Angry Video Game Nerd Wiki

Fear and Loathing in Vegas Stakes - Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN)

(The Angry Video Game Nerd logo in the style of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas appears on screen followed by a quote that says, "He who makes a nerd of himself gets rid of the pain of bad games.")

Raoul Duke: (narrating) We were somewhere, on the edge of the desert... when the shitty games began to take hold.

(Raoul Duke is driving while Dr. Gonzo is playing Shaq Fu on Game Boy)

Dr. Gonzo: (chuckles) Wow, this game man. As your attorney, I'm advising you play Shaq Fu on the Game Boy.

Raoul Duke: No more of that talker or I'll put the fuckin' leeches on ya, understand?! These games are makin' me light-headed. (narrating) Suddenly, there's a terrible roar all around us. (brings out his swatter) And all I can see were bats from Castlevania, bats from Zelda, Ninja Gaiden, ALF, Home Alone, (Shows A Nightmare on Elm Street on NES) bats in every savage game conceivable by rat bastard psychotics! (tries swatting away the bats) Bats that camouflage, go up and down, sideways, all swooping and screeching around the car and a voice was screaming, "HOLY SWEET JESUS, WERE THERE GODDAMN BATS IN TOP GUN?!"

Dr. Gonzo: Did you say somethin', man?

(Raoul Duke pulls over the car on the side of the road. He runs over to the front trunk while still swatting away and opens it.)

Raoul Duke: (narrating) We had 20 LJN games, 10 or more by Color Dreams. We had two sealed copies of Jekyll and Hyde, one of them officially grated. We had over 35 copies of E.T, a Virtual Boy, a Wonder Wizard, a JVC X'Eye, a Dendy Junior, an FM Towns Marty, an Aquarius Mini Expender, and an Ameprod TV G10.

We had all the hellishly intense games with the most grim graphics (shows ALF on NES), the most chicken shit controls... (shows Dark Castle on Genesis) and sounds capable of shaking you right down to the core of your spleen! With every broken side scroller, every cryptic WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU GO type of game, and a whole galaxy of multi-fucked bafflers, glitchers, screamers, laughers, and a roll of toilet paper. Also, Pat Contri's Guide to the SNES Library.

The only thing that really worried me was the R-Zone games. There is nothing in the world more helpless, irresponsible and depraved, than a man in the depths of an R-Zone binge. And I knew we'd get into that rotten shit pretty soon. Not that we needed all that, but once you get stuck playing these foul, wretched abominations, (takes Atari 410 tape recorder) the tendency is to push it as far as you can.

(Raoul goes to the passenger seat)

Raoul Duke: (To Dr. Gonzo) Move over you fuckin' bastard! Your turn to drive.

Dr. Gonzo: (moves to the driver's seat) Fine. You drive too slow, man. We gotta make it to Vegas.

(Raoul uses the tape recorder and starts speaking to the microphone)

Raoul Duke: Time for the journal. It all started. 24 hours ago. I was in my Nerd lair. Playing... casino video games.

(Flashbacks to the Nerd in his room)

The Nerd: Vegas Dream on NES, and Vegas Stakes on SNES. Now, am I missing something here? What's the big idea with playing card games and table games on a video game cartridge, when you could play 'em in real life instead? As long as you're legal age to go to a casino. (takes out Vegas Dream cartridge) Now of course, if you were playin' them in a casino, you'd be betting real money, and chances are losing it. But are these games worth the money you'd be losing? Let's check it out.

(The Nerd inserts the Vegas Dream cartridge in the Nintoaster and turns it on)

Vegas Dream (NES)[]

The Nerd: Vegas Dreams begins with... a plane ride? Couldn't the game just start in the casino? Do we need to see how the character got there? Does his face have to be shrouded in total darkness like a creepy slasher villain?! Did the walls have to be bright neon stripes?!

Could you imagine sitting on a plane, staring at that? Maybe Vegas Dream is a dream. Or maybe a drug-fueled NIGHTMARE!

So you have a choice of blackjack, roulette, slots, and keno. If you're already familiar with how those games are played, there's really not much else to say.

The blackjack game is blackjack, and it functions fine on the NES except, the camera moves back and forth. It's nauseating! How hard would it have been to fit both your hand and the dealer's hand on the same screen? There's plenty of extra space!

