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Tagin' Dragon - Angry Video Game Nerd - Episode 122

("Dance of the Sugar-Plum Fairy" plays in the background.)

The Nerd: Well, it's Christmas time, again, already, and that means, more shitty games for me. And I have a pretty big pile here, thanks to all of you. All requests, a despicable dozen, and we're gonna savor these juicy turds one day at a time. Because, this is the 8th Christmas since I first started doing these Christmas specials, so, we're gonna do somethin' a little different. A little excessive. 12 DAYS?! Of Shitsmas. (drinks Rolling Rock)

(The Nerd opens up the first gift of Shitsmas.)

The Nerd: Oh, no, not this one. Tagin' Dragon. As soon as you notice the baby blue-colored cartridge, you already know, it's bad news. Let's pop this fucker in.

(The Nerd puts Tagin' Dragon in the Nintoaster and turns it on.)

The Nerd: Oh, I distinctly remember this. That is one pathetic-looking dragon. Looks sorta like a frog-pig hybrid? I don't know. There don't really exist words to describe it. They obviously had a completely different team working on the label, because that dragon actually looks pretty rad. This means we've peeled off one layer of this shit heap. Now let's dig in.

The Nerd: Ugh, it's all comin' back to me. As a kid I rented this game from the video store, which was not common to find games without the Nintendo Seal of Approval. So how I got the misfortune to play this, I don't know.

The Nerd: The goal of the game is very simple: Bite all the tails of the other dragons and then progress to the next round. That's it.

The Nerd: You wish these dragons would do somethin' awesome like breathe fire or fly, but no. All they do is chase each other around in circles like a bunch of monkeys. I had no idea it was possible to make dragons so boring.

The Nerd: Everything blocks your way. You need extra clearance to get the dragon around the turns. It's like tryin' to drive a trailer truck through alleyways.

(The Nerd struggles to get the dragon to move through the passage)

The Nerd: Ohh, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, UGH!

(The Nerd makes it through the passage onto Round 05)

The Nerd: There's no long-range attack. The only way to bite their tails is to get all up in their ass. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. All you do is mash buttons and hope for the best.

(The Nerd chases a dragon around, trying to bite its tail)

Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, you motherfucker! You motherfucker!

(The Nerd continues to chase the dragon and directs his focus to the camera)

The Nerd: (laughing) Look, look, look...look look!

(The dragons kill The Nerd)

The Nerd: (sighs) Oh, my God.

(The Nerd sarcastically cries and then grunts in anger. He continues to chase the dragon and is at a loss for words when he continues to fail catching it, but eventually kills it.)

The Nerd: Even when you manage to kill the other dragons, you feel no satisfaction in it because it seems like it was all luck. This is the kind of game you could play with your eyes shut and it wouldn't make any difference.

The Nerd: It's just round after round of this mind-rotting, button-mashing madness. Three deaths and it's back to the beginning.

The Nerd: I should mention there's a two-player co-op mode and a vs. mode. Yeah, next time you're thinkin' about gettin' some friends together, to play some Super Smash Bros., nah. Tagin' Dragon man!

The Nerd: Even as a rental, I only played this game for a few minutes and that's rare. When you rented a game back then, you usually make the best of it, whatever it is.

The Nerd: Even if the game's bad, you didn't have anything else to do anyway, so you had no choice. But with this game, it was one of those days where... you just gotta cut your loss, and break out the deck of cards.

(The Nerd shakes his head at the camera)

The Nerd: (sighs) Well, that was painful. (Points at the gifts behind him) But we're just gettin' started! 

(The Nerd rests his head on his hand in disappointment before reaching for the Day 2 gift.)