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Beating_Jekyll_and_Hyde_-_Angry_Video_Game_Nerd_(AVGN)

Beating Jekyll and Hyde - Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN)

The Angry Video Game Nerd title screen plays in an Exorcist-style text sequence.

The episode begins in a mounted desert, set into the future forty-something years later as a "Elderly-looking" Nerd. We see the Nerd dugs up the broken remants of the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde NES cartridge buried under with sand. He brushes off with the piece of the cartridge, showing with the front artwork itself, then he extremely frowns his face while he brushes more. He throws the piece of the cartridge and he found a penny underneath in the sand. He puts the penny under his shirt pocket, takes his hat off, and he sweats over his face. He overlooks at a Pazuzu-like Jekyll and Hyde statue, surprised impractically at each other, as we fade into the sun which is about to set down.

We cut to the Nerd room at night in the present day, as we hear the Rolling Rock clock ticking sounds with shooting missiles on the TV. The Nerd is playing a game of Missile Command on the Atari 2600. Then we see a close up to the NES library popping up the game cartridge at the other end. He looks and gets up off the couch, and he walks slowly to the NES library. Suddenly, the game cartridge fell over on the floor. He picks up the game cartridge and turns over on the front side, looking of the game artwork of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

The Nerd: No. I've done that already. (He turns around over to the viewers, then shakes his head and sighs) It was almost 20 years ago, when I described it as an awful steaming pile of goat shit. And then years later, I said my own shit would be offended to lay on this loathsome piece of filth! I went soft on it. Yeah, because there's no way I could sum up this total desecration of the NES library. It's cursed, it's unholy! Nobody wants to play Jekyll and Hyde!

Bela: I've always wanted to play Jekyll and Hyde.

The Nerd: No!

He puts the game cartridge back in the NES library, pushing harder. Then the Nerd walks off and looks at the Jekyll and Hyde game cover portrait. He takes the portrait out and angrily stomps over it. He turns the TV off and he is about to take a nap or go to sleep on the couch.

The Nerd: That last review is pretty detailed, I think I told you just about everything you'd want to know but, I didn't actually make it to the end of the game. I mean, how could I? It'd be impossible. (He looks the Jekyll and Hyde game cover shirt and throws it away) I never beat the game, but I'm the Nerd. This location gives meaning to people's lives (He takes the Nerd's glasses off) and I can't cut it anymore. I'm unfit, I've lost my faith in the NES library.

The Nerd goes to sleep on the couch while taking a nap. The dream sequence features the NES controller hanging down slowly, while the Nerd shouts and waves over to the other Nerd dressed as Dr. Jekyll, walking and holding a stick. An evil-looking Letule pops up as The Nerd runs over itself through the game. The NES controller then falls off on the floor as the Nerd wakes up and screams itself. He shocks and takes a sigh breath. Then he scares and shocks off into a talking Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde cartridge fly-by, into an evil, wickedlish tone.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde cartridge: You're gonna die up there.

The NES cartridge takes a piss off through the carpet, as The Nerd started to frown

The Nerd: The fuck!

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde cartridge: What an excellent day to play some Jekyll and Hyde!

The Nerd: Oh, you like that?

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde cartridge: Intensely.

The Nerd: How many more years do I have to play this?

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde cartridge: Until you rot and lie stinking in the earth!

He looks over the replica of the Jekyll and Hyde game artworks, left and right, then he shakes his head angrily.

The Nerd: No!

He puts the game cartridge on the NES top-loader, then the game's title screen play. The Nerd puts his glasses back on.

The Nerd: Let's finish this now. There's not gonna be any more Jekyll and Hyde videos. This is it.

He plays the game once again, as game footage shows Dr. Jekyll gets hit by a spider, Mr. Hyde gets killed by Corum the Skull, Dr. Jekyll gets hit by two explosive bombs, and Mr. Hyde gets struck by lightning.

The Nerd: My opinion has not changed.

The game cartridge cackles and it spits off the vomit puke over to the Nerd.