The slot machines are... well, slot machines. You just drop money in, pull the lever, and see what happens.

Roulette I find to be the most fun because, as roulette goes, you have a lot more options on where to bet. In general, it does replicate some of that addictive feeling that comes with gambling. It's hard to stop when you have that hunch, that the next bet could be the one that wins big.

(The Nerd wins a big bet ingame)

When you win, this game's kinda cool! When you lose, it sucks.

In an attempt to make the game a little more interesting, other characters will approach you, and you're given a choice how to respond. For example, somebody spills a drink on your jacket, and offers to take it to the cleaners. If you say "Yes", she steals your wallet! Which is explained on the news.

Okay, first of all, how much of an idiot would I have to be to leave my wallet inside my jacket that I give to a stranger, and second, how slow of a day in the news could it possibly be FOR THAT TO BE ON THE FUCKING NEWS?!

Vegas Stakes (SNES)[]

The Nerd: Well, let's see what 8 more bits has to offer. (inserts cartridge in Super Nintendo Entertainment System) Vegas Stakes on Super Nintendo, is in the same vein.

It begins with a group of people in a car. I don't really get the point, and all you hear is this strange, ominous car engine. (car engine sound plays ingame) It's rather unsettling.

When you arrive in Vegas, you have a choice of which character to bring with you to the casinos. I'm sure there's some reason, but I haven't seen these characters interact very much. Especially Zack Morris from Saved by the Bell. Considering he's a teenager and all, he should probably stay in the hotel room.

Anyway, let's talk about the casino games you can play. You can select blackjack, slots, roulette, craps, poker, or even exit the casino and go to a different one, where... you can play pretty much the same games. But with different dollar amounts.

The graphics are much nicer than the NES version. In roulette, you actually see the wheel spin. In slots, the watermelon... actually looks like a watermelon, and not a severed crocodile dick.

Just like in the NES version, you meet characters... who might take your money.

(The Nerd sees Lance Hendrickson ingame)

Wait a minute. Is that Lance Hendrickson? Lance Hendrickson is telling me to bet on red? Should I trust him? It is Lance Hendrickson.

(The Nerd bets on red and the wheel starts spinning. The ball lands on black and the Nerd loses)

The Nerd: (pissed off) Wow, Lance Hendrickson's an asshole!

Somebody comes up to you, and asks if they can hang around you. The options are "Sure, why not?" or "Beat it, you loser". Damn! There's no option to dismiss the person politely? Might as well have, "Fuck off, asshole!" and "Witness your loved ones die in hell as their bloody remains get shoved up your ass by Satan, as he tears your spine out through your dick, while he [fucks so]-" (stops himself) Okay, that's enough.

I said "sure", and then a while later, it says, "You felt a bump when the loser walked past you." The loser. 'Cause that's all they are, is a fuckin' loser. Even the narration is rude! And then of course, you get robbed.

(The Nerd loses 682 dollars ingame)

The Nerd: Everybody pickpockets here, left and right! I mean - don't casinos have security cameras everywhere? Well, because of this lame ass security, I QUIT! (Throws SNES controller) No - I don't. (Picks up SNES controller)

When you lose in poker, the winner (Silver) says, "One day I'll write a book on 'How to Become a Millionaire'. I'll put you in the chapter called, 'Sweet Losers'". (pissed off, again) WOW! What a FUCKIN' ASSHOLE!

And what's up with Johnny? One minute he looks like a normal guy... and then all of a sudden, his face twists into the damn Joker!

(Johnny's face changes to a creepy smile)

The Nerd: Well - that's some freaky shit.

Of course there exist a ton more casino-themed video games. There's all those weird unlicensed NES games from Panesian, like Hot Slots and Peek-a-Boo Poker which are nothing more than your regular casino games, with occasional nudity thrown in. There's also Casino on Atari. Um... yeah.

(Cuts to the Nerd's reaction)

The Nerd: Yeah - that's some stone age shit right here.

(Cuts to Super Caesars Palace on SNES)

The Nerd: One of the better ones, is Caesars Palace, where you can actually walk around the casino. Yeah! Kinda like an overly elaborate menu screen. What do you wanna play next? Well, let's just walk on over.

(Cuts to Caesars Palace on NES)

The Nerd: In the NES version, you can even go to the bathroom!

