(Day 3 of "Twelve Days of Shitsmas". The Nerd opens up a present to reveal the CrazyBus video game.)
CrazyBus? This isn't even a real game. From what I've heard, it was some kind of demo that somebody made as a test in Venezuela in 2004 and for whatever reason, it was made to run on a Sega Genesis, many years after the cartridge days of gaming. It's a strange anomaly that deserves further examination. So, let's take a look at CrazyBus, and see what's so "crazy" about it.
(The Nerd pops the game in and turns it on, cringing a bit at the ear-piercing title music as he looks through a selection of buses. The sprite of the bus gradually makes its way across the screen. The Nerd chuckles awkwardly and squints to read the timer, which is hard to see because of the color of the text. The Nerd falls over on his side on the couch, thus the bus beeps)
How did this game come into existence?! It-it-it isn't even a game. The only interactivity is moving the bus and honking the horn. It's as less of a video game as possible. Tiger Handheld Electronic Games were more in-depth than this. There's no goal, other than to see how high you can rack up the score. In other words, how long can you hold the D-Pad for? You like that game? Well you don't even need the game, just the controller and a timer. It'd be more fun to stare at a wall! I have a whole new appreciation for Desert Bus! Big Rigs is more exciting than this shit! This broke the shit scale; this is a whole new higher level. First there's poop, then there's shit, and then, there's... DEFECATION!
Who found this "gem" and put it on a Sega Genesis cartridge with a case? They're shit diggers. They dig for shit. It's like finding somebody's garbage and then packaging it up for the world to see. I guess there might be somebody out there who might enjoy this game, somebody who happens to be very interested in Venezuelan buses. Yeah, if there is any game for the Venezuelan bus enthusiasts, this is it.
(Cut to "Super Mario World" for the SNES) Do you find any Venezuelan buses in Super Mario World? No. (Cuts back to "CrazyBus") So you can't argue, this is the definitive Venezuelan bus game. I mean, come on, right? You get these great photos of the buses and you get to look at the photos and drive the bus at the same time. You can even go backwards! You can honk the horn! What more could you want? When the digits are the same color as the background, that gives you an added challenge of trying to read the timer.
CrazyBus, man, don't forget it! Say it: One word, not crazy bus. It's CrazyBus. And it's fuckin' crazy! WHOA! We're drivin' a bus here! It's fuckin' crazy! Oh my God, I-I can't take it, it's so FUCKING CRAZY! CrazyBus! CrazyBus! CRAZYBUUUS! WHOA!
(Chuckles while he honks the horn) The driver fell asleep on the wheel. Oh, and that soundtrack! (Plays the ear piercing music from the title screen) Oh... gotta get that soundtrack, gotta crank it up in your car! YEAH! Just fuck me sideways, that fuckin' soundtrack, fuckin' A! (The Nerd grunts loudly and reaches for the Day 4 gift.)