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Transcripts: Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu
Transcripts: Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu

Revision as of 23:49, November 17, 2012

Master chu1

Title card

Alright, this time, we have a guest reviewer and I don't know, this might be kinda weird, but... HEY! Come here! No, not there! (Shit pickle.) Hey, tell us- (Shit pickle.) Tell 'em your name. (Shiiiiiit pickle.) Yeah, this is Shit Pickle, everybody. (Shit pickle!) And Shit Pickle's gonna- (Shit pickle.) Shit Pickle's gonna help- (Shiit pickle.) He's gonna help me comment me on this game. Now- (Shit pickle!) This is a wierd one, and, uh, hey Shit Pickle? Do you like video games? (Shiiiiiit pickle pickle pickle shit shit.) Like Nintendo? (Pickle pickle shit shit pickle.) You ever play this game "Master Chu and the Drunkyard Hu?" (silence) Yeah. So, yeah, it's a wierd game, and you can just tell just be the cartridge. It's one of those weird baby blue cartridges, so you can tell right of the bat that it's a big piece of fucking shit. (Pickle.) (Shit pickle!) (Pickle, pickle, pickle, shit.) (Shit pickle.) The story involves a legendary siamese twin, Shiva from Hindu religion. She has filled the world with evil spirits. (Shit pickle.) Your best friend, Master Chu, has failed to stop them. And now, he's resorted to drinking, so now he's a drunk. (Pickle, pickle, pickle, shit.) However, Master Chu has not given up hope. It's up to him to bring the end to the evil Shiva. (Pickle.) Sounds pretty shitty. What do you think, Shit Pickle? (Shit pickle.) Yeah. There's only one reason to buy this game. And that's to be able to say, "I own 'Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu,'" so people can ackwardly stare at you. (Shhhhiiiiittt pickle, pickle pickle shit.) Your objective of each round is to locate all the ying-yang symbols in order to fight the boss. (Shit pickle.) You can shoot energy out of your hands, then you can upgrade to two shots of energy at the same time. You wanna try, Shit Pickle? (Pickle, pickle, pickle, pickle, shit pickle.) (Shhhiiiiittt pickle, shit pickle, shit pickle.) So, what do you think? (SHIT!) Exactly. Instead of pressing A or B to jump, like in most games, you have to press up, sorta like in "The Karate Kid." Maybe the control's so shitty because the programmers were trying to make Chu seem drunk. Or they were drunk themselves! There's endless waves of spiders, snakes, and other unnameable things that come after you. (Shiiiit pickle, shit pickle.) What are you talking about? Graphics? (Shit pickle.) Oh, yeah, a-absolutely. The best effect in this game is that when standing still, Chu's clothes wave around in the wind. Now, let's talk about the sound. It sucks! It's the same for every stage. The stereotypical Chinese music playing over and over in a loop. (Shit pickle.) So, after you beat the first level, the rest of this game is the same repetitive thing, over and over again. I mean, it's more fun taking a shit! (Shit.) For each board, you collect eight ying-yang symbols, you fight the boss, and then you collect the key. And by the way, the key is called "The Flaming Key of Freedom." Flaming, huh? Kinda like the flame whip in "Simon's Quest?" The boss fights aren't even challenging because all you have to do is is stand on the platform until they turn their back, then you drop down, land a few hits, and then you repeat. (Shhhiiiit pickle.) For the last boss in the game, Shiva, I was expecting something a little better. I don't know why, but all you get is this weird statue. And why the fuck is it green? I mean, could they have picked another putrid color but green? (Shit pickle.) So, after you beat the boss, you get to see the best ending in video game history. What a piece of shit! (Pickle!)

Transcripts: Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu

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