(Shows men's bathroom door. Then cuts back to the Nerd)

The Nerd: A video game character, that needs to go to the bathroom. Wow, I mean - I mean it makes sense! Mario's gotta be holdin' in some Titanic turds by the time he gets through, but here, finally comes a game that addresses this human bodily function. Otherwise, what am I gonna explain about all these games? I mean, what - am I gonna go into all the rules of blackjack and just get all into it? I'll just sound like an instruction manual, so I really don't know how to review these games any further, so... I'm sorry, I'm just at a loss here.

(Dr. Gonzo appears wearing a red Hawaiian shirt and sunglasses. He sits down next to the Nerd and talks to him)

Dr. Gonzo: As your attorney, here's what I think you need to do. In order to review these games properly, you're gonna have to get into the right mindset. First, you're gonna have to dress the part. Sunglasses, hat, Hawaiian shirt. Just like Raoul Duke in Hunter S. Thompson's book, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

(Dr. Gonzo gives the clothes and book to the Nerd)

The Nerd: (Addresses the book) The book cover. Based on the movie starring Johnny Depp. Based on the book.

Dr. Gonzo: We're gonna arm ourselves to the teeth. Get a convertible, a tape recorder, and all the shitty games to harness that old-school Nerd anger.

(The Nerd takes off his nerd shirt and puts on a Hawaiian shirt, sunglasses, and hat)

The Nerd: You're right. Covering these games in any traditional sense would be absurd. (Starts doing a Raoul Duke impression) We gotta do it, pure Nerd journalism. (Holds a fake cigarette to his mouth)

Dr. Gonzo: Damn right. We gotta go to a place where we can see the REAL casino games. Where we can smell the cigarettes and whiskey. We gotta go to Las... Veg...

(The scene suddenly changes to Raoul Duke playing a game on Game Boy while in a car)

Raoul Duke: ASSSSSSS! The Shaq Fu game is ASS, man!

Dr. Gonzo: (driving) Chill out, man! Play this! (Hands Raoul a portable game console)

Raoul Duke: What's this?

Dr. Gonzo: Retro Duo Portable. Plays Nintendo and Super Nintendo games on the go!

Raoul Duke: We can't play this. (Points to the cartridge) This is Donkey Kong Country.

Dr. Gonzo: Right. Bad games. (Takes an SNES cartridge out of his shirt pocket) Here, take one dose of this!

Raoul Duke: Road Runner's Death Valley Rally? I love the Road Runner cartoons! (Inserts cartridge into portable console)

Road Runner's Death Valley Rally (SNES)[]

(Title screen appears on screen)

Raoul Duke: It looks beautiful, man! Colorful graphics. Fast speed action... Faithful to the cartoons. Even has the Coyote falling animation. (To Dr. Gonzo) How long do I have before I start flippin' out?

Dr. Gonzo: It'll be a miracle if you make it much longer.

Raoul Duke: At first, the game seemed great. You just let that Coyote bastard chase you. He will follow. Seems simple... but then, the benevolent bullshit reared its ugly head to say, "Pleased to meet you. Hope you guessed my name."

(The Road Runner dies to a plane)

Raoul Duke: What is this shitload of muck?! In only a few minutes, the game changes, from a fun, fast-paced speedrunner, to a slippery platformer and WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU GO game. Your speed is either fully running or standing still. Two-gear diarrhea. You must repeatedly tap the D-pad to maintain a medium, non-hazardous speed.

I just wanna run! I'm the fuckin' Road Runner, goddammit!

Why are all these platforms in the desert, anyway?! These controls are shattered, man! You must move as slowly as possible.

(The Road Runner struggles to go up a ramp)

Raoul Duke: Oh fuck, man! I need the momentum, to get up the hill. Sweet Jesus! Go back! Get up there! Hop up! Like a bunny! I'm stuck in a valley! Come on, come on. What the FUCK?! This drags the anal sauce to the back of the brain!

(As Raoul keeps playing, the car passes by a hitchhiking Spider-Man)

Dr. Gonzo: (Notices Spider-Man) Let's give that boy a lift.

(The car stops suddenly and starts backing up next to Spider-Man)

Spider-Man: Hey, thanks for the ride!

Raoul Duke: (To Spider-Man) You're sure about this? I am playing, Road Runner's Death Valley Rally. Is that... up your alley?

