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AVGN-_Bad_Game_Cover_Art_-25_-_X-Man_(Atari_2600)

AVGN- Bad Game Cover Art -25 - X-Man (Atari 2600)

("We Wish You a Merry Christmas" plays and ornaments numbered 1-25 are seen on a Christmas tree. A raspberry sound is heard and the cover to Action in X-Man appears on the 25 ornament, along with shit.)

The Nerd: X-Man for Atari 2600.

The Nerd: Wow. I don't know what part of this picture is demanding the most attention; the woman who's in the process of stripping down to her bare body, or all the crazy shit going on over there!

The Nerd: The woman is depicted in a realistic way. Lots of detail has gone into the shape of her body, the lighting and the tones of her skin. Sure, her nose is a little flat, but the guy on the right is a full blown caricature style. He has no neck, exaggerated teeth and eyes.

The Nerd: Those two different styles are so distant from one another that I don't even think the same artist created them both. Or, it's meant to portray the separation between the glamorous supermodel and the geeky insecure guy.

The Nerd: But let's not skip over the title. X-Man. X-Man? To quote a line from Enter the Dragon, "you come right out of a comic book." A Marvel comic book published on September 10th, 1963 by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby. Y'know, X-Men?

The Nerd: Not just the name, the logo itself! It may not be identical but it comes pretty damn close. Well, X-Men didn't turn the M into a crotch. They missed out on that.

The Nerd: What does X-Man mean anyway? It's on the dude's shirt too, or half of a shirt, whatever he's wearing.

The Nerd: I suppose because it's a pornographic game, one I missed in my Atari Porn episode, that the X means, like, Triple X... Man. I-I don't know!

The Nerd: What about the fact that he's grabbing his crotch? When I see a man grabbing his crotch next to a pair of runaway scissors, that can't be good. Or what about crabs, ugh! No, I'm not gonna explain that one! Or the Twizzler mouth making yet another appearance! What's up with that?

The Nerd: All these things are after his crotch! He's trying to protect his crotch from the risks involved in paying this hooker as he runs through the never-ending maze of sexual frustration. But he's smiling! There's some kind of joy to it, and that's when I noticed, with the position of his hands, you should be able to see both hands, but you only see one. That must mean that his right hand is going through the opening of his underwear. He's jerking off.

The Nerd: That's what I call a video game cover! Pretty good video for Christmas Day, huh? I give you X-Man for Xmas, triple Xmas! A woman getting ready to show her tits, a guy with his hand down his crotch! It's filthy, but you wouldn't want it any other way, would you? Merry Christmas, you filthy animals!

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