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(The Nerd's room appears, in huge mess of beer bottles, candy canes, and broken ornaments. A calendar with shot glasses appear, as The Nerd takes the 25th glass.)

The_Legend_of_Zelda_Majora's_Mask_(N64)_-_Angry_Video_Game_Nerd_(AVGN)

The Legend of Zelda Majora's Mask (N64) - Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN)

The Nerd: (Looks at Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Action 52, And Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde on NES In disgust) You're CRUEL, and miserable games. You exist for one purpose! To reap everything I've sown! You've robbed me, not only of my childhood, but my adulthood too! (downs a shot) I've been cursed to play your bullshit 'til the end of time. But thankfully, the end of time is about to COME, The year 2020 is upon us. Doomsday! Yeah, there were 20 years off with Y2K, but THIS is it! For real, and with only one week left, the ceremony must begin. (Takes out three masks for each game to wear) You must wear these masks until the midnight of New Year's. They've been carefully selected as caricatures of your True, shitty natures!

The Nerd: (Gives TMNT on NES's mask) Your mask represents The Solicitor, The one who uses familiar source material to cash-in, and disrespects the love for the franchise! You don't respond to love, you only respond to what your petty hunger dictates. To things that have value. You're the kind that appraises franchises without seeing their beauty. You're nothing but greed!

The Nerd: (Gives Action 52's mask) Your Mask is the Overzealous Coward, The one who has nothing to give, but somehow, gives too much of it. You're an overflowing garbage can on filth, bloated and packed to the gills with nonsense. Bullshit to the highest capacity to hide your incompetent, broken gameplay.

The Nerd: (Gives Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde's Mask) And of course, YOU! You were the mask of the Heartless Punisher, Tricking me with Useless Weaponry and Sucker-Punch Pitfalls at EVERY step! You see humanity as small animals caught in a trap to be tortured! Your pleasure is THE GIVING OF PAIN! From this you feel the same sense of joy one might get from a kiss or an embrace!

The Nerd: Shame on you, Shame on ALL YOU SHITTY GAMES! All your Cryptic Mazes, Bad Controls, Unfair Jumps, Vomit-Inducing Graphics, Lack of Continues, Long Passwords! I hope your proud of yourselves. May God, the Devil, and whatever else have pity on you. As for me, I wear The Mask of The Thing That Stalks me At this Very Moment. (The mask of Majora, as The Nerd puts it on.) You shitty, shitty games. (Opens the window, as the Nerd Moon stares menacingly at the screen.) You stole my life away, it's all yours, YOU inherit Everything left of my soul. Now, you can dig deep in the treasury, but before the world ends, I must play one last game. (The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask on Nintendo 64)

(A parody of the Twilight Zone B&W intro plays with Mr. Lobo appearing as the narrator)

Mr. Lobo: Submitted for your approval: Mr. Nerd, a frustrated gamer with no life outside this room, except for a virtual world which he's created - a world that will come to an end, when his anger causes its total destruction on New Years' Eve. But until then, he has one week to take care of some unfinished business. He must complete one of the most beloved Zelda games, Majora's Mask. Other YouTubers cherish it, but this is not your usual reviewer... this is the Angry Video Game Nerd.

The Nerd: When it comes to fantasy adventure games, I can't think of any franchise that has made as big an impact on me as Zelda. Each installment was a milestone that represented the full capabilities of the console was released on and the generation of its time. The overhead 2D format will always be the traditional classic Zelda (A Link to the Past) for me, but the franchise was never afraid to experiment. Zelda 2 was a side scroller and Ocarina of Time was three-dimensional. Even though the 3D format somehow it became the standard after that. But anyway, Ocarina was such a big hit the next thing I knew a VHS tape came in the mail promoting Majora's Mask. I thought to myself... What? Another Zelda game? Already? Judging by the look of it, it seemed they reused the same 3D engine as Ocarina which was confirmed but it also seen Nintendo was being careful not to copy Ocarina too much. So they reinvented the franchise as we know it. No Ganon, no Triforce, no Hyrule, and no Zelda except for a brief flashback. At that time I had just burnt myself out finishing Ocarina and moved on to other things, so I sadly missed out on Majora's Mask. But in the 20 years since I never stopped thinking about that creepy moon. (The Nerd sits down on the couch as the Majora's Mask sits on behind the Christmas lights) As time went on I've heard so much enthusiasm for this game. It has a whole community behind it and some people even say it's the greatest Zelda game ever made. So it's been a bucket list item for me which I'm finally about to check off the list.