(Spider-Man looks at Dr. Gonzo)

Dr. Gonzo: (Makes unusual gesture with his thumb) I'm just admirin' the shape of your skull.

Spider-Man: Uh... okay?

Raoul Duke: Well... get in!

(The car continues to drive on the road in a desert)

Raoul Duke: (narrating) "How long could we maintain?", I wondered.

(Dr. Gonzo is seen playing a Virtual Boy while driving)

Raoul Duke: Before one of us starts raving at this poor guy about lousy game mechanics, bats and Medusa heads coming down the car?! No point. The poor bastard will see him soon enough.

Raoul Duke: (To Spider-Man) You wanna play uh, a Tiger Electronic handheld game? (Holds a Mega-Man 2 handheld game)

Spider-Man: Um... no.

Raoul Duke: How 'bout uh,

Spider-Man: Huh?

Raoul Duke: Never mind. Now listen. This is an extremely dangerous assignment. You know the Road Runner, right?

Spider-Man: Uh... sure?

Raoul Duke: He runs fast. That's his thing. But not in THIS game!

(Cuts back to Death Valley Rally gameplay)

Raoul Duke: Instead, ya have to bounce on trampolines to make it to the ledge. And one bounce is never enough! How can you make a game based on a character who runs?! When all you do is bounce on trampolines and hop on platforms?! Imagine if Sonic never had the chance to run! These dingbat game designers are abusing a beloved character, and humping the American Dream! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!

(Spider-Man nods)

Raoul Duke: (narrating) He said he understood. But I could tell, he didn't.

Spider-Man: Um, is he okay to drive?

(Dr. Gonzo is seen playing a Virtual Boy while driving)

Raoul Duke: Never mind him! Now pay attention.

(Cuts back to gameplay)

Raoul Duke: If you touch a bush, it hurts you. But you can run through a cactus, unharmed! EXPLAIN THAT TO ME!

(The Road Runner gets run over by one of Coyote's vehicles)

Raoul Duke: God, almighty!

(The Road Runner dies to an enemy)

Raoul Duke: NOOOOOOO! It's only the beginning of the game! Why is it so goddamn DIFFICULT?! Where do I go?! I guess down there? It takes a leap of faith, man.

(The Road Runner falls to his death)

Raoul Duke: FUUUUCK!

(The "That's all Folks!" endcard from Looney Tunes appears)

Raoul Duke: Those heartless swines give you only three lives?! NO continues?! Those gutless bastards! Fuck this savage piece of engineering!

(Raoul takes the cartridge out and throws it up in the air. He then takes out the Telstar Arcade gun and shoots at it. It explodes into pieces, which startles Spider-Man)

Spider-Man: Oh God! (jumps off the car)

Dr. Gonzo: Hey, man! You scared off Spider-Man!

Raoul Duke: (In realization) Holy shit! That was Spider-Man?!

(As Raoul and Dr. Gonzo keep driving through the desert, they pass by a sign that reads, "DON'T GAMBLE with SHITTY GAMES" and shows the LJN logo. "Jon Tones", a parody of "She's a Lady" covered by "Epic Game Music" plays. They arrive in the city of Las Vegas, Nevada)

Dr. Gonzo: Whoa. They fixed this place up pretty good after that monster attacked.

(Cut to a giant monster destroying the Eiffel Tower)

Dr. Gonzo: You actually saw that thing! Why don't you talk about it more?

Raoul Duke: (turns to the camera) What happens in Vegas... stays in Vegas.

(Raoul and Dr. Gonzo awkwardly play with various gaming accessories and consoles in the middle of the city)

Raoul Duke: (narrating) The effects of the games were kicking in. Making us behave like the guy in Dark Castle. Total loss of basic motor skills, blurred vision. You watch yourself behave in this manner, but can't control it. Like the LJN Roll & Rocker. Menacing vibrations were all around us. We were heading into trouble... pushing our luck. And I knew, we were gonna ride this torpedo turd, to a place... where the buffalo shit runs.

Dr. Gonzo: We forgot! We gotta play casino games!

Raoul Duke: Oh. Right. Let's try... (takes out a cartridge from his shirt pocket) Caesars Palace.

