Deja Vu (NES) - Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN)
Deja Vu is the 218th episode and the 6th episode of Season 18 of The Angry Video Game Nerd.
Transcript[]
(The episode opens with a noir film style, with jazz music playing in the background and the scene being presented in black and white. The Nerd wakes up in his room behind the NES shelf.)
The Nerd: (narrating) When I came to, my head was throbbing and my mouth tasted of stale booze and ashtrays. My brain was fogged over and my memory was as blank as a a Commodore 64 load screen. Somebody had put me under, and I had the feeling they had taken more than just my memories. The hat on the floor matched my trench coat but gave no answers. (goes to the Ramage arcade machine) I couldn't recognize the face in the mirror, nor could I tell where I was. I seemed to be in some kind of video game library. There were random shit stains, a roll of toilet paper, an empty drink, and a game cartridge that was incinerated beyond recognition. There was a pistol which I identified as a Nintendo zapper. It had been fired. Its warm touch could have only come from the coldest of hearts. I thought I could smell the faint scent of perfume from a Dame, or perhaps it was some kind of nostalgic allure to something else. All I knew was it smelled of trouble, and it wasn't a Dame that did a number on me. It was a game, and I was going to find out which one.
I didn't recall ever playing Roger Rabbit before. It looked pretty swell so, I gave it a try. And then something dawned on me. I wasn't playing the game; the game was playing me. The controls were as slippery as a fish in a bucket of grease and my optimism went out the window faster than a bullet through a bag of piss. So I tried other games that to my memory I had never played before: Top Gun, Back to the Future, Dick Tracy, The Last Ninja, Goonies 2. The covers were designed to seduce you to lure you in, only to break your heart. Was it possible people could have remembered playing these games as kids thinking they were great only to find that their memory wasn't fully intact? I realized that looking for a good game in this mess was as rare as finding a diamond in a back alley dumpster. I tell ya this game library was a plastic jungle full of electronic predators, and I was the prey. The shelves rose like buildings with colorful labels hiding the sins of the corrupt game corporations. "Somebody ought to talk about these games", I thought. If only there was some kind of obsessed nerd who could spread the message of this filth, and then it hit me, like a lead pipe. Who was I? Why was I wearing this get up? Did it offer any clue to the game genre I was playing? No, that would be silly. That would be like dressing up as Batman to play Batman games. Who does that? but it seemed all too familiar, like I was having Deja Vu. Wait...
I investigated the NES Shelf and realized something was missing under "D". And it all came back to me. Earlier that day I was playing Deja Vu on NES. It was a crime solving game that made me feel so much like a detective I was practically sitting in my own private Dick office. Sprawled across my desk were the pages of Nintendo Power it returned me to my youth. But since we're already in a flashback here let's just say, it piqued my interest. I always remembered that image of the guy holding the photo of himself holding the photo. It begged the question: How did he take that photo?
The title was memorable too. As a kid it was my first time ever hearing the term Deja Vu. I didn't know what it meant. I assumed maybe it was some form of kung fu. "Must be an action game", I thought. Until I realized it was a point and click adventure and dismissed it prematurely. But here again as an adult, I was back on the case.
Deja Vu was first on the Macintosh computer in 1985, back when controlling a pointer on the screen with a mouse was a big deal. Appropriately enough, it was in black and white like the 1940s detective films. It was inspired by: The Multis Falcon, Double Indemnity, The Big Sleep. But it went to color when it was ported to Commodore 64, Amiga, and so on. It was created by ICOM Simulations who also made Uninvited and Shadowgate using the same engine and interface. Together they're known as the MacVenture series or is it like McVenture like McDonalds? But Deja Vu the distinction of being the only NES game to truly capture the spirit of those classic noir films. Sure there were other detective games but only Deja Vu had that dark cynical vibe. Even though the blood was toned down if you compare it with the other computer versions, it was much more adult themed than what you'd usually come across on the NES, as we'll soon see.
It's also the only NES game I can think of where you start out in the shitter. Literally the first screen is in a bathroom of a bar! Boy, that's one hell of a way to kick things off. Your character has no recollection of how he got there or who he is. Then you find a dead body and realize you've been framed for murder, so the goal is to find out what happened and who's behind it all. And a clever thing here is that you're not just trying to obtain evidence, you also have to get rid of evidence that would implicate you. I have to give credit where credit is due; the text is very amusing. "It's a man who appears to be lacking something; namely, life." Y-yeah you think? Even simple things like if I examine the sink it tells me, "It appears to be a sink." Gee, thanks. Or better yet, if you open the toilet lid, it says, "You are relieved that you find nothing inside." (chuckles) Okay, that is funny. And one of my favorites if you examine the fire escape, it tells you, "it's a fire escape. When there's a fire, you use it to escape." (snickers) My chest heaved with a feeling more rare than a $3 bill in this town; a feeling called laughter.
On the bar, you find a shot glass which they call seltzer. But when your character downs it he reacts as if it's really harsh stuff, so clearly it's meant to be booze. And as I contemplated that, I took a good hard swig of apple juice.
But then you find gambling tables and slot machines in the back of some speakeasy. And it's the best way to earn more money I mean the only way, so the game encourages you to gamble!
The music is great. It has that jazzy, mysterious vibe.
(Plays the in-game casino music)
The Nerd: But the part that's ass, is the controls. Of course this is not a computer and you have to move the pointer with a D-pad instead of a mouse, so it's kind of doomed from the start. It takes way too long to do simple tasks like going through a door. I mean, first you have to select "Open", then you drag the pointer to the door, click it. Now it's open and then you have to select "Move", drag the pointer over, and then click the door again! So basically, the simple act of going through a door is four actions. Not to mention, navigation is confusing, but they gave you these blue dots to help you out which you can alternatively click on to move yourself around I-I mean, I mean I would explain how this works, but I really have no fuckin' idea.
The verbiage can be confusing. If you try moving through a closed door, it says, "it can't be moved if it's not opened!!" Wait, is move meant like to move something or is it to move myself. Leave doesn't mean leave the room, it means to leave something like leave a shit, because who actually takes a shit. But about the word "Take". If I see medicine on the counter, does take the medicine mean to take it into my inventory or to take the medicine? To consume it? Actually, if you want to eat or use anything on yourself, you're supposed to take the item first, like gum for instance. And then select "Use", and then select "Self". W-wait wait hang on that's "Gum" right? Not "Gun". Okay, okay that would be a big mistake if I selected "Gun" instead of "Gum". That would be a bad move. A BM. A real shitty move. But hey, let's see what happens.
(Ace Harding ends it all)
The Nerd: (shocked) Oh, my god. (reading in-game text) "...Good job. That's a great way to go out with a bang... So much for your dreams and aspirations." Blam. (gunshot) R.I.P Ace Harding. Well that's one way to find out your identity. "From the beginning the odds were against you. It was only a matter of time until you reach the end. You're history!!" That's brilliant. That might be better than "You and your friends are dead", because not only are you dead, your whole life was a fail!
So I got to an elevator and I couldn't figure out how to get it moving. Eventually I found out I had to hit the buttons, the same action you use to punch people. Imagine going into an elevator and punching the ever loving fuck out of it. Next thing he goes into a wine cellar and to open a secret door he has to punch the fuckin' wine! Who goes around punching wine bottles?
(Cut to a segment of the Nerd trying to open a door in a wine cellar)
The Nerd: It won't open! Gosh, how am I gonna get this fuckin' door to open?!
(The Nerd picks up a wine bottle and literally punches it. It breaks into pieces which causes the door to open by itself. The Nerd shrugs and begins walking to it)
The Nerd: Then you meet a Dame in an alley and she says she has a surprise for you in her purse. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I guess you can't take the chance so. (cursor is on "hit") Really? Is this what I'm supposed to do?
(Ace Harding punches a woman)
The Nerd: "Socko!! She's out like a light and her purse drops to the ground." I couldn't believe my eyes. Was this some kind of rude joke? "It looks like you hit her pretty hard; she's out cold." And then you take her money! Of all the dirty crooked things you could do in an NES game this one takes the cake.
Next thing you walk into "Pete's All Night Gun Palace". Wow, you buy a gun using gambling money. Could you imagine kids playing this? I mean not to mention, the gun is only $20! $20! But anyway, the thing that sucks here is that you have to buy each bullet individually. You think they could have come up with a less tedious way to do this? If you walked into a store wouldn't you buy all your items as one transaction? Who the fuck does it this way? Then you still have to load the gun and by the game's terminology that means using the bullet on the gun. So you select "Use", then page through the inventory, find the bullets, click it, and then page allll the way back over to the gun, click it, and there you go. You've loaded one bullet. You're probably asking, "Wait wait, now did you really have to do that six times?" You better believe it. Six. Times. SIX TIMES!! I think that's the main problem with this game: everything takes too long!
A mugger with a gun approached me. My first thought was to try and shoot him, but you have to go through the usual hoops and hurdles to select the gun and use it on the guy but oops! He shoots you first (gunshot). What did you expect? You thought was just going to stand there and wait? It reminds me of that new Star Wars Special Ultra Edition; the one where Han is too slow.
(Cut to a scene from Star Wars Episode IV - A New Hope with Han Solo and Greedo)
Greedo: (speaking Huttese)
Han Solo: Yes, I bet you have.
(Han Solo goes through a long, tedious process to shoot Greedo just like in Deja Vu. He selects "Use" and then "Gun1" He gets an in-game prompt that says, "What would you like to use this on?" The cursor moves over to Greedo's head, however Greedo shoots first and shoots Han in the head, killing him. In response, the in-game text says, "You were a bit slow on the trigger. He shot you first")
The Nerd: So clearly using the gun on the mugger ain't a good idea, so what's the real solution? Take a guess. (chuckles) Punch 'em. Of course! This guy is like the master of the fist! All you do is go around punching people! You arrive at a house and the butler doesn't let you in, you just punch him in the fuckin' face! Punching is always the solution. At a certain point you start punching people just for fun to see whatever hilarious text comes up. And just when you thought you could punch your way out of every problem, the game pulls cheap shots like this. I fell into a construction pit? How did that happen? The game just decided, "Hey you know what? You're dead."
And then there's a random alligator in the sewer. Well, this time I tried the gun and it worked. In fact, the computer versions show blood which makes the animal cruelty feel so much more shameful. I mean, what was I thinking going into the sewers? Everybody knows there's alligators down there.
There's many times when you have to ride a cab. It's the only way to reach certain spots where you have to find items and clues before returning to where you were. But here's the problem: If you don't have money for a round trip and you forget to check ahead of time, you could get stranded, at least I thought. Imagine my dismay when I rode the cab, paid the driver explored the property, and then realized I didn't have the money to get back. My first instinct was to try punching the driver but for once, it didn't work because of the glass. Using my gun didn't help either because the glass is bulletproof and I got sent to jail. I tried running from the cab but he called the cops and again, I was sent to jail. It seemed I desperately needed to find some money, but I was stranded at a location where there was no money to be found! I felt trapped like a rat. My world narrowed down like a cage closing in on me. How was I to get out of this mess? Would I have to reset the game after all that work I put in? So, I began retrying the same shit; I rode the cab and once again, I ran. I ran! And then, all hope came flooding back in an instant like a rainfall in Death Valley. The driver cut cut me a break. He said I could pay him back later. I don't know what was different this time, but I wasn't complaining.
There is only one casino in town and that was the only place to get money aside from stealing it out of wallets. The game forces you to gamble. It's an absolute necessity in this crooked world. This time, I wasn't messing around. I was determined to turn this casino into my personal ATM. And just when I started winning I began to lose, lose, lose. Until I was at fuckin' zero. Luckily there was always a spare coin laying around to get you started again. So after much time passed, I finally hit big with a triple seven and got 30 coins. I had beaten the odds! I had earned my piece of victory, so I set out again to pay back the cab driver and continue with the case.
But then, a mugger showed up, one whom I had not seen before. A bigger brute, tough and mean so I decided to punch him, what else? But he socked me, laid me out, and next thing, I was waking up with a full headache and empty pockets. All my money was taken. Everything I had worked for was pulled like a rug from under me. What a rotten move! I had never seen a game do something so wretched and cruel! (shows Metroid on NES) Have you ever played a game where you had to collect items or powerups for what seemed like hours? Well, farming items is one thing but imagine if out of nowhere the game throws a monkey wrench at you and says, "Hey you know what? It's all gone." Fuck this game! FUCK IT! FUCK IT! FUCK IT TO FUCKIN' HELL! I was ready to throw the goddamn thing out the window, but instead, I just took another swig of the hard stuff and soldiered on.
