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Amiga CD32 title card

Title card for episode


Amiga CD32 - Angry Video Game Nerd (Episode 162)

(Opening scene: The Amiga CD32 start-up screen plays. The AVGN logo appears out of the middle of the spinning CD and covers the word, "Amiga", at the top left of the screen. A picture of the Nerd appears out of the bottom right of the screen, with big eyes and a frowning mouth, holding an Amiga CD32 controller. A picture of the Amiga CD32 appears in the bottom left of the screen, with the word, "Shit", written on it.)

Nerd: Commodore, once the most popular name in the home computer industry. Throughout the '80s, it held its own against industry giants and etched its place in video game history, with the VIC-20, Commodore 64, and Amiga line of computers. Though, sadly, as time went on, it went from competing with the likes of Apple and IBM... to just becoming... BM. After the video game crash of the '80s, companies emerged, like Nintendo and Sega, to pick up the pieces and resurrect the dying industry. Commodore would try to hang in there, but it ended up crumbling like week-old cat barf on a carpet.

So, what went wrong? How could a company that once ruled the home computer industry be reduced to a small footnote in video game history? You wanna know the answer? (The Nerd holds up Amiga CD32 and shows it to camera.)

Amiga CD32[]

Nerd: The Amiga CD32. Yeah. This thing was the straw that broke the camel's back, the shit-caked baby wipe that ruptured the septic tank. After declining sales in the late '80s and early '90s, Commodore decided to take a stab at console production. The CD32 was released in Europe and Canada in September of '93 and slated to release in the US, early the next year. But, guess what? It never happened. Commodore wasn't allowed to release it in the US, until they paid 10 million dollars in back-owed patent royalties. On top of that, the system was discontinued only eight months after being released, bankrupting the company. This console is such a joke that it ruined one of the biggest computer companies of all time in less than a year!

Even if it did come out in the US, the original retail price for this monstrosity was 400 dollars, and that's in '93! Nowadays, with inflation, ballpark estimate, that equals almost 700 dollars! You could buy two PlayStation 4s for that price! What were they thinking?! Who in their right mind would buy this, when you could get a Super Nintendo or Sega Genesis for less than half the price? (Picture of SNES shown on left with $199 beneath it, and picture of Sega Genesis shown on right with $189 beneath it)

(Cut to the Nerd holding stack of CD32 games) And, because I'm the Nerd, I'm gonna have to check out a stack of these games. (Nerd holds game called Kang-Fu towards camera, with a kangaroo head wearing sunglasses on the cover. Nerd frowns at it and chuckles.) Wha-? Look at this! You can't make this stuff up! But, somebody did. Ugh, and after this, you gotta wash your hands, because you can get pink eye from touchin' all this fecal matter. (Nerd makes angry face at camera.)

(Nerd tries to put Amiga CD32 on top of Nintendo 64, but then takes the N64 and controller off the table they were on. Cut to Nerd struggling to untangle a bunch of wires.) Ugh, Jesus Christ... (Cut to Nerd holding a British plug for the system and adapter) Ugh... and then you gotta... adapt it- ugh, it's gonna a-adapt my swears... (Makes British curses) Fuckin' bloody...cunt. (Cut to Nerd plugging RCA cables into the back of the system.) Bollocks, wank...WANK! ARSE! (Nerd places CD32 on top of table. Cut to Nerd struggling to plug cord into the power bar, which already has a lot of labelled cords plugged in.) Bollocks! (Nerd unplugs cord labelled "GEN" and plugs CD32 cord in its place.) CUNT! (Nerd tries to look for controller port on front of console, and finds that it is on the side.) FUCK! (Cut to Nerd holding controller.) (stammering) Wh-what is this... wait, the words are upside-down. Oh, wait, n-no, no, the CONTROLLER's upside down (Nerd flips it around, so he is holding it right-side-up)

(Nerd holds CD32 controller with baffled look on his face, then shrugs and puts the controller down.) Alright, well, let's try Dangerous Streets! (Close-up of game cover with girl in thong to the right.) Now, that is ass! (Nerd puts Dangerous Streets disc into the CD32. Nerd picks up the CD32, looking for the Power button) Where's the fuckin' Power button? Oh, it's on the back?! Come on... (Nerd turns on the console)