The Nerd: First, I have to get out of the way the Nintendo 64's graphics look like shit. And aged like shit too. Those blocky and murky textures, Aww... But hey, what can you do, it's Nintendo 64. You can't blame them but the pioneering days of 3D graphics don't hold up as well as the 2D games. I mean look at Link to the Past, in my opinion that still shines as perfect as ever.

The Nerd: Back to Majora. The setting is a doomed world called Termina, which was created from the powers of a dark magical mask, Majora's of course. After the mask was stolen by Skull Kid, it somehow formed Termina vaguely modeling it after memories of Hyrule and its inhabitants which is why many characters look the same. But this world is only temporary as the big scary moon is slowly coming down to crash and kill everyone and everything. I have to say that moon is fucking awesome. It's cool just knowing it's always up there staring down at ya. There's only three days left to live. The people are all aware of the coming apocalypse but there's nothing they can do about it nor are they even trying to do anything. They just sit around and say: Yep, we're all gonna die. Man, that's depressing. This is a depressing game. I like it.

The Nerd: So Link has to save the world. The goal is more or less the same as any Zelda game.You have to complete a series of dungeons and do a bunch of random shit in between. A big part of this game is the learning of Ocarina melodies and collection of masks which all give you different unique capabilities. Most are optional, but the main required masks transform Link into different species like Deku, Goron and Zora. When transformed, you can use those species powers and skills which is vital in progressing in certain parts of the game. When Link puts the masks on, Apparently, It's painful. (Link puts the Deku mask on and he screams) Oh, geez! He's screaming in agony! Man, I feel bad for making them do that.

The Nerd: In short: it's your typical Zelda, with some new game mechanics here and there. However, there is one major thing that sets it apart from the others. As I said before, they had to do something to make it stand out from Ocarina. Well, they figured why not give it a time limit. Zelda with a time limit? How does that work?

The Nerd: Well as mentioned, The moon is going to destroy everything in three days which roughly translates to one hour of playtime. Unless you play the Song of Inverted Time which slows it down and gives you almost three hours. If you let the clock run out, what happens? Well, of course I had to find out.

(The moon falls as turned by flaming comet, as it destroys the entire Termina land, such as a Clock Tower which falls down, then Link is shown, groaning and screams as he blown away by exploding flames)

The Nerd: Wow. Well after 20 years, that still looks cool.

The Nerd: So what exactly happens? Well simply put: Game Over. Now of course, you can't complete an entire Zelda game in less than three hours, That's where the Song of Time comes in. When you play it, it acts as Link's Time Machine sending him back to the Dawn of Day One. You keep your melodies and masks and any major items you've collected, but the rest of the world resets. The characters you've met all have forgotten and everything starts up again as if nothing happened. So Link is basically experiencing the same thing as Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, cursed to relive the same events over and over. No wonder why he acts like there's no consequences. Breaking into people's homes, strutting around like he owns the place, walking away from explosions, getting drunk at the bar, dancing in front of strangers and igniting a bomb at somebody's front door to get them to come out like some kind of Mischief's Night Prank. What an ass!

The Nerd: So basically any time before the third day ends, you have to play that song and go back in time. Otherwise the moon will crash and you lose your progress. You just don't let it happen. Playing the song it doesn't just send you back it also saves the game, and it's the only way you can truly save. There is a quick save which you can do is by hitting Owl statues but that's only a temporary save then you can only load once. Uh, yeah. So if you want to save and feel good about it you got to go back in time. Now, I always thought saving was the preservation of progress up until the present time. But here, to save, you got to go back to the beginning! What kind of sense does that make?

