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AVGN Bad Game Cover Art 3 - Shatterhand (NES)

("We Wish You a Merry Christmas" plays and ornaments numbered 1-25 are seen on a Christmas tree. A raspberry sound is heard and the cover to Shatterhand appears on the 3 ornament, along with shit.)

The Nerd: Shatterhand for NES. Marvelous.

The Nerd: It's a beautiful portrait of a man who just felt the need to smash his fist into the game's own title. He's breaking his hand on the word "HAND". How profound! But he's not really hitting it dead-on. He is perhaps punching at something else, and his knuckles just happened to graze it. It was an accident! He can't see with those ultra dark sunglasses on, but he only broke off part of the "H", so it's all good.

The Nerd: People question what the Mona Lisa is smiling at, but I wonder, what is the Shatterhand man punching at? (Nerd pretends to punch something slowly) Or could it be, that he's not really punching at all?

The Nerd: Notice the way his arm is bent. It's too relaxed to be a punch. I think he's giving you a bro fist bump. His expression seems to say, (Nerd shouts) SUP MAN?!

The Nerd: With the exaggerated perspective of the fist in the foreground, the detail should be more focused, more present, more realistic than the descending planes.

The Nerd: But instead, the fist is as unnatural as possible, with odd folds that resemble foreskin on a penis.

The Nerd: And did I mention the bio-mechanical skeletal structure underneath the skin? No?

The Nerd: Well that's because you don't see it at first, because it's almost hidden behind the bulky text. And only one knuckle is hitting the letter, yet two knuckles have damaged flesh.

The Nerd: It begs the question: what did he punch the first time? To piece together the whole story, I'm going to look into the background. My guess is that supposed to be the Empire State Building. New York City. That's a real fuckin' place. You can't be a pussy to live there. But this guy just couldn't take it!


The Nerd: So, what's with the Terminator thing going on? I think it represents man and machine.

The Nerd: Specifically, humanity's dependence on technology and tools. The hand, as man's biological inherent machine. The hand, to do man's dirty work! ...Which reminds me, whoever made this cover was JERKING OFF!