The Nerd: Yeah, I told you mostly everything but for a recap, you play as Jekyll, on his way to his wedding. That's all he's trying to do, but for whatever reason, every person, animal, and insect is trying to kill him. You have a weapon that can't harm anything except for one enemy in the entire game: the bees. You walk slow as ass, you get knocked backward by everything and what makes it extra frustrating is that it doesn't look like it should be that hard! The most unassuming towns people just charge through you, and those spiders, you'd think you could just watch the pattern and go under but they don't have a pattern! It feels as if they're programmed to hit you automatically. Making progress is so slow because every few seconds some guy drops a bomb and you have to start moving away from it, but you either get knocked back into it or it still seems to hit you from a mile away. There's projectiles raining down constantly, you're so busy dodging you actually forget that their dog turd pile of shit out by birds. And that pissing fountain comes up the whole thing.

The Nerd: I've struggled to explain before how the Jekyll and Hyde transitions work because I still don't fully understand it. But basically, you have a "Life Meter" and a "Meter Meter". Yeah, some call it the "Hyde Meter", but the manual calls it the "Stress Meter". And that's the most accurate because this game will raise your stress through the fucking roof! Whenever you get hit, sometimes it depletes your life meter and other times depletes your stress meter. When the life meter is gone, you're dead. But if the stress meter is gone, you turn to Hyde. When you're Hyde, it's... slightly... more playable. You have to kill enough enemies to raise the meter back up and become Jekyll again. As Hyde, there's more than one way to die. The most obvious is if you get hit too many times. But also, if you randomly slip off a wall, you'll also die. And that's ultra bullshit! The other thing that can happen is if Hyde gets as far as Jekyll, so the Hyde world is like some kind of reversed mirror dimension of the Jekyll world. If Hyde gets to the same spot as Jekyll, lightning will strike and it's Game Over.

The Nerd: I guess the idea is that the forces of good and evil are battling over Jekyll's soul. So, if Hyde overtakes him, that means evil has triumphed. What were they thinking? They were thinking too much!

The Nerd: The sixth and final level is the pure definition of hell! No, it's as if there was another hell beneath hell! This is fucking insane! There's these rolling barrels that keep on coming, It-it... It sometimes you can't even jump over them because you'll get hit by the next one. And sometimes one single barrel can hit you multiple times. Who's throwing these things? Donkey Kong? If the barrels weren't enough, you also have the Mad Bomber to deal with. And don't you think it would have been reasonable to not have the barrels end bombs on the screen at the same time? How is anybody supposed to get through this? The Mad Bomber respawns infinitely which is one of the worst offenses in retro gaming, but this is the most relentless and merciless respawning I've ever seen. As soon as he exits on the left, he immediately reappears on the right in a never ending loop. Oh, you could kiss my fucking ass with that! I can't even move! Ugh, you take one step forward, and then ten steps back. Look at this, in the last 20 minutes I've only moved an inch. Motherfuck, if you really want to know why this game is so bad, just try to play this stage- no, no, no, don't. Fuck. Fuck! FUCK! UUUGGGGGGGHHH!!! FUCK!!! UUMMMMPPPPHHH!!! FUUUUUCCCKKK!!!

The Nerd: (Sighs) Well, once again, that's about as far as I can get. But wait a minute. (The Nerd gets off the couch and shows the Japanese Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde game cover art) Hmmm. The Japanese version, the Famicom. I've heard this one has some differences, so maybe it doesn't have the same bugs.

He puts the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde Japanese version cartridge on the Famicom, then the title screen of the Japanese version of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde plays.

The Nerd: Oh my God. Level one is completely different, I've heard of the different levels but now that I'm actually playing it, I can say it's way harder. If you can believe it, there's people in windows throwing everything they got and it's like navigating through a fucking shit storm. Level three is also different. Once again, it's people throwing shit out windows, but you also have the simultaneous bombs and barrels, plus slingshots. I didn't know such a thing was possible. Uh- could it be, that these two levels... were too shitty for America, that's saying a lot. But anyway, they didn't just cut two levels, what they did here they changed the order, they- they took to... Let me give you some visual aid.

The Nerd gets off the couch and then shows these differences on the Jekyll and Hyde game over at the game's shelf. The differences were on the top is the Japanese version, and on the bottom is the American version.

The Nerd: Okay, so here's the Famicom levels one through six, and here's the NES, levels one through six. Okay, so level one of the NES version is level, uh... four of the Famicom version? Uh, which is also level uh... three of the NES version. Um, level two of the NES version is level five of the Famicom- which-which is also level five of the NES version. And then level four of the NES version is level two of the Famicom. And level six is um... the same.