(A montage of the Nerd trying to make back his money that he lost)
The Nerd: Back to the casino. Back to square one. many losses and few wins later, I finally had what I would consider enough money. So after that whole debacle, I rode another cab and found my way to a doctor's office where I raided a whole shelf of drugs! This is unlike any other NES game where you might find a pill or a first aid kit something like that. Here it's an entire medicine cabinet and it tells you the names of the specific drugs! The idea is to ingest them to restore your memory and reveal more parts of the story. In fact, this is the big moment where Ace remembers who he is. Can you think of any other game where the whole mission culminates in swallowing a bunch of unprescribed medications? Not to mention the way you have to do it is by selecting the drugs, then putting them into capsules, and then using the capsules on yourself. Why does everything have to be so complicated?
Anyway, let's round up the family friendly wholesome entertainment this game brings to the kids. You have drugs, alcohol, murder, punching ladies on the street, stealing wallets, guns, gambling, buying guns with gambling money. And if that's not enough, it adds body shaming to the mix. A large woman in a trunk is referred to as a "tub of lard". And it's not a character calling her that. It's the game's narration! Oh, man. As I got closer wrapping up this case I couldn't help but dwell on how complicated the items are. if you examine a diary you may have assumed that you had read it. But then you realize all you had done was look at the cover. To read it, you have to open it. it's like game logic trying to apply to real logic while you're trying to think of it as a fuckin' video game!
At one point, I stole somebody's mail. Yes, stole their fuckin' mail right out of the goddamn mailbox. Of course, you can't just examine the envelope; You have to take the envelope, then open it, then take the letter inside. And then you still have to examine the letter! Even items you've taken already sometimes have more items inside them! Like a wallet. You can't use the card that's in your wallet unless you open the wallet, take the card, and then use the card. It's as if the game doesn't consider you have that card unless it's out of your wallet! That's like saying if you go into a store and you have a credit card with you. You don't really have that credit card because it's inside your wallet! I mean maybe they overthought this? Just a little?
As your inventory grows it becomes even more tedious to page through it all. I mean I mean look at- look at this! Look at how long this takes! how is he holding all this shit anyway? This detective is walking around trying to be inconspicuous, but his trench coat is packed to shit with everything but the kitchen sink. He strolls into a bedroom where there's a sleeping woman which is creepy as fuck! He opens her drawer and just starts taking shit. I mean this guy's more curious than a cat. Hmm... Pen? Glasses? Why does he have to take everything he sees? A tissue? Really now. A tissue? What do I need that for? The text says, "You know how to use them don't you? You just put one to your nose and blow". Well, thanks. This guy is the ultimate hoarder. He has so much random shit, but you want to make sure to take everything because you don't know what you're going to need later. Oh yeah, trust me. If you forget something and have to go back, that's the worst. It turns out, you really don't need that much. In fact, before the game's over you have to get rid of all that incriminating evidence. So you spent all that time getting that stuff just to throw it away! And of all the ways you'd think to dispose of it, you have to use a storm drain. Yeah, all the guns, the ammo case, everything goes down that fuckin' storm drain. You're throwing away yarn, condoms, LJN Roll & Rockers, a sailboat. And then the clown from IT comes up.
So now that you have correct inventory, you head to the police station, as long as you have the proper evidence. The text explains how there was a trial and the real murderers were brought to justice. You're congratulated for a job well done, and then you get a cool epilogue with a nice graphic showing your character Ace Harding for the first time. It's quite a satisfying ending. Far better than average for NES.
(narrating) I started to feel woozy, like the world was spinnin'. Was it the drink? No. I realized it was the feeling of blind nostalgia. Even though the game had shitty aspects, it had some redeeming traits and was rather captivating. I couldn't help but fall under that good old NES spell.
(The Nerd takes the cartridge out of his NES and leaves his private office)
The Nerd: I stumbled back into my nerd lair. As my senses began to fail me, my brain shrouded in that same childhood fog. I grabbed my zapper. I took aim remembering all the heartaches the game had brought me. I could hear it telling me how it had no choice; it did what it needed to do. I could have given this baby a fair judgment. I could have said, "Hey, it wasn't that bad". But since this is a Nerd episode, somebody had to take the fall, and it wasn't going to be me.
(The Nerd takes one final look at the cartridge)
The Nerd: So long, sweetheart. (gunshot)
(narrating) So that's how it all went down, and as I sit now amongst all my games, I know the next case is just around the corner. The Nerd is always on the hunt for the next item. The stuff that shit is made of.
(The Nerd leaves his room)