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Master chu1

Title card

AVGN: Alright, this time, we have a guest reviewer and I don't know, this might be kinda weird, but... HEY! Come here!

(An animated pickle jumps into the scene and lands on The Nerd's shoulder.)

Nerd: No, not there!

(The pickle jumps on a cushion to sit next to The Nerd.)

Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu - Angry Video Game Nerd - Episode 9

Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu - Angry Video Game Nerd - Episode 9

Shit Pickle: Shit pickle.

Nerd: Hey, tell us--

Shit Pickle: Shit pickle.

Nerd: Tell 'em your name.

Shit Pickle: Shiiiiiit Pickle.

Nerd: Yeah, this is Shit Pickle, everybody.

Shit Pickle: Shit pickle!

Nerd: And Shit Pickle's gonna--

Shit Pickle: Shit pickle.

Nerd: Shit Pickle's gonna help--

Shit Pickle: Shiit pickle.

Nerd: He's gonna help me... comment me on this game. Now--

Shit Pickle: Shit pickle!

Nerd: This is a weird one, and, uh, hey Shit Pickle? You like video games?

Shit Pickle: Shiiiiiit pickle pickle pickle shit shit.

Nerd: You like Nintendo?

Shit Pickle: Pickle pickle shit shit pickle.

Nerd: You ever play this game: Master Chu and the Drunkyard Hu?

Shit Pickle: (silence)

Nerd: Yeah.

Nerd: So, yeah, it's a weird game, and you can just tell, just by the cartridge. And it's one of those weird baby blue cartridges, so you can tell right off the bat that it's a big piece of fuckin' shit.

Shit Pickle: Pickle. Shiiiiiit pickle! Pickle, pickle, pickle, shit. Shit pickle.

Nerd: The story involves a legendary siamese twin, Shiva from Hindu religion. She has filled the world with evil spirits.

Shit Pickle: Shit pickle.

Nerd: Your best friend, Master Chu, has failed to stop them. And he's resorted to drinking, so now he's a drunk.

Shit Pickle: Pickle, pickle, pickle, shit.

Nerd: However, Master Chu has not given up hope. It's up to him to put an end to the evil Shiva.

Shit Pickle: Pickle.

Nerd: Sounds pretty shitty. What do you say, Shit Pickle?

Shit Pickle: Shit pickle.

Nerd: Yeah. There's really only one reason to buy this game, and that's to be able to say, "I own Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu," so people can awkardly stare at ya.

Shit Pickle: Shhhhiiiiittt pickle, pickle pickle shit.

Nerd: Your objective each round is to locate all the yin-yang symbols in order to fight the boss.

Shit Pickle: Shit pickle.

Nerd: You can shoot energy outta your hand, then you can upgrade to two shots of energy at the same time. You wanna try, Shit Pickle?

(The Nerd puts the NES controller on the cushion, which Shit Pickle hops on back and forth to control the game.)

Shit Pickle: Pickle, pickle, pickle, pickle, shit pickle. Shhhiiiiittt pickle, shit pickle, shit pickle.

Nerd: So what do you think?

Shit Pickle: SHIT!

Nerd: Exactly. Instead of pressing A or B to jump, like in most games, you have to press Up, sorta like in The Karate Kid. Maybe the control's so shitty because the programmers were tryin' to make Chu seem drunk. Or, they were drunk themselves! There's endless waves of spiders, snakes, and other unnameable things that come after you.

Shit Pickle: Shiiiit pickle, shit pickle.

Nerd: What are you talkin' about? The graphics?

Shit Pickle: Shit pickle.

Nerd: Oh yeah, a-absolutely. The best effect in this game is that when standing still, Chu's clothes wave around in the wind. Now let's talk about the sound. It sucks! And it's the same for every stage. Just stereotypical Chinese music playing over and over in a loop.

Shit Pickle: Shit pickle.

Nerd: So after you beat the first level, the rest of the game is just the same repetitive thing, over and over again. I mean, it's more fun takin' a shit!

Shit Pickle: Shit.

Nerd: Each board, you collect eight yin-yang symbols, you fight the boss, and then you get the key. And by the way, the key in this game is called "The Flaming Key of Freedom". Flaming, huh? Kinda like the flame whip in Simon's Quest. The boss fights aren't even challenging because all ya have to do is is stand on the platform until they turn their back, then you drop down, land a few hits, and then you repeat.

Shit Pickle: Shhhiiiit pickle.

Nerd: For the last boss in the game, Shiva, I was expecting something a little better. I don't know why, but, all you get is this weird statue. And why the fuck is it green? I mean, could they have picked another putrid color but green?

Shit Pickle: Shit pickle.

Nerd: So after you beat the boss, you get to see the best ending in video game history. What a piece of shit!

Shit Pickle: Pickle.

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