Angry Video Game Nerd Wiki

Back to the Future - Angry Video Game Nerd - Episode 6

The Nerd: This game is horrible!

Doc Brown: (screams)

The Nerd: This game... is so bad, I really don't wanna play it. But Darth Vader came from the planet Vulcan and said that he'll melt my brains if I don't, so, I don't have a choice.

Back to the Future[]

The Nerd: The first thing I really admire is how well it followed the movie. And ya gotta love that music.

Doc: Great Scott!

The Nerd: Sounds just like the movie, right?

Marty McFly: No!

The Nerd: And that's it. It just loops over and over again. And you're not gonna believe it, but that's all you hear the entire game.

Doc: I don't believe it!

The Nerd: Yep. From the title screen, all the way to the end, the same fuckin' music.

Marty: (screams) NOOOOOOOO!

The Nerd: I'd rather have a fuckin' buffalo take a diarrhea dump in my ear than subject them to this horrendous garbage. Now about the gameplay: well, you're racing against the time limit, and ya have to collect clocks to get more time. So that's pretty creative, isn't it? So you're walkin' through Hill Valley and every single thing you can imagine is out to kill you.

Marty: Holy SHIT!

The Nerd: Bullies, hula-hoop girls, killer bees...

Doc: (gasps)

The Nerd: ...and guys holding glass windows? Just like in the movie. What happened here? Is this Hill Valley or is it Hell?

Doc: No, it's Hill Valley, although I can't imagine Hell being much worse!

The Nerd: I never knew a hula-hoop girl could be so deadly. Why does she wanna kill Marty anyway?

Marty: He's an asshole!

The Nerd: Not to mention - it doesn't even look like Marty. Look at that black helmet head. Also, when did he ever wear that sleeveless black shirt? Oh look! I got a bowling ball. Remember that in the movie? Remember when Marty goes around throwing bowling balls at people? Whose idea was this?

Biff Tannen: Buttheads.

The Nerd: What were they thinking?

Biff: Hello! Hello, anybody home? Huh?

The Nerd: Ah, the skateboard. Now that makes a lot more sense. But it's the most annoying thing in the game. Yeah, it makes ya go faster, but ya can't stop. You crash into everything, and it makes it a whole hell of a lot fuckin' harder.

Marty: Whoa - this is heavy.

The Nerd: Jumping is useless. Try jumping over the bench, you'll never make it. So what's the point of having a jump button, if it doesn't help at all? What are those guys doing with that window anyway? And why are those giant bees always coming out? Gimme a break!

The Nerd: And what the fuck is Marty doing when he gets killed? It looks he's having some kinda seizure! I mean - I guess I'd have a seizure too if there were bees and hula-hoop girls, and all of this weird shit comin' at me. I mean, just leave me alone! I'm tryin' to collect clocks.

Doc: Damn! Damn! Damn damn!

The Nerd: I never got too far in this game, but after the walking stages are over, you go to the café, which by this time is a breath of fresh air to see somethin' different, and get a break from that horrible music.

The Nerd: So you move up and down behind this counter throwing milkshakes at people... and if any of them touch the counter, you're done for. You'd think it would be easy to hit 'em, but it's not. Common sense would say if you stand in front of someone and throw something, it would hit 'em. You can't tell where to stand. Now - if you actually have the patience to get through the café stage, guess what's next? More walking.

Marty: No! Oh, please God, NO!

The Nerd: You know what's the worst thing about this game? Is that, it bears the name, Back to the Future, a movie well worth putting more time and effort into making a decent game. And, the movie came out in '85. The game, '89. There's no excuse. No fuckin' excuse. Just suddenly, orders are passed, "Quick! Make a shitty game, name it after a big movie, and then just spit it into all the stores for all the kids to buy for fifty bucks!" (chuckles) Yeah, fifty fuckin' bucks!

The Nerd: There was no Internet to look up reviews back then - it was just, you know - you buy a game and ya hope for the best. And with Back to the Future, how could ya go wrong? Oh yeah, you can fuckin' go wrong alright. Like - if I just shat into a bag, and wrote "Back to the Future" on it, that would be the same as this awful piece of shit.

The Nerd: It brings my piss to a boil. What a piece of shit. I'll never play it again either. It's my last time. (scoffs) I'd rather eat out the rotten asshole of a roadkilled skunk than play this game... ever again. And I'm dead serious too. And ya know what's worse? You know what's, (chuckles) what's really worse? Guess what? There's a SEQUEL!


Back to the Future II & III[]

The Nerd: Yes, it's true. Back to the Future II & III. Two shitty games for the price of one. Let's check it out. Holy SHIT! Look, the DeLorean. Now I remember THAT from the movie. Not so much the piranhas, the snails, the weird face... the running frog, the bouncy thing, the thing in the sewer that comes out and kills Marty, the little dinosaurs, the cloud that drops pellets and... whatever the fuckin' goddamn hell that is.

The Nerd: And look at those! What are they? Goombas and the spiky thing, ripped right off of Super Mario Bros.? Fuckin' slackers! And every time ya die, the DeLorean drops you off, and it seems like it always takes you in the opposite direction of which you're tryin' to go. Shit soup! Oh God, don't let the blue bird get ya! Ass! Get the key, get the key! Yeah, the hoverboard. Cool, a bonus stage. Wow. Fuck this...

The Nerd: I wish I could go back in time to prevent this game from being made. Unfortunately... I need to build a Flux Capacitor and I also need some plutonium to generate the 1.21 gigawatts of electricity so, it's outta the question. So... let's end on a positive note. There's gotta be one good thing about this game... and I know what it is. It fits in a toaster.

(Cut to the Nerd putting the cartridge into a toaster, and fire leaps up from the slot.)

George McFly: (laughs)