The Nerd: When you go back, you keep your main items as mentioned. But all your Rupees are gone, your Arrows, gone. Bombs, gone. Sticks, Nuts, Bottle items, any inventory, it all goes away. Plus any side quests you are working on or people you've interacted with, any items you've unlocked or special events that took place, all that is lost. So saving is something you don't want to do until the three days are almost up and you have no other choice. You have to put a lot of thought into what exactly you plan to accomplish before your next save. You wouldn't want to start something on the second or third day and then realize you're at a time, and have to do it over again. It's like you have to plan your gameplay sessions within these three hour intervals. Many times I had to leave the system on overnight and pray for no power outages. I gotta be honest, I like playing games where you can save any time you want, Like Zelda. Oh man, I can't reference Zelda because I'M PLAYING FUCKIN' ZELDA!

The Nerd: Then there's occasions where you need time to speed up certain events only happened during the day or night or at a specific hour or whatever. You can skip forward with the Song of Double Time, or a dancing scarecrow. Yeah, a dancing scarecrow. But these methods skip you ahead six to twelve hours. You can't just go to whatever hour you want so you're still gonna wait around a lot. And waiting is something that's never fun in real life or in games. Look at Link's scratching himself, you can't take it anymore.

The Nerd: Are you thinking what I'm thinking? What if you're in a dungeon? You know, the main areas in Zelda games where most of the action and puzzle solving takes place. The parts that usually take the most time and the most work. What if you're up to your ass in one of those and the clock runs out? With the Song of Time preserve your dungeon progress? I don't want to find out. With the Song of Inverted Time slowing it down to three hours, that's probably enough. But don't even threaten me with that shit! Just the fact there's a time limit hovering over me, makes me nervous as hell and takes all the fun away! (A plastic Target bag full of diarrhea is placed on the ceiling with a placed sticked tape on the top) It would be like duct taping a bag of diarrhea to the ceiling while you try to get work done. it probably won't fall, as long as you make sure the duct tape is secure. But then you stop and think it actually has no reason to be there. I mean, give me a reason, a time limit in a Zelda game, What we're they fucking thinking?!

(The Nerd takes a shot glass (December 26th) from the December 2019 calendar, then drinks at it)

The Nerd: The clock is a story in itself. At first, it appears to be like the upper half of a regular analog clock, especially since 12's at the top center. But why is six on the right and left? Why is there both the sun and a moon going around in a circle? My intuitive nature to think it's anything like a regular clock only confused the hell out of myself. From what I was able to make sense of, it runs from 6 a.m. to 6 p.m., and then changes to 6 p.m. to 6 a.m., and so on for each day. The yellow sun is always a minute hand, the red sun is the hour hand. But the red sun changes to a moon at night. Why doesn't the minute hand also change to a moon? Why not just have a regular clock or a simple digital counter?

The Nerd: I mentioned every time you go back and save, you'll lose your Rupees. Unless first you deposit them in the bank. Now let me tell you about the bank because this is a whole shit-show. First of all, what's up with the bank teller? What's she doing? Yeah that's great. Have you ever gone to the bank and the teller is thrashing their arms up and down? (The Nerd thrashes his arms up and down just like the bank teller in the game.) If that has ever happened, I'd like to know.

The Nerd: It's amusing the first time you see it, maybe the 10th. But by the hundredth time, Uhh, you have to go through the same dialog every time. An actual ATM is quicker. And then you have to enter the amount you want to deposit. Of course you want to deposit all, but there's no option for all. You have to enter the exact amount you have and if it's a lot, she gives you interest immediately handing over five Rupees. Now I have to go through that all over again just to deposit five Rupees? Can you just add it to my balance? Then after you save, you have to withdraw your Rupees which means going back to the bank and going through all the dialogue again! And after you withdraw you pay a service charge of four Rupees. Then what was the point of the five Rupees you gave me earlier? And there's no withdrawal all option either. Again, you have to enter the exact amount. One time I only took out a partial amount then decided I wanted more and the dialogue started up again. Excuse me, but let me take a look at you. Ah yes... Link. You have to recognize me again? I was just here! I didn't even go anywhere! I've been standing right in front your fuckin' face!!!

