SimCity (SNES) - Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN)
SimCity is the 216th episode and the 4th episode of Season 18 of The Angry Video Game Nerd.
Episode Announcement[]
There are many ways to play Sim City. The Nerd is going to show you all of them!
Check out the new AVGN episode, which goes into the darker side of Sim City!
Transcript[]
Nerd: What is a video game? What purpose does it serve? Well, I think a video game is meant to grant you a certain type of control and power over a make-believe situation, perhaps to compensate for the control and power that you lack in your daily life...okay, maybe that got too philosophical too soon, but the game I'm talking about here is a bit more intellectual than what I'd normally review.
Nerd (v.o.): But if you've seen my reviews of Earthbound and Final Fantasy VI, you'll know that the Super Nintendo classics are something that I hold sacred, and are a prime era of nostalgia for me. The first time I saw SimCity was in the holy pages of that gaming bible we call Nintendo Power - the scripture of volume 28, page 74. "The power of creation is yours," sayeth Nintendo! You are bestowed the ability to construct your very own city from the ground up and populate it with people. I had never yet heard of such a game before, where instead of playing the role of a space cadet, a marine, a vampire slayer, a sword-wielding hero, or a Koopa-stomping plumber, you are...the mayor of a city.
Of course, SimCity was originally on PC, published by Maxis, but then it got Nintendo-fied, and that's when I took notice. The Super Nintendo version, to me, is one of the greatest 16-bit games, and it was also one of the North American launch titles, along with Super Mario World, F-Zero, Pilotwings, and Gradius III. What an amazing variety to kickstart a new era of gaming. SimCity has its origins in strategy-based games like Utopia on the Intellivision. Yeah, it's come a long way, and even to this day, with the amount of "sim" games that exist, SimCity might seem a bit antiquated. However, I don't think its simple charm has ever been surpassed. The reason may have something to do with the intuitive, friendly nature of it; the cartoonish aesthetics; the green-haired Don King guy, Dr. Wright, who acts as your personal advisor; and the relaxing music which puts you in a meditational, thinking mood.
(The city theme from the game plays)
Nerd (v.o.): The music goes through several changes. As your city builds up and the population increases, the music progresses toward a more urgent, industrial, workforce, get-shit-done kinda feel.
(The metropolis theme from the game plays)
Nerd (v.o.): It starts as a village, then a town, a city, a capital, and a metropolis, which is the furthest I've ever made it, but if your population reaches half a million, you advance to something even greater: a megalopolis. Only in the pages of Nintendo Power, and the Super Nintendo Player's Guide, had I ever seen images of that fabled Mario statue, which would become your prize. That would be the ultimate achievement. Something to brag about. All the ladies would wanna fuck you! You got the goddamn Mario statue in SimCity! (sighs) But it ain't happening.
Nerd: Yeah, I've always wanted that statue ever since the magazine taunted me. (sighs) All my life, I've been nothing...but I'll show what a nerd is really worth. I will raise my population and create a civilization that will RIVAL THE WORLD!
Nerd (v.o.): The first thing you need to do is select a landform. If you really want to maximize that population, you don't want there to be too much water, because obviously you can only build on the ground. Those rivers cut through your city and mess up your whole strategy, so you need to tell that water to go fuck off. But finding the right landform is a chore in itself because there's a thousand of them to choose from. I'm not kidding! You can see right there, counting landform 0, there are a THOUSAND. Ya think that's enough?! And each one takes about ten seconds to load! You'll never have time to SEE all the choices, let alone remember and compare them! Imagine if you started up Mario Kart and there were so many courses to pick, you couldn't even look through them all. No sane person in the world has ever laid eyes on every landform in SimCity. (chuckles) Well, at least one. About ten years ago, someone, who was a real trooper, actually did it - a YouTuber named 316whatupz. Thank you again for your service. We now know: it takes THREE HOURS AND FOURTEEN MINUTES to click through every landform in SimCity - and that's if you're not stopping to look at any of them! What were they thinking?!
