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AVGN_Presents_"ASTRO_BASTARDS"_TRAILER

AVGN Presents "ASTRO BASTARDS" TRAILER

The Nerd: Oh, my God! I just found an old trailer for a lost film called "Flying Fuckernauts vs. The Astro Bastards!" And this would've been a phenomenon in the world of cinema. This is the kind of stuff I wanna see. This is what life's all about. Now I don't need to say anything else, just sit back and watch.

(Trailer starts)

Narrator: (voice-over) In the year 2000... In the year 2015... In the year 9,000,009!

(Fuckernauts show two life forms on the screen)

Fuckernaut Keith: I have detected new life forms on this planet.

Fuckernaut James: Let us make contact.

(Fuckernauts beam themselves down as they have sex and high-five)

Narrator: (voice-over) "Flying Fuckernauts vs. The Astro Bastards!" The Fuckernauts, the intergalactic horndogs, warriors of procreation, spreading their seed throughout the far reaches of space! The Astro Bastards, forsaken offsprings of the Fuckernauts, rebel wrath childs preparing for war!

Astro Bastard: The conquest of our deadbeat dads must end! They fucked our ancestors! Resulting in our generations getting fucked! Now we're so fucked up! It's time to have our revenge!

Astro Bastard's Aliens: (they all cheer) Kill the Fuckernauts!

(Showing the scene of Captain's ship flying around outer space)

Narrator: (voice-over) In pursuit of the Fuckernauts, the Astro Bastards embark on a conquest clusterfuck.

Robot: Captain, which course shall we take to intercept the Fuckernauts?

Captain: Uh, just follow the Galactic Positioning System.

Robot: Yes, Captain.

Galactic Positioning System: Make a right in two parsecs.

(The asteroids hit the ship slightly)

Robot: (ship alarm) It's taking us through an asteroid field.

Captain: Why'd you trust that thing? (Yells)

(The ship enters the asteroid tunnel.)

Narrator: "Flying Fuckernauts vs. The Astro Bastards!" When science meets senselessness, the future becomes obsolete.

Fuckernaut Finn: Prepare the shields. (The ship activates the shields) Prepare full on torpedo attack.

Fuckernaut Jeff: Bling!

(Fuckernaut Jeff presses the button as he makes beeping sound then the ship fires itself on purpose)

Fuckernaut Jeff: Oh, you stupid, fucking idiot!

Fuckernaut Finn and Jeff: Why did you put the shields up when firing the torpan torpedos?!

(The other Fuckernauts scream as they beam themselves down to the building while they grunt then the ship comes down and destroys the building and they dies)

Narrator: "Flying Fuckernauts vs. The Astro Bastards!"

(The Fuckernauts shows an oncoming vessel on screen)

Fuckernaut Keith: We are receiving a signal from an oncoming vessel. They're requesting visual communication.

Fuckernaut James: Agreed to it. (Fuckernaut Keith turns the visual communication to the captain's ship as they pull their pants down and laugh then the captain reacts) How do you like that visual communication?

Captain: No negotiations! Fire!

Robot: Yes, Captain.

The Galactic Positioning System: Software update version 88.9.1.2.1.1.

Robot: Stand by, another update.

Captain: We just updated that thing last week!

Narrator: Flying Fuckernauts vs. The Astro Bastards!

Fuckernaut James: We are sorry, we'd like to call the truce.

Fuckernaut Keith: May we beam aboard to bring you a gift?

Captain: Accept... (walks into the transportation room as he shoots laser and shit then exclaims in disgust) Oh, God, what is that?

Fuckernaut Keith: (laughs and pulls up his pants after he takes a shit) That was the biggest shit I ever took.

Narrator: The search for intelligent life... may never end.

(The spaceships shoot laser and crash into each other with montage of epic battle scenes with lot of booms and pew-pews.)

Captain: (Grunts twice) Why don't this thing work?! (Screams)

(The spaceship crashes into the moon as blood comes out of the moon and the captain's defeat)

Narrator: (voice-over) "Flying Fuckernauts vs. The Astro Bastards!" See it with "Munky Fuck!" And "Thunder Fuckers!" A triple fucktuple feature. My favorite is "Munky Fuck!" This city is fucked.

(The trailer ends as credits begin to roll.)

Casts[]

  • James Rolfe as The Nerd, Narrator, and Fuckernaut James
  • Nathan Barnatt as Fuckernauth Keith
  • Doug Walker as Astro Bastard
  • Kyle Justin as Captain
  • Cassie Bresslier and Jon Giancola as Robots and Aliens
  • Mike Matei as Munky Fuck
  • Claire, Andre Meadows, Malcolm Ray, and Ashley Tisdale as Additional Voices

Trivia[]

  • Althrough the "Astro Bastards" movie is confirmed as lost film, actually fictional, this movie has been cancelled.
    • Astro Bastards actually a prototype to video game.
  • This vintage film "Astro Bastards" is parodying the elements from Space Invaders, Star Wars, Star Trek, Galaxian, Darius, Half-Life, Pulstar, and Flash Gordon, but in the style of the classic late-1940's movies.
  • James Rolfe has three roles acted.
    • The Nerd as being reviewed this lost film.
    • Narrator narrates the trailer.
    • Fuckernaut James as the member of the Fuckernaut.
  • Astrobastards cartridge

    The game's title uses the name from original notebook.

    The original name from the early 2000's notebook referred as "Flying Froggernauts vs. The Astro Bastards."
    • Althrough it's the game patch uses the word to avoid community guidelines.
  • This title is also inspiration of AVGN Atari 5200 episode when The Nerd calling some Space Invaders aliens or other Taito character such as Bub from Bubble Bobble and it's human form from Rainbow Islands using Scottish accent.
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