(Raoul inserts the cartridge into the Genesis Nomad portable console)

Caesars Palace (Sega Genesis)[]

Raoul Duke: The 16-bit graphics take it a step further than its 8-bit predecessor. I feel more now like I'm actually walking in a casino. This must be what it's like in Caesars Palace. It's the closest you can get.

Dr. Gonzo: Or you could just, go to Caesars Palace.

(Raoul looks back at the real-world Caesars Palace. He shakes his head and keeps playing)

Raoul Duke: (narrating) As we observed the various casinos, horrible realities began to dawn on us. Casinos are like video games. They're designed like labyrinths, such as Milon's Secret Castle, with no clear exit. Those gutless bastards want you to stay. To keep spending your money, they lure you in with bright lights, pretty graphics, like Road Runner. It looks nice. You get entranced, and once you're in, you're stuck... with no clocks or windows to the outside world.

You're teased with near wins and games designed to give you the illusion of control. Casino patrons are the same as video game nerds. You either waste your money on the slots and tables, or a shitty video game. (Shows Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde on NES)

In the retro age, we had no Internet to tell us if a game was bad. It was all a gamble, with higher odds to the house. Take for instance, those heartless swines at LJN, the big proud golden nugget of shit. You place your bets on Jaws, Friday the 13th, and Back to the Future. But chances were, you'd roll craps.

Was it possible that we've gone to such excess, that I couldn't look at any game without seeing an introspective nightmare?

(Raoul observes the Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing slot machine. Then, he pulls the lever. He rolls 3 pixelated Tong Shau Pings and Seamen starts coming out of the winning slot)

Raoul Duke: (narrating) I was surrounded by Seamen. And somebody was given booze to these goddamn things!

(The King and Zelda are seen laughing with each other, while E.T, Jimmy Lee, a pixelated Michael Jackson, and the dog from Duck Hunt are hanging out in the casino. Upon seeing this, Raoul lets out a shriek. The King and Zelda's laughs become more deep and distorted)

Raoul Duke: Ah! (passes out)

(The scene transitions to Raoul and Dr. Gonzo in their hotel room. Raoul is seen playing an Atari 2600 game)

Raoul Duke: (narrating) We were stuck in a vortex, playing whacked out games. And there is no telling how deep into degeneracy filth we would go. (the player dies)

I don't get it. (takes out Pac-Kong cartridge) What is... Pac-Kong? Is it Pac-Man? Donkey Kong? King Kong? Or Transformers?

Dr. Gonzo: You gotta be crazy on acid to think that thing looks like a Transformer.

(Raoul puts the game cartridge back in and plays again)

Raoul Duke: Well, it's... none of the above. Just a generic, ladder platformer. This isn't what I need, man!

Dr. Gonzo: Right. As your attorney, I'm advising you to try LSD... (holds the game cover) for the PlayStation.

(Raoul looks at Dr. Gonzo)

Dr. Gonzo: It was only ever released to Japan, because nobody else could handle it. This game, I warn you, is like one of God's high-powered prototypes. A mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. So only play a little bit of it, okay?

(Raoul picks up the PlayStation controller and begins playing)

LSD: Dream Emulator (PS1)[]

Raoul Duke: At first, it seemed like nothing. You just walk around aimlessly in 3D environments. But then, it kicked in.

(Raoul’s vision becomes distorted)

Raoul Duke: It was a fantastic spectacle. It was the type of game that short circuits your brain and grounds it for the longest time possible. Have we deteriorated to the level of dumb beasts? Old elephants limp off to the hills to die. Gamers go to Jekyll and Hyde... but to play something like this, defies all reason.

(Raoul lets out a loud shriek as his vision becomes more distorted)

Dr. Gonzo: (echoing) You play too much, man! You play too much! Too much!

Raoul Duke: (echoing) Don't you come fuckin' near me! (narrating) It's a game that only attracts a very specific breed. There's no goal, except to walk around and explore for hours. Then occasionally, the full motion video plays. A kid eating?

(Raoul quietly shrieks)

Raoul Duke: It's a game too weird to exist, but too rare to die. And certainly impossible to review. Because there's absolutely nothing to explain. The game crept up my spine like the first rising vibe of an acid frenzy. My medulla closed itself off from the signals it was getting from the frontal lobes... as the middle brain was desperately trying to put a different interpretation of the scene before me.