The Nerd: You know how fast this could work? Like this! Deposit, Withdraw, All or Enter Amount. What's so hard about that? or even better just keep your Rupees, like every other Zelda game! You might be thinking, this is just a minor thing. Just a small part in the game but no, no. This is a huge major part because every single time you save, you have to repeat the whole Deposit/Withdraw routine. And it doesn't end there, you also have to re-stock your Arrows, Bombs, Bottle items, everything! So good luck farming for all that shit! Every... single... time! It's the only game I know we're saving could take twenty minutes. Well gee, the time limit, the saving that sends you back, the weird clock, the banking system, that's probably all the bad things, right? I'm gonna move ahead now and just assume the rest of the game is totally perfect. But I've been wrong before.

The Nerd: Let's look on the bright side, which in this case, is the dark side the visual design. It's bizarre, twisted and down right unsettling. I love it. Dude, it's like a combination of Neverending Story and Nightmare Before Christmas. This game's got some weird shit! There's the Happy Mask Salesman who speaks of jarring jump cuts. And then without any warning, strangles Link....

(The Happy Mask Salesman shakes Link as it become angry and struggles it without warning)

The Nerd: ...For a bit too long. Then there's a certain song that summons a creepy Link statue. Ohhhh... Now that's some freaky-dinky shit. Then there's beings known as them (or they) that come out at night. There's the Professor (Shikashi) with the goat-like head. Yeah, this guy's one of my favorites. There's Guru-Guru who plays the organ grinder faster, and faster, and faster! (The organ grinder tune becomes fast enough, which is similar from the Ocarina game) He, he, he keeps getting more and more tense! His anxious mood rubs off on you.

The Nerd: Then there's Mummies that stare into your soul. (The mummies are walking slowly, set to woman screaming, then it jumps through and attacks Link) Ohhhh.... Oh dude.(The Nerd drops the controller and picks it back up and starts mashing the buttons) AHHH!!! AHHH!!! Oh, oh, Get it off! Get it off!

The Nerd: But perhaps the creepiest part is when you go into this house, and out of the cabinet comes... this thing (From a scientist named a Music Box Monster, which becomes a Gibdo). Then this little girl (Who is named Pamela which she locked from the closet in the basement, then runs and finds her father behind him) stands in front of him who turns out to be his daughter. She knows her dad turned into some monster, but she still loves him and that's some sad shit. You play the Song of Healing, he reverts back to his regular self, and they hug it out. (Pamela's father reverted back from a Gibdo to a normal self, then hugs his daughter, while the Nerd takes off his glasses as he emotionally satisfied) Oh, oh man.

The Nerd: I gotta light in the mood, the game has it's share of funny moments like the arguing skulls, the skeleton hand that comes out of toilet asking for toilet paper, I guess. The shopkeeper who keeps itching himself. I don't know what the point of most this is, and it's not all that funny, you just got to make it funny like these loving Seahorses that give you a heart. I don't know why that makes me laugh but it does.

The Nerd: When you swim, I can't help but think that sounds like a cat puking. Or, more specifically, the pre-puke hacking phase when the vomit's bein' pumped u- ok, you get it. The puzzle solving is on par for what you'd expect with a Zelda game. It's all about the "brain teasers". You have to melt ice on the ceiling to cause a waterfall to tilt a seesaw to raise yourself to the next one, there's rooms you have to flip upside down and back again to drop blocks into certain areas to activate certain buttons and shit. It's madness, but that's Zelda. There's also some really cool boss battles, like this guy here. (Gomess) Definitely feeling the Tim Burton vibe.

The Nerd: So there, I said some good things about the game. But that's all anybody ever talks about isn't good things. The bad things, well, that's my job. For me, the majority of it has been consistently frustrating. It has its share of bad camera angles, difficult jumps and occasional glitches. Many of the boss battles are repetitive and grueling like this one where you have to kill all the eyeballs. Do you think there's enough eyeballs?

The Nerd: Dialog can be a chore. Sometimes if there's more than one character close together, it's hard to speak to the right one. Like here, it's the kid I want to talk to, but this asshole keeps getting in my way. When buying large quantities of items, you have to buy them one at a time. If you screw up a quest, it can be insanely punishing making you have to go back to the first day to start again. Like I said, many of these quests operate on a three-day schedule where you have to be in all the right places at the right time. I went to a farm, had to do a target practice session, wait for a specific night defend a barn from a bunch of alien ghosts, then defend a shipment of milk from bandits. But I lost, and just because of that, I had to redo all the above the whole three-day cycle all over again! It's easy to get disoriented, for one example, I just met the skeleton dude and now I'm supposed to chase him. A cutscene plays and afterwards, Oh shit! I'm facing in the wrong direction! I re-oriented myself and go after him but now, just because I delayed for one short moment, I'm never able to catch up with him. It's over! Rather than giving you a quick second chance, you have to leave the area and come back. Why?