When you start building, you have a budget to work with, so you need to spend wisely. Anyone would expect you're gonna need houses, roadways, a power source, police and fire departments - all the necessities that would seem like common sense, and though it kinda functions like a real city, it is, of course, only a video game. Some things don't make sense, like how come there's a population count when all I've built so far are commercial and industrial zones? Where are those people living? Not to mention, when the game starts, the year is supposed to be 1900, and the first thing I build IS A NUCLEAR POWER PLANT! Certain logic doesn't apply, because logic is for pussies.
You have to tile the land with a proper balance of three different zoning districts: residental, commercial, and industrial. These areas develop on their own. The residential zones, for example, become neighborhoods, and then grow into skyscrapers. Other times, they become schools or hospitals, which happens automatically at random. All zones need to be connected to a power plant, either by electrical lines or by touching each other in a chain effect. One of the main problems is pollution, which generally comes from the power plants and industrial zones. You can buy a nuclear power plant for cleaner energy, but that costs more money. There also needs to be some kind of transit system, like roads, but that causes traffic and more pollution, so you can build railways instead, but again, more expensive. Another big problem is crime, so you need to put police stations all over. Why does the police radius need to be so extreme? The amount of crime in SimCity rivals RoboCop's Detroit!
One way to gauge the issues is to look at the public poll. The citizens will tell you how well you're doing as mayor and what they think the biggest problems are. Then you can decide how you want to allot your funds to address those problems. For example, they say traffic is bad, so I build more roads. Then they demand a stadium, so I build a stadium, which makes more traffic, so I demolish the roads and replace them with railways, and then they find something else to complain about. Every now and then, Dr. Wright appears - who, by the way, is named after SimCity creator Will Wright. He gives you advice and sometimes just comes in to compliment you that everything's going alright. He congratulates you on reaching a new population level, awards you with fun little zoning districts like an amusement park, a zoo, and even your very own house as mayor, but if things are going wrong, he'll let you know that pollution is high, crime is rampant, or if there's a disaster.
This could be fire, flood, plane crash, tornado, earthquake, or Bowser attack. In the original PC version, it was a Godzilla-type monster, but Nintendo just couldn't resist. It had to be Bowser. You have the option of playing entire scenarios where you have to solve these disasters. They're based on real cities like San Francisco, Boston, Rio de Janeiro, et cetera, and of course the problem in Tokyo is the monster. If you beat all six scenarios, you'll have to handle UFO attacks in Las Vegas.
But back to the task at hand. I want to raise that population to half a million and get that Mario statue. You're gonna need money, not just to build stuff, but to maintain roadways and stuff. So where does that money come from? From taxing the citizens, but if you raise the taxes too high, they get upset, so you lower them, but then the roads start crumbling. You're stuck between a rock and a hard place. Either you run out of money or people leave your city. So that's where the cheat code comes in! Ever since I saw it in that Super Nintendo Player's Guide, it became mandatory. At the end of the year, when the tax screen pops up, hold L, leave the screen, come back, make sure funding levels are at 100%, and then, if you release L at the right time, now you have $999,999. Yeah, that'll be enough to keep you going. Now you can build almost infinitely; all the nuclear plants, airports, seaports, and as many stadiums as the citizens want. Nothing can stop you now.
Nerd: (sighs) However, it still doesn't get you the megalopolis of half a million people. That you're gonna have to earn by building strategically, so if I'm gonna do this...I just have to do it.