The Nerd: Yeeeaaahhh. So if you ever thought the NES version was repetitive, that's because there's two levels you play twice! Other things you'll see in the Famicom version that you don't see in the NES is mermaids. Yeah, mermaids. The spiders seem to be even more hellbent to kill you. Like I said, there's no pattern. Your best bet is to just keep walking and hope to get lucky. Look at this shit! The Singing Lady is also programmed in the most heartless and inhumane way. If you have enough coins, you can pay her off. But regardless, she's hard to even get near. Her musical notes keep knocking you back. And even after you've made it to the other side, they still keep knocking you back. Don't you think by all logic once I'm on the right side it should start knocking me to the right? I even turned around to see if it would matter. But, no! It still knocks me to the left. It knows! It's deliberate! Some asshole actually programmed it to be as inconvenient as possible. And the final level all you need to see is this! The screen from hell!

Jekyll gets hit the barrels and it's about to turn to Hyde while the Nerd angrily slams the Famicom controller on the couch

The Nerd: I must confess, I cannot beat this game. But I don't want to grow old and have regrets. I'm not coming back in ten years with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde Re-Re-Re-Re-Revisited, no! This has got to get done right here, right now! But I need help. But who? There's no experts. Old shitty game design like this is so out-of-date that even the most modern gaming technicians cannot dissect or even understand how it was made. This type of thing's been discarded these days, except by the most ill-fated shit seekers who keep it in the turd locker as sort of an embarrassment. Wait, what was that I said about growing old? Hmmm.... well with age comes experience, and this requires experience. I know what to do. It meets the conditions.

The Nerd goes to the computer and writes a letter into the future twenty years later. He puts the wrtited letter paper along with a small magnetic cover art of Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde on the envelope with the words GIVE TO: NERD AGE 80. Fade over to the Nerd set into the future, walking in the forest, while the other guy runs over and gives a letter to the Nerd. Then, we fade and pans out into the Jekyll and Hyde cartridge, making a groaning voice.

The Nerd travels back to the present day, riding in a DeLorean Time Machine. He gets out from the DeLorean and visits into the Nerd's room, as the present-day Nerd meets an identical "elderly-looking" Nerd that came presumably from the future.

Elderly Nerd: Nerd. It's me, not you.

The Nerd: It's an honor. Come in.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde cartridge: NNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!

Elderly Nerd: We should begin.

The Nerd: Well, shouldn't I tell you the background of the case first?

Elderly Nerd: Why?

The Nerd: Well, it's taken many manifestations, there's the NES version, the Famicom version...

Elderly Nerd: There is only one. (He takes his top hat off) Come, we must gather some things.

The two age-identical Nerds grabs the first issue of Nintendo Power, a How to Win at Nintendo book, a Rolling Rock, a Lysol disenfecting spray, and a toilet paper.

Elderly Nerd (V/O): The game is a liar, but it'll mix lies with the truth to confuse us. It'll attack us psychologically, don't listen to it.

The Elderly Nerd then wears the robe and the Nintendo "Official Quality Seal" drawn-like necklace over his neck. The Nerd picks up the controller as gameplay is about to start again.

Elderly Nerd: It must use the doors to hide in.

The Nerd: But when I go in the door, I come right back out.

Elderly Nerd: I must time it, precisely.

The Nerd: Ahhhh, it works. But sometimes I can't avoid both the bombs and the barrels.

Elderly Nerd: Then you must let the bombs hit you, but not a direct hit, if it's far enough away it'll deplete your stress meter, but not your life meter.

The Nerd: But then, it'll turn me into Hyde.

Elderly Nerd: But when you come back as Jekyll, all your life will be re-filled.

The Nerd: No shit!

Elderly Nerd: Never try to pass the bomb in. Always walk to the left. Move the screen to the right only when you have the chance.

The Nerd: But that takes forever.

Elderly Nerd: When you've become as patient and as saintly as me, you'll understand.

The Nerd: Ohhhhh... man, I'm get- I get it now.

Elderly Nerd: You just got to keep slowly pushing that screen to the right, just like inching out of turd, precisely. You got this. Now, I'll perform the ritual. (The Elderly Nerd goes over to the NES) In the name of Nintendo, and the Seal of Quality and all that is good, I cast this unclean game out.

The Nerd: Whoa-whoa-whoa-what's happening to the bomb? It's stuck under the screen! Oh, this game's definitely possessed.

Elderly Nerd: Be gone, foul game! Deliver us from this accursed abomination!

Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde cartridge: Your mother sucks cartridges in hell!