The Nerd: There's a wall with a maze of ladders that are invisible. You have to use the lens of truth just to see them and then still, you have to pick the right path. Every second they're visible you're depleting your Magic Meter. I had just barely enough to find my way to the top. Look at this, now that's an image. All I'm trying to do is get a treasure and there's a black cloud over my head, literally! Speaking of overhead...

(The Nerd looks back at the Nerd Moon on the window, then stares in grief. He then takes another shot glass of the next day (December 27th) off from the December 2019 calendar.)

The Nerd: There’s a couple times when you have to win a race the first time. You’re in your Goron body rolling with other Gorons. At first it seems like a cool minigame, but the problem is you have to come in first place. Not second, not third, first. They leave you no room for error if you bump into anything just once you won't make it. You have to practice it over and over until you memorize every inch of that entire course. The other race is on horseback, but it's the same thing. You need a perfect run. And worse this time, every try costs you 10 Rupees. Considering this is a mini-game and that, racing is not the main skill in Majora's Mask or any Zelda game, you'd think they could be a little more forgiving. Even in Mario Kart, you don't have to be in first place to move on. The controls suck, due to the clunkiness of the Nintendo 64 joystick. I give it some slack here because they hadn't yet perfected the feel of 3D games, but just try Breath of the Wild and then go back to this and you'll realize how far we've come. Not just controlling Link, but when you're on the menu screen it's a little awkward moving around. Plus the warp screen you think you can just push up to go up, but nothing works the way it should. For these screens, it would have been nice to have the option of using the D-Pad.

The Nerd: Aiming your weapons is never easy. I'm trying to hook shot onto the turtle's back. I've aimed for the shell, I've aimed for the tree, I've tried it from every angle I could think of, but it only works whenever it feels like it. There's many areas where you have to shoot ice arrows into the water to create glaciers to hop on but sometimes, it just doesn't work. There's no clear reason. Come on... come on! What the fuck? (Cut to still shots from the Majora's Mask 3DS version) I've heard in the 3DS version, the water sparkles to show you exactly where to shoot. I imagine the controls are a lot smoother on the 3DS too, and I think that's a great idea to re-release a game and fix up the flaws. But that doesn't erase the past, which is where I take you. So yeah, I would have probably had a better time with a 3DS version but for historical sake, I got it do the original.

The Nerd: Anyway, now try shooting arrows through a flame to light a torch a mile away, while standing on a spinning fucking platform! Here, I'm trying to climb on the red pipe. Anytime you have to walk on a narrow path, it turns into a balancing act. All I'm trying to do is keep the joystick straight, why is this so hard? Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! (The game pauses in as Link almost falls in the ledged-red pipe) Fuck! (Link almost walks in the ledged-red pipe, but fish-type bombs are out of the way) Fuck! Keep it steady, keep it steady! Oh my god! I'm stuck, I'm stuck! Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! (Link finally gets out of the ledged-red pipe) Whew. Made it.

The Nerd: This part you got to do the Goron role on the bridge, hit the ramp, and jump across. But each time I veer slightly to the side and fall down. And then you have to go all the way back and climb a ladder, just to get to the starting point again. Alright here we go. Oh-oh-oh... Fuck! It's like bowling a gutterball, you're so mad you want to try again immediately, but you gotta wait your turn. Go, go, go- Yeah! (The Goron Link jumps in the ramped bridge barely, but bounces off by a crate and falls into the red lava) UH-FUCK! I BOUNCED BACK!