(Amiga CD32 startup screen plays. Nerd presses a button several times, but nothing happens.) What the fuck? It won't start. It won't start! Start! Start!!! How do you start? Oh, that's perfect. I have to hold the disc hatch down just to get the game to spin. What, did I really expect this thing to work? I don't even want to play this piece of fuck to begin with, let alone one-handed, holding the thing down to get it to function. (Nerd gets old paint can and puts it on top of console to hold down disc hatch) There we go, the brand-new CD32 add-on, a paint can! It's like the hillbilly cousin of the 32X!

Dangerous Streets[]

(Cut to gameplay footage of Dangerous Streets)

Nerd: So, here we go, the first game on the garbage pile, Dangerous Streets! Press the Fire button. Okay, which button is that? (close-up of buttons on controller, none of which says Fire) Is it the 3-1-2 button? Or, the curly arrow button? Or, the arrow pointing at the line button? Or, the square button? Have they ever seen the fuckin' alphabet?! They could've just called it A, B, C, D! I'll just call it green, yellow, red, blue. So, if you guessed the Fire button was the down arrow pointing at the line button, you win a prize! And, that prize is footage of the shittiest fighting game ever made!

Right off the bat, this is possibly the worst group of fighting game characters I've ever seen. Lookin' back at Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat, each game had a group of memorable characters, like: Ryu, Guile, Scorpion, Liu Kang! This game has Futuristic Tommy Wiseau, Asscheek Lady, Spring Shoe Guy, Fat Guy with His Pants Undone, and a Native American guy TAKIN' A SHIT! And, there's this guy who was "born in Pennsylvania"... which just confuses the shit outta me.

This game is a complete mess. The buttons seem to do random things. The green and yellow buttons are standing punch and ducking punch. The blue one sometimes makes you kick, jump, or...glow. I don't know what the hell's going on. What blows my mind is that the game came out in '94. By the time it was out, we already had Super Street Fighter II Turbo and Mortal Kombat II! I mean, for fuck's sake, that's the same year Killer Instinct came out! How in the sweet name of merciful shit could they fuck up a fighting game this bad, by then? This is already one of the worst games I've ever played in my entire life, and it's the first thing I popped in on the system! I dunno what to do. I just mash buttons. But, the sad thing: the in-game character looks just as confused as I, and not to mention, I keep winning! Also, this game is running on what is essentially an early PC made into a gaming console. It even says "32-bits" on the top of it! But, it looks worse than most 16-bit games! Could you imagine spending 400 of your hard-earned dollars, plus another 20 or so for this game?!

So, I'm up to the guy "from Pennsylvania", and he's the cheapest piece of shit ever! Apparently, there are special moves in this game. But, good luck figuring them out! It takes a button combination just to kick! Oh, and when you lose, it's back to the beginning! No continues. I just don't get it! Do people actually set out to make a game this bad? Did someone consciously decide they wanted to take everything that had been done right in video games, and empty their colonic contents all over it? The only thing I like about this game is the horrible voice samples they use for the versus screen! They're hilarious!

Sgiosa Capeli: "Sgiosa Capeli!"

Announcer: "Versus..."

Keo: "Keo!"

Pinen: "Pinen!"

Tony: "Tony!"

Luisa: "Luisa!"

Macalosh: "Macalosh!"

Ombra: "Ombra!"

Lola: "Lola!"

