts the Dream Phone into the microwave and he pushes the buttons as he continues to frustrate)

Dream Phone: Why, let me outta here, please! (screaming) No! No!

(We see a close-up of the Dream Phone inside the microwave, as in an explosion effect, followed by a beeping microwave sound. Cut to black as sounds of sirens hearing from the police and we see photos of a bloody knife dead MotherFucker Mike and dead Bad Luck Bootsy hanging in a closet. we fade in to James showing with the knife, being stressed as a close-up. Then he laughs evily and angrilly in slow effects, cutting in a scare-off as the episode ends)

(As the credits roll, we hear the Dream Phone Theme Song again by Bootsy)

♫ I keep dreamin', dreamin' 'bout my dream phone ♫

♫ I keep believin' he'll call me when I'm home alone ♫

♫ He's gonna make my dreams come true ♫

♫ I keep callin' but no one hears ♫

♫ Please help dry up my tears ♫

♫ Yeah ♫

♫ I keep dreamin', dreamin' 'bout my dream phone ♫

Dream Phone: You're right! I really like you.

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