Nerd (v.o.): There's three methods, I'd say, to build your city. The first is the "noob" method, which is just to place your zones and draw a line of roads and power lines. It's-- it's fine. You'll still have fun, but the growth potential is very limited. The second way is the smart method. This is where you pack all your zones together so everything's touching. You group them together in these blocks with your transit system going around. An alternative to this method is leaving a space in the middle of the blocks - some call this "the donut strategy" - where you fill the holes with all those special properties like the banks, casinos, et cetera. This promotes growth, and in no time, you'll see those zones develop into skyscrapers - except when they become schools and hospitals, but hey, what can ya do. The third is to play like an insane person; defying all logic and basically trying to "hack" the game. For example, do you NEED a transit system? Yes, but just a little strip of railway every now and then is enough. Can you imagine getting on a train that only goes one block? That'd be some shitty itinerary.
The most tedious part of the game is waiting for tax season. It's the only way to progress when funds run out, but the years drag on pretty slow. You can select different speeds, but even at the highest speed, it's not enough. What it needs is one extra speed: a Road Runner icon. That oughta do it.
(A Road Runner icon appears in the game, complete with "meep-meep!" and zooming sounds)
Nerd (v.o.): But the best you can do is just sit around and wait.
(The Nerd sits on the couch, arms crossed, watching the game, growing impatient. He gets up and walks over to the corner shelves.)
Nerd: You know, I could review a whole other game in the time this takes. Any game.
(He looks at the game again and nods. He pulls out Kung Food for Atari Lynx and loads it up.)
Nerd (v.o.): Kung Food on Atari Lynx. What can you say about this? It's a food beat-em-up game. It opens with a cutscene, but without any text or explanation. I see what looks like two security guards who get knocked over as some guy runs out the door, goes into a pick-up truck, and speeds away. Then he shows up at some house and then - Level 1: The Freezer. Okay. Now you're some beating the shit out of...food? I guess? There's a lot of potential here, but I don't know what kind of food these enemies are supposed to look like. I do see tomatoes and carrots, I guess, but are those typically what you put in the freezer? Couldn't they have popsicles? Ice cubes? Frozen pizzas? Ice cream sandwiches? Well, the good thing about tomato enemies is that when you destroy them, it looks like blood. By the way, I got some more money in SimCity, but I'm gonna keep saving up.
Kung Food sounds like a fun concept, but it's unplayable due to the clunky controls and awful hit detection. You can spend close to a minute trying to chase down one enemy. You have to precisely line yourself up toe-to-toe in order to hit anybody! (trying to hit an ice enemy) Come on! Mmm! Come on, you fucker! See this shit?! This is the most rotten food game I've ever played! Though it's pretty awesome seeing your character melt down to a skeleton. That's totally unexpected; I thought he was made of broccoli or something, but it's cool. Also, how many games have you ever played where you can PAUSE THE GAME OVER SCREEN?
(The Nerd looks up from the Lynx to see more money in SimCity. He nods and picks the SNES controller back up.)
Nerd (v.o.): So my city's doing well, but in order to get that megalopolis, I need to reserve as much space as possible. Even if I need to build one little power line, that's gonna erase my parks. Those are the little grassy areas. They raise the property value to help the buildings develop. BUT you can put the power lines over the railways without affecting them! See? It's little tricks like that. You need to fully utilize the land. You can't afford to waste a single pixel anywhere. If you wanna win at SimCity, you can't fuck around. You gotta be more aggressive. You gotta demolish anything that's not necessary! Hmmm...what do the schools and hospitals do?
Nerd: (pauses and considers) Nah, I can't do that. That's morbid.
Nerd (v.o.): But they're taking up space...and it's not REQUIRED to have all those. They don't count as population. The residential areas can't grow to their full potential and combine together to form high-rise buildings. Not with those schools and hospitals in the way.
(The Nerd shrugs and hesitantly presses the button, demolishing a school and a hospital in-game. Cut back to Nerd, shocked.)
Nerd: ...I had to do it. That's how you win the game! You have to send BULLDOZERS THROUGH SCHOOLS AND HOSPITALS! THAT is some dark shit!
Nerd (v.o.): There's no schools or hospitals, but there's police departments on every block! This is a whole police city! It's like Escape from New York! In this town, the police say "Fuck you!"