The Nerd continues in shock to play the game, as the console is about to shake vibrately.

Elderly Nerd: I denounce you, fallen tyrant of unholy game design. I sanction the plastic and circuit board back from the clutches of the vile demonic designer that disguised its evil within. Strike terror to the beast, laying waste to this cartridge. Redeem this game, so it may never be held captive by this unholy shit spirit!

Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde cartridge: (Cackles) You'll never beat me!

Elderly Nerd: I CAST YOU OUT!!!

As the Jekyll and Hyde cartridge hears more cackling, an evil-looking Letule flashes over in a second, then the walls and the ceilling is about to crack wide open. The Elderly Nerd is falling over on the floor, then the NES games is about to fall off, rumbling over in an quake sequence. The Nerd then suprisingly looks over the Jekyll and Hyde cartridge, as night smokes turned into light, overshadowing into a Pazuzu-like Jekyll and Hyde statue.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde cartridge: You can't win!

The Nerd: LIKE FUCK I CAN'T! (The Nerd continues to beat the game)

The Nerd: There's the chapel, I'm almost there! Oh my God! (Jekyll walks into the chapel in-game) I'm going to do it! (The Nerd is surprised, shouted, and hangs up his arms all the way to excitement, as we play through the bad ending of the Jekyll and Hyde game) I did it!!! (The entrance to the chapel appears, set to an 8-bit rendition of the Wedding March tune, but the bride and Dr. Jekyll did not appear.)

Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde cartridge: (Cackles) That's not the real ending, you missed the final boss!

The Nerd stops being excited and he is about to frown and excitement just paused in for a moment.

Elderly Nerd: It's true. There's a different path.

He continues to pause for excitement, then stops hanging his arms over while still frowns.

The Nerd: Are you telling me, this game has two endings, and a final boss?

Elderly Nerd: In the manual, it is known as Letule. "A mysterious ghost-like demon who appears, attacks, and disappears again."

The Nerd: Letule...

Elderly Nerd: Yes... (He started to cough and takes his glasses off) Now let us rest before we start again.

The two age-identical Nerds sits through behind the NES game library in a confessional box. The Nerd facepalms and distresses while the Elderly Nerd does.

The Nerd: How did they do it? Why did they make a game so bad? What's the point?

Elderly Nerd: I think... the point... this game... is to make us despair. To make us see ourselves as... animal and ugly. To make us reject the possibility... that god may love us.

The Elderly Nerd then coughs again and gets up. He gets the Nerds Rainbow candy box from the computer drawer and eats it. He takes his glasses back on after being a slight recover. The Nerd turns the NES top loader on, picks up the controller, and drinks the Rolling Rock as gameplay is yet to start over for Mr. Hyde.

Elderly Nerd: You must become Hyde, take distant hits from the bombs, make more progress as Hyde to overpass Jekyll.

The Nerd: Excuse me, I thought Hyde reaching the same spot as Jekyll was bad, you're going to endanger us!

Elderly Nerd: Not necessarily, there's actually a very small chance will survive. (The Nerd nods.) By taking the rooftops as Hyde, you can bypass Jekyll, thus evading the lightning blasts.

The Nerd: No shit, so I got to beat the game is Hyde?

Elderly Nerd: Exactly. you got this. (The Elderly Nerd goes over to the NES again behind the TV.) Almighty Nintendo, who created this library of games and who gave third-party powers to those who have tarnished it, give us pity, pardon our sins, and give us the strength to conquer this infernal game!

The top-loader NES is started to fly upward as the cartridge makes some more groaning sounds.

The Nerd: Ahhhhh! Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-don't fall, don't fall!

Elderly Nerd: Be gone, hostile being! You are guilty for those you have tortured! Guilty for the souls of the entire human race!

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde cartridge: (The top-loader NES continues to fly upward) Give me!

The final boss, Letule, popping up appearing in-game for Mr. Hyde. The Nerd then suddenly gasped and shocked.

The Nerd: Oh-oh! It's the final boss! I-I never thought I'd see this, it's the final boss of Jekyll and Hyde!

Elderly Nerd: In the name of Nintendo, it is they who command, they who will judge and compel you!

The Jekyll and Hyde cartridge moves the eyeballs off while groaning sounds continue. The Nerd continues to beat the final boss as he is getting even more gasped and shocked. The "elderly-looking" Nerd continues to shout and whacking over his arm to the NES.