(Raoul's vision becomes more distorted and gets stressed out)

Dr. Gonzo: Let me try.

(Raoul cowardly hands Dr. Gonzo the controller and looks away. As Dr. Gonzo keeps playing, the player sees a mysterious figure)

Dr. Gonzo: (gasps) Oh! (gasps again) Oh! Oh SHIT!

(The mysterious figure goes through a wall, which freaks Dr. Gonzo out. The player sees a lady. But when she turns around, her head comes off. In response to this, Raoul quietly laughs)

Raoul Duke: (narrating) It was a hell broth of bizarre visuals sprayed with every grim detail, besides two Smurfs fuckin' a polar bear. It was unfit for mortal eyes. I was now on a survival trip, heading straight into catatonic despair and manic overload.

(As the player continues to explore unique, unusual environments, Raoul and Dr. Gonzo’s visions become more distorted to the point where they start losing their minds. Suddenly, knocks are heard on the door)

Hotel Employee: Room service! (continues knocking)

Raoul Duke: (gasps) It's the NARCs! They'll run us down like dogs!

Dr. Gonzo: What - you think they're gonna lock us up for playin' LSD?

Raoul Duke: Lock us up? No, don’t kill us, man! (Shows NARC on NES) Just like in NARC, drug dealers and junkies get no fair trial. The cops just murder you on the spot.

Long Haired Guy: (singing) Who smokes the bloods? We smoke the bloods! Rolling blunts and smoke-

(The other guy notices a NARC agent with a gun)

NARC Agent: Make my day. (gunshot)

(The scene changes back to Raoul and Dr. Gonzo in the hotel room)

Raoul Duke: It's all a trick. (pulls out the Telstar Arcade gun) You're a fuckin' Narcotics agent, I knew it!

Dr. Gonzo: (with his hands up) Get a grip, man.

Raoul Duke: Fuck you, you fuckin' pig fucker!

Dr. Gonzo: Get a grip...

(Raoul and Dr. Gonzo both struggle against the gun, but the latter hits Raoul with it and knocks him out)

(Raoul wakes up on the floor with various game controllers and consoles piled on and around him)

Raoul Duke: (narrating) When I came to, there was evidence in this room of excessive consumption of almost every type of foul, rotten video game known to civilized humans, since 1972 A.D. These were not the hoof prints of your normal video game addict. This was that... of a world-class shit seeker.

(Dr. Gonzo wakes up on the floor, also with various game accessories and consoles piled on and around him)

Raoul Duke: (narrating) What have we degraded to?

(Raoul gets up and starts typing from his laptop. The hotel room is messy, with windows shattered and stains on the bed)

Raoul Duke: (narrating) What was the meaning of this trip? Had I come to Vegas to work on a review? Or, to reflect on a doom-struck era when an eager gaming culture thought anything with robots, ninjas, and dinosaurs, guaranteed happiness at 50 bucks a hit? That retro age was a special time to be a part of.

(A silhouette of Raoul is shown, with various game clips playing in the background)

Raoul Duke: (narrating) No words can touch that sense of knowing, that you were there and alive. When any game based on Batman, The Simpsons or Ninja Turtles, had to be awesome. There was a fantastic universal sense that we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful pop culture neon wave. And now, you can stand at the top of a steep hill of the modern decade, and look to the past. And with the right kind of eyes, you can see that place where the wave broke and rolled back... leaving behind a failed generation of shit seekers. But I now look, to the light... at the end of the tunnel.

(The scene changes to Raoul driving back through the road in a desert)

Raoul Duke: There is only one road back to the past. Interstate Shitty. Just a flat out high speed burn over dead skunks and road turds. Then onto the disenchanted freeway, straight into frantic oblivion. Safety. Obscurity. Just another Nerd... in the Nerd kingdom.

(A parody of "Jumpin' Jack Flash" covered by "Epic Game Music" plays. The original song is by The Rolling Stones)

Julian Spillane: (singing) I was born. Playin' shitty fuckin' games! And I howled, as I felt my goddamn chain! But it's a whole... shit... now. In fact, it's all I ask! But it's a whole... shit... now. It's fuckin' jack shit, it's just ass ass ass!

(As Raoul drives through the desert, he passes by a sign that shows the AVGN and Cinemassacre logos)