The Nerd: How about jumping on invisible platforms, that are slippery with ice and getting knocked back by spiders! Yeah, that's real fun! There's a part where you have to enter a cave but it's blocked by a giant boulder. The goal is to blow it up using an explosive barrel that you get from a big Goron. As soon as he gives you the barrel, time starts ticking down. You have to hurry and carry it over the cave before it explodes. Right off the bat, they put all these ramps in front of you. You can't carry it while walking up the ramps so you have to repeatedly throw the barrel and pick it up again, and again, and again! Then you have to find the cave as fast as humanly possible. Like everything they give you just enough time for a perfect run. If you get a little bit lost along the way or you don't take the most direct path or bump into something or drop the barrel for one moment, you're done! Just give up!

The Nerd: I just want to get over the bridge! Get out of my way... AWWWWWWW!!! YOU FUCKING WOLF! Pick it up, pick it up... Get the barrel, get the barrel! (The barrel explodes by throwing it) DA--- FUCK! (The Nerd then makes an awful whimper) Here we go, here we go- I can see the cave! I can see the cave! Gonna make it, gonna make it, Ah! Uh-Pick it up! Pick it up! (The barrel explodes yet again) FUUUCCCKKK!!! (Giant sighs) Finally, I'm gonna do it! I just did a perfect run. Plenty of time left, but it's about to change from night to day. That's kind of distracting, but no worries right? Alright, put the barrel right in front of the boulder... We're set. It's there. It's there! Now all I got to do is sit back and wait for the explosion. All right... Dawn of Second Day... (Cut to the Dawn of Second Day as the barrel has just disappeared from the giant boulder) All right... Where's the barrel? Where... is... the fucking barrel? It didn't take the barrel?! Just because the day changed?! That's worse than Simon's Quest! Imagine if in Simon's Quest, every time it changes, it restarts whatever task you're working on. Fuck you! Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you! You know what... Fuck this game! Yeah, I said it. Uh- Did-did I want to rip apart Majora's Mask, no! But the game drew first blood, not me.

(Cut to a closeup of the Nerd Moon on the window, then he takes yet another shot glass of the next day (December 28th) from the December 2019 calendar.)

The Nerd: The Great Bay Temple is the stuff of which nightmares are born, the stuff of legendary video game trauma. All I gotta say is... the Whirlpool Room. Oh, fuck me! The Whirlpool Room. It's a huge underwater room which is like the main hub of the entire dungeon, full of tunnels that lead every which way. Not even the map can make sense because you're never sure which level you're on. This is before 3D maps were common like in Breath of the Wild. But besides being confusing, you can hardly control where you're going. The water pushes you all around forcing you to swim in circles. Even if you know which tunnel you're trying to go in, the current will pull you away. You have to get tricky and hug the walls certain way and just as you're about to pass by the tunnel, you quickly turn into it. But if you screw up and get sucked into the wrong tunnel, it could shit you out and some other part of the dungeon you don't want to be in. And next thing, you're retracing your steps to get back to where you were. But you can't waste all that time when time is not on your side, that moon is gonna crash. The first day, I'm feeling fine. Second day, I'm starting to worry a little. The third day, I'm playing like my life depends on it. If time runs out, everything I did might go to waste. Hours of blood, sweat and tears- Well, maybe not blood but... here I am, just doing my best.

(Hears the bell from the Clock Tower tolls, signifies that this is the last six minutes of the Dawn of the Final Day)

The Nerd: Ugh, that sound... the toll of the bullshit bell! I've done for! The thing is, I'm almost there. Push the switch, get on the water spout, go in the final door, and I've made it to the boss! But that timer doesn't care. (The game pauses, then the Nerd is about to think on) Give me a minute... (Sighs) Six minutes... six minutes... (He thinks on doing and sighs again) I don't think that's enough time. But it might be... Ahh, But I don't want to play the Ocarina now because I'm not sure exactly what that does. So, uh, these bosses, you can't be under a rush, you have to have patience so that you can watch the boss, learn their weak spot, find their patterns, but the way things are right now I don't think this is happening. And if it does, it's gonna be the last possible second. And then why I have to bail out use the Ocarina, but I get knocked into the water and I can't use the Ocarina or something, so I need to make a decision here.

(He sighs in once more, but he decided, and Link uses the Ocarina for Dawn of the First Day)

The Nerd: Please don't make me do the dungeon over... please? PLEASE?!

(The game then goes into the map menu, looking that all the dungeon keys on the map are gone. then the Nerd puts the controller away, pauses for a moment, and then... he EXTREMELY screams from his eyes and mouth nearly pop out of his head.)

The Nerd: F W A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A K ! ! ! ! !

(While screaming in anger, It started to shake and collapses some of the games all over in the Nerd room, then he throws all the Christmas decorations and the Majora's Mask over the couch, as the Nerd continues in EXTREME anger)

The Nerd: I have to do the entire dungeon all over again! I still have the compass and the map, Whoopity-fuckin'-do! But I have to get all the keys again, re-activate all the water valves, and it's basically like starting over! Oooooooo... I haven't felt this kind of rage in a long time! I can feel the diarrhea flowing through my veins! Oh, even with Jekyll and Hyde I don't have to play that shit for a solid week, picking up the controller and started this game is like a sentence! You're sentencing yourself to a punishment and everybody else loves it, well I thought I loved shit! Majora's Mask?!?! More like MAJOR ASS! Alright, let's beat... the FUCK... out of this game!

(The Nerd takes still yet another shot glass of the next day (December 29th) from the December 2019 calendar, as we play through a montage of Nerd trying to beat the Great Bay Temple from the Majora's Mask game, set into metal music from the Life of Black Tiger commercial)

The Nerd (V/O): It's that special kind of feeling, the kind where nothing else matters. When you're punching the couch and playing standing up, it's gotten real! You want to show that game what the FUCK you're made of!

(As we continue play a montage of the Nerd beating the game, we see himself playing the N64 controller, takes his Nerd glasses off when starting to sleep a bit, drinking another shot of glass after waking up on another day (December 30th), and he grows off a beard, frustrating. He drinks some more Rolling Rock and some coffee many times, then he shaves his beard off. He then started to sweat himself (pouring off Rolling Rock) with more frustration, while defeating two bosses, Wart, and a Gargantuan Masked Fish: Gyorg, in the Great Bay Temple.)

The Nerd: I did it! I beat the dungeon! Only one left. Alright... last dungeon... last dungeon... here we go!

(More montage from the Stone Tower Temple plays with some more metal music)

The Nerd: Yeah, take that, you fuck... (Boss was a Giant Masked Insect: Twinmold) Yeah! I did it! I beat the boss. (Twinmold explodes and falls off in a sandstorm, then Link gets the Twinmold's remains, but forgets to get the heart container) Pick up the boss remains... Oh, hang on, I gotta get the heart container too. Uh, I can still get that heart, right? (Sighs) Now, gonna watch the cutscene... Please let that heart still be there, please...

The Nerd: How do I get the heart now? (He gets up on going off the couch) So I looked it up. (On the computer) You can get the heart, still. Oh yeah, if you beat the boss again! (He laughs sarcastically) Oh, so you have to pick up the heart container before you pick up the boss remains. I know there's a specific order. Now you might think I'm the one who fucked up, but that shouldn't be possible! The boss remains were in front of the heart so naturally that's what I touched first! Geez! Have a heart!

(He takes one more shot glass of the final day (December 31st) from the December 2019 calendar.)

The Nerd: (Sighs) Am I done yet? Well, almost. There's a ton of quests left, mostly optional. I did one that had me running around delivering letters and waiting for people to show up in different places, all throughout the 3-day cycle. The final part you have to wait in a hotel room until there's only one minute and thirty seconds left on the timer. Needless to say, my nerves were skyrocketing again. But what happened here was perhaps one of the most solemn, doomy, and emotionally heart-wrenching scenes in the whole game, or any game. These people are all sitting around waiting for the world to end. What can you say about that? There are only characters in a game, but I can't help but wonder what could be going through their minds. You're forced to stand there and wait with them until that counter goes down while the music just swells over you. Then the person you're waiting for enters the room and two long-lost lovers reunite and get married, with Link, as the witness. And with that resolved, they tell Link to take refuge as they both wait there, ready to die, together at last. wow. Goosebumps, man. I got 'em. All the R.L. Stine books.

The Nerd: Then you encounter Skull Kid, play a melody, and summon four giants that come marching to hold the moon it's like Atlas of Greek mythology holding up the heavens. And with that music playing over it, it's a truly epic scene. Then you ascend up into the moon which doesn't look like a moon at all, instead it's a grassy field with a tree and a bunch of kids running around with masks. There's something really eerie about this it's like a scene out of The Wicker Man... I mean the original, not the Nick Cage one! So there's still a lot to do here but at this point, I'm taking the quickest possible route. I talked to the kid who's wearing Majora's Mask. He warns me I only have weak masks. And I'm aware, I haven't fully powered my sword or gotten the fierce ditty mask, or any of the things that are supposed to make the game a hell of a lot easier. Not to mention, that heart they didn't let me get, but you know what? I'm going forward anyway, 'cause fuck it!

The Nerd: The final battle begins, Majora's Mask floats all around shooting lasers and spinning like a buzzsaw, I defend with my shield, carefully time my sword hits, and deflect the lasers back. It's a long process, but i beat them. Now what? The second form, Majora takes on a humanoid shape, dancing around like an idiot... the fuck? (The second form of Majora dances around) Okay. This time I play more offensive, going in close, and slashing away until he's done. (Majora screams) OHHHHHHHHHHH SHIT! This is where it starts, doesn't it? His third form doesn't mess around! He has these long whips that have such a great range even if you stand on the far opposite side of the room, you can still get hit. And once he hits you, he doesn't stop! Oh, come on! Let me get up! Come on! You-you fuckin' piece of dog dick!

The Nerd: I carefully aim my light arrows to stun him then run across the room and I just barely have enough time to get some sword swipes in, rinse and repeat. And just a reminder... I do not have the recommended sword, all the masks or all the heart containers. So, if all along you've been saying I suck at this game, well then suck on this shit! (Majora screams again to death) I beat 'em! It's finally over! In true Zelda fashion, you get a big ending scene where all the characters you've met come together with peace and harmony.

(Cut to Times Sqaure as crowds cheering to celebrate the New Year, as the Nerd looks in and gets up off the couch. Then the Nerd Moon looks over, which resembles as the ball drop. He comments on through his final thoughts of the game, set in a background of Times Square, with billboards on games reviewed.)

The Nerd: Is the world really going to end? Just because I have a distaste for Majora's Mask? I do like certain things about it. I like it's style and mood. There's something profound and fascinating about the world of Termina, the interesting characters it's populated with, and there are multiple storylines and personal tribulations. Does it all exist as a dream within Hyrule? Is Hyrule terminus heaven? Some even believe Link is supposed to be dead. There's so many different ways to interpret it like religions of the world this game is truly a work of art. I love the concept, I love the lore, I love the creepy visuals that provoke an innocent childhood sense of worry, I love the rich storylines and all the above. But the part I don't like very much is the game part and that's the part that seems to get discussed the least. I mean it's not a movie, it's not a comic book, it's a game. One that has grated at my nerves not just while playing it but also during the intervals in between when I was not playing and feeling extreme anxiety, feverishly anticipating when I will get my hands on it next to conquer this thing and get it off my daily chores.

The Nerd: You saw all the trouble I had with it that's not my idea fun and I don't want it in my life. Call it a love-hate thing. So... Nerd, signing out.

(Shows as The Nerd Moon begins to counts down as past clips of AVGN episodes play for the final ten seconds, then after counting down, explosions heard, and the Nerd Moon changes from orange to a light blue moon, celebrating the start of the New Year.)

The Nerd: We're still here... the world didn't end. (He walks back from the all formentioned masks, as he is about to unmask them completely) Alright, time for the unmasking.

(He takes off the Ninja Turtles' Solicitor Mask into the Raid 2020 cartridge)

The Nerd: No... (Then he takes off the Action 52's Overzealous Coward mask into another Raid 2020 cartirdge) No! (And finally, he takes off the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde's Heartless Punisher mask into a third Raid 2020 cartridge) Noooo... nooo!

(The Nerd began to cower in fear, wanting to review Raid 2020, as Mr. Lobo narrates the closing sequence of the Twilight Zone parody)

Mr. Lobo: Mr. Nerd, forever stuck in the world that exists in his mind. A world he cannot end; perpetually surrounding himself with games he hates yet cannot stop playing. Tonight's tale of the macabre, masochists and Majora's Mask, on the Angry Video Game Nerd.

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