Elderly Nerd: Nintendo Power compels you! (Hyde continues to defeat Letule in-game) Nintendo Power compels you! Nintendo Power compels you! (Flash over to Letule for another second, then flames erupted through as the Pazuzu-like Jekyll and Hyde statue is revealed.) Nintendo Power compels you!

The top-loader NES is about to go down as the cartridge is still groaning, then The Nerd furiously continues to play the final boss of Jekyll and Hyde. Cut to flashbacks of the Nerd showing past Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde episodes in a black-and-white scene. The Re-Revisited episode shows the Nerd holding the cartridge, while in the original episode, the Nerd is facepalming at his computer. Then, cut to static showing a plastic-case Jekyll and Hyde cartridge, as the young Nerd (From the Monkey's Paw short) gasps and makes a shocked face.

Elderly Nerd: Nintendo Power compels you! (The Elderly Nerd continues to cough some more as the top-loader NES goes slowly down) Nintendo Power... compels you... (He coughs once more)

The final boss of Mr. Hyde is finally defeated as puffing sounds hear over on popping up Letule. The Nerd is shocked and surprised and gets up on the couch.

The Nerd: I did it! I did it! (He transforms back into Jekyll and continues walking without enemies through in-game) Oh, oh no, no! I still have to play as Jekyll? Wait, where's all the enemies? I guess now that the boss is defeated the enemies are gone. Oh wow! I can just walk through? I can just walk through.

Jekyll continues to walk through past the chapel again as we see the true ending of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. The Nerd then looks surprised and started to get happy as we see the bride and Dr. Jekyll slowly walks over to the entrance to the wedding chapel, set again to an 8-bit rendition of the Wedding March tune.

The Nerd: This is it. The true ending of Jekyll and Hyde! There's the bride, you actually see her, and she walks just as slow as him. Boy, these two are made for each other. You know, I've never been more happy to see two video game characters get married. You know, good for him. Thank god he made it through all that. Sure he showed up covered in bomb ashes and bird shit, but he made it! He's not going to end up in the fucking dogghouse again! He did it! And fuck all those towns people who tried to stop him! Fuck them and fuck this game too! I did it! I beat Jekyll and Hyde! Yeah!

As the words "END" appear, lighting bolt crashes and flashes over Mr. Hyde hitting a cross in the silhouette background with the words mentioned on the back of the screen, while the Nerd seems to be interesting. The Jekyll and Hyde cartridge then hears some hysterically cackling noises with the Elderly Nerd passing out over to the top-loader NES. The cartridge continues to cackle in for a bit with The Nerd tries to recover the Elderly Nerd, as he is about to distress again.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde cartridge: You didn't beat the Famicom version.

The Nerd: Oh, what? The Famicom version has a different ending?

Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde cartridge: Uh-huh...

The Nerd: Oh no, no, I'm not doing it.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde cartridge: You ain't gonna "Hyde" from this one.

The Nerd: (He chuckles sarcastically, and then...) Fuck you!!!

He turns on the Famicom, picks up the controller and he is about to furiously play to beat the Japanese version of Jekyll and Hyde.

The Nerd: (Angrily) Okay... okay...

Montage plays as it does in the American version, while the Nerd is furiously and angrily playing the game. Then, the final boss for Mr. Hyde appears again while clips from the trailer of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde The Game: The Movie is shown.

The Nerd: Yeah! I beat it! Now where's the difference? Where's the- show me! Where's the difference? (Jekyll continues to walk through past the chapel yet again, in the Japanese version) It all looks the same, where is it! (The bride appears outside while Jekyll is walking past the chapel, wearing a dark pink dress) Where, where... OH! THERE IT IS! THERE IT IS! THE BRIDE! SHE'S IN A DIFFERENT DRESS BEFORE THE WEDDING! THERE'S THE DIFFERENCE YOU FUCK!!!

The Nerd takes the top-loader NES and pulls out of the Jekyll and Hyde cartridge. He is then frustrating on holding and banging it, while he is attempting to destroy it by crushing his hands over the cartridge.

The Nerd: TAKE ME! LEAVE THAT NINTENDO CARTRIDGE ALONE! UMF-TAKE ME! TAKE ME!!!!! (Screams in painful anger)

The Nerd starts to suffer a headache and is exaimned with a painful, moaning scream, as it transforms and flashes into a Jekyll and Hyde face. He runs and hurls out over the wall near the window, then falls and hits off the stairs.

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