You thought SimCity was a utopian dream. It starts with that twinkling music that sounds so charming and invokes the feeling of aspirations and fantasies toward a hopeful future, but really, it's a deep, dark dive into a dystopian nightmare. In this city, profit and corruption reign supreme. You're not just building a shit-town. You're building a monument to mankind's folly. An unholy labyrinth of concrete and steel strangling a fractured society. It's a place where the smog smothers the sky, extinguishing any ray of sunlight, just like the rays of humanity's optimism. The blind obedience of the citizens keeps the elite in power as they cower in the shadow of the wealthy. You're not a mayor, you're a dictator. Now, you know the true dark nature of SimCity. The game even gives you the power to call upon natural disasters. As it says in Nintendo Power, "Your powers even extend to the control of natural forces! Why not send a tornado ripping through town?", and "If you feel like obliterating a major metropolitan area, no problem. There are six fun-filled disasters to choose from."!
Nerd: THE GAME ENCOURAGES YOU TO SPREAD DEATH AND DESTRUCTION! Anyway...
Nerd (v.o.): The citizens complain about unemployment, so I add more industrial zones so they have places to work, but they complain about pollution, so I make sure all my polluting facilities are on the edge of the gaming boundaries. That means the pollution radius is cut off by the screen. Does that mean the smog is drifting into another city? Yeah, it's somebody else's problem now. Fuck 'em. Maybe Nintendo wants the pollution to go into a Sega game, like Populous. Then they complain about housing costs. What am I supposed to do about that?
Nerd: You can never win. You fix one thing, then they get pissed off about something else. Oh, you want lower taxes? Okay, I lower the fuckin' taxes. Oh, what is it now? Unemployment? Okay, here's some commercial and industrial zones. Oh, you're still not happy? What's the problem now? Crime? Pollution? You want another stadium? You know what? (beat) You can all go fuck yourselves!
(The Nerd starts demolishing parts of the city and summoning disasters)
Nerd: YEAH, you fuckers!
Nerd (v.o.): How do you like that? Want some tornadoes? Earthquakes? I'll give you the works! Bowser's gonna take you to hell! And if I haven't already made it clear, let me spell it out: FUCK YOU!
(A part of the Nerd's city is shown where the railways spell out "FUCK YOU")
Nerd (v.o.): Let's see what the citizens think of me now!
(The public opinion shows a 52% approval rating)
Nerd (v.o.): Oh shit! My approval rating went UP!
Nerd: Ho-ho-hoooo! They're cooperative! They learn! Look what I've got here. A whole civilization of tiny people who will grovel at my feet!
(The Nerd begins laughing maniacally over a montage of footage of natural disasters and city destruction, including the nuke scene from Terminator 2. An explosion envelops the screen, revealing a pixelated Nerd statue in the game.)
Nerd: Aha! Good likeness! Look what they did - and they did it overnight! Who needs a Mario statue when I have my very own? An impressive sight, and in return, I give them my smile - I won't tramp my feet down on their town.
(The Nerd rises from the couches and approaches the screen)
Nerd: Alright now, my little friends! Now comes the new age! The age of the Nerd! (chuckles) There's gonna be a lot of plans to make! Much work to be done!
(A rumbling is heard. The Nerd looks to the side as we see the SimCity interface over the Nerd room, the cursor hovering over the demolition button.)
Nerd: ...No! NO! You can't stay here! Don't you understand?! I'M THE GOD! I'M THE GOD!
(The room collapses in on the Nerd, knocking him out. The in-game Nerd statue explodes and disappears. Cut back to the Nerd, laying on the ground under the rubble.)
Mr. Lobo (v.o.): The case of Mr. Nerd. A victim of delusion. In this case, the dream dies a little harder than the man. A small exercise in simulated city development...that you can try on for size...on the Angry Video Game Nerd.
(A version of the Twilight Zone theme plays and ends the episode)