The Nerd: (Looks at Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Action 52, And Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde on NES In disgust) You're CRUEL, and miserable games. You exist for one purpose! To reap everything I've sown! You've robbed me, not only of my childhood, but my adulthood too! (Takes a swig of the glass) I've been cursed to play your bullshit 'til the end of time. But thankfully, the end of time is about to COME, The year 2020 is upon us. Doomsday! Yeah, there were 20 years off with Y2K, but THIS is it! For real, and with only one week left, the ceremony must begin. (Takes out three masks for each game to wear) You must wear these masks until the midnight of New Year's. They've been carefully selected as caricatures of your True, shitty natures!
The Nerd: (Gives TMNT on NES's mask) Your mask represents The Solicitor, The one who uses familiar source material to cash-in, and disrespects the love for the franchise! You don't respond to love, you only respond to what your petty hunger dictates. To Things that have value. You're the kind that appraises franchises without seeing their beauty. You're nothing but Greed!
The Nerd: (Gives Action 52's mask) Your Mask is the Overzealous Coward, The one who has nothing to give, but somehow, Gives to much of it. You're an overflowing garbage can on Filth, bloated and packed to the gills with nonsense. Bullshit to the highest capacity to hide your incompetent, broken gameplay.
The Nerd: (Gives Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde's Mask) And of course, YOU! You were the mask of the Heartless Punisher, Tricking me with Useless Weaponry and Sucker-Punch Pitfalls at EVERY step! You see humanity as Small animals caught in a trap to be tortured! Your pleasure is THE GIVING OF PAIN! From this you feel the same sense of joy one might get from a kiss or an embrace!
The Nerd: Shame on you, Shame on ALL YOU SHITTY GAMES! All your Cryptic Mazes, Bad Controls, Unfair Jumps, Vomit-Inducing Graphics, Lack of Continues, Long Passwords! I Hope your proud of yourselves. May God, the Devil, and whatever else have pity on you. As for me, I wear The Mask of The Thing That Stalks me At this Very Moment. (The mask of Majora, as The Nerd puts it on.) You shitty, shitty games. (Opens the window, as the Moon stares menacingly At the screen.) You stole my life away, it's all yours, YOU inherit Everything left of my soul. Now, You can dig deep in the treasury, but before the world ends, I must play one last game. (The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask on Nintendo 64)
Mr. Lobo: Submitted for your approval: Mr. Nerd, a frustrated gamer