(Arguably, Nerd unintentionally forgot to add Lola)

Super Putty[]

Nerd: Alright, on to the next game! (closeup of Super Putty game case) Here we go, Super Putty! (cut to title screen) Or... "Look out Its.....Putty"? If you don't press Start, the game sends you to an unskippable demo mode! Seriously, if you try to hit the Start button, it just pauses the demo! WHY?! (cut to Nerd) I hit the Start button, because I wanted to start the game, not pause the demo! (cut back to gameplay footage) Why would you ever wanna pause a demo?! If you waited this long, your punishment is you have to watch this demo! It's actually faster to reset the game. (cut to Game Over screen with a golden cat saying, "TOO BAD!" in the center of a Looney Toons styled circle, complete with Shave And A Haircut playing in the background)

(Cut back to gameplay footage) And, the game itself is a drugged-up fever dream! You play as a blue ball who walks around hitting mushrooms with its punching glove boner. And, look up there! "Pliability"? Of course, you know, like, health, stamina, energy, "pliability"? So, when you punch these things, for some reason, they turn into babies, and then, you eat the babies! You eat the babies?! Or, absorb them, or whatever the hell he's doin'. But, if you don't, the babies explode! This game is fucked up! The sound in this game is atrocious. The sound of the babies crying, the sound when you get hurt, the jumping sound, the constant boing-ing! I'm goin' fucking MAD, I tell you! (A baby explodes. Cut to footage of the golden cat in level bursting through the screen and saying, "Too bad! Just missed it!" and then laughing; cut to Nerd with shocked expression) Okaaay, well, enough of this!


(Cut to title screen of Morph) Next up, we got Morph! It starts off with this horrifying cutscene! This weird kid shows up at this creepy, old man's house, and it looks kinda like Doc and Marty, if they were crossbred with the Minions. So, the kid stands up on a teleporter, so they're doin' the fly thing, and the whole thing blows up, turning you into a ball that can shapeshift! ...yeah, so, the game's basically a puzzle platformer, where you can transform into different kinds of balls that each have a different ability. Ya have to find a specific item in each level, and complete it without using too many transformations. So, it's kinda a neat idea, maybe if it wasn't on the CD32...

Naughty Ones[]

(Cut to title screen of Naughty Ones)

Nerd: Next, we got Naughty Ones. It starts with this cutesy cutscene set to the creepiest possible music... (Clip of intro music plays) Then, at the menu, it has this upbeat reggae tune. (Menu music plays) The game's pretty much a basic action platformer. Just find the key in each level, and then, head to the door. It's not too bad. It kinda has a Bubble Bobble feel to it, with the graphics and the gameplay. However, one annoying thing is it uses Up as the jump button. Actually, of all the games I've talked about so far, only one game didn't use Up as the jump button, and it was the fighting game, the only one where Jump should've been Up! So, anyway, this one's okay, and gets a pass.


Nerd: On to the next piece of technological torture, Beavers! (Cut to title screen of Beavers) They're a hip band o' beavers! "BeaverMania hits the UK!" But that pisses off the rabbits! (Cut back to Nerd) So, here we go, here's another cute cutscene! A beaver comes home to his family. (Cut back to gameplay) He puts his lunchbox, or whatever it is, on the floor... picks it up... he puts it down again, and... (Rabbit bursts in the door of the beavers' house) ...oh, this mean rabbit comes in and...ooohh... shit! (Rabbit is seen cocking a machine gun pointed at one of the beavers; cut back to Nerd) I'm not seein' this, man! (Cut back to gameplay, where it says Smak!! in big letters on the screen. Nerd takes off his glasses) No...! That didn't happen! (Rabbit is shown dragging beaver out of house) The fuck, dude?! O-oh, shit! OH! Boy, is that jarring! It's like these games can't figure out if they wanna be cartoony and cute, or fucking horrifying! O-oh, what the hell?! Oh, and look how fast the game starts! If you don't keep up, you die. The edge of the screen kills you. Shit flies at you from any which way, and pretty much anything you can touch can hurt you. You're supposedly able to do a spin attack, but it doesn't work at all. I can't even beat the first level! And if I didn't already make it clear, the purpose of the game is to rescue your wife. But, I don't think this beaver is gettin' his wife back, because I can't put myself through any more of this torture.

(Cut to Nerd holding controller) Well, that's it. If you were expecting me to make some kind of beaver joke, no. 'Cause, this is high-class Internet content. Now, enough of this poop-fuck-shit-diarrhea-cunt-fuck!(Nerd puts paint can back on top of the CD32.)


(Cuts to gameplay footage)

Nerd: Well, now that I got that outta my system, now, it's time to move on to the real meat of the CD32. Any fan of first-person shooters knows about the Big Fucking Game of them all: Doom! But have you ever played Gloom? Not at all like Doom! (Cut to Nerd holding Gloom case) No, this is a totally different thing! This is Gloom!

(Cut back to gameplay) When the game starts, it plays this weird, happy-ass music. Naughty Ones has scary-ass music, but Gloom has happy-ass music, and it plays before every single level!

Also, is he gonna... kill those guys, or are they his squad mates? They look like they're on the same team. Why not make them a different color, if they're an enemy?

So, you play as this space-marine-type guy, and kill other space marine guys. It looks horrible, and it's like the main character is severely near-sighted. You collect bouncing balls for guns, and baby bottles for health! What is this, like a spoof?! Like PO'ed? Yeah, the game where you're shooting butts! But, that was done on purpose, as a parody! This one, it's just a fuckin' watered-down piece of shit Doom knockoff!

This game's nice and gory, though. Every time you shoot someone, they explode into a million pieces. Sadly, it's repetitive as all hell, and every level looks the same. In the first one, you just run to the other side of the room, and it's over! Imagine completing a whole level of Doom, in ten seconds! Oh, but in the second level, you have to hit a switch, before you run to the door! Ooh, now it's givin' Doom a run for its money!

When you pause, you can change some of the graphics options. This makes the game run smoother, but it looks even more blurry.

Also, you can get rid of the ceiling and floor. I guess that's supposed to make the graphics look better...? But it still looks like I ate broken glass and shit it into my eyeballs.

And, I must emphasize this was a PC company. This game is giving me a headache to look at, and I think my vision has gotten worse, because of it. I'd sue for damages, but I'm pretty sure this company's gone out of business, long ago.

The only thing left worth noting is the violence option. You have "Meaty" or "Messy". With "Meaty", they explode and disappear. With "Messy", the chunks stay on the ground. Also, it slows the game down after you kill too many people. So, yeah, Gloom is a cheap knockoff that doesn't even do a good job at being a knockoff. On to the next one.

Diggers and Oscar[]

(Cut to Nerd holding open game case of Diggers and Oscar)

Nerd: Ugh, this one's a double disc. Whoa. So much value. I should've just lit that money on fire and pissed on it. (Cut to gameplay) Okay, so we'll start with Diggers. Ugh, it's like Lemmings or somethin', I think. You go to this guy, click some things, then make your guy dig. It'd be more fun to actually go outside and dig a hole than play this. Fuck it, on to Oscar. Oh, God, no... Flair, the same company that made Dangerous Streets. Oooohhh! Now, that's a horrible character. Seems like everybody was tryna to be the CD32's mascot. But, being the mascot of the CD32 is like being the mascot for a Porta Potty company. Actually, I take that back. It would be better to be a Porta Potty mascot than to be featured on this cockamamie console! Okay, let's start. "Take 69"? Really? This is the first level. They could've put Take 1, but no, they chose 69... on purpose! Oh, for the love of fuck, Up is Jump again! I'm convinced they're playing a joke! So, here it is, Oscar the ...something. He's not quite Sonic, he's not quite Bubsy, he's just...Oscar. The game controls worse than it looks. And, I keep running into shit, because the background's such a hodgepodge of vomit-inducing mishmash! The enemies are practically invisible, and I can't even get a minute into the first level before getting a Game Over. The levels are all based on movie genres, like in Gex or Spot Goes to Hollywood. The first room is sci-fi themed. You fight robots and what looks like the dog, Xenomorph from Alien 3. This one's horror themed; there's dogs, chainsaws, and spooky ghosts. I can't make much progress here. On top of the shitty controls, Oscar runs like he's on ice. This game isn't the worst I played so far, but that's not a compliment. It's like comparing solid shit logs to a diarrhea puddle. They both smell awful, they're both disgusting, but I guess I'd rather pick up a turd log and toss it out than have to sop up diarrhea with a paper towel. Next.

Bubba N Stix[]

(Cut to title screen of Bubba n Stix)

Nerd: Bubba N Stix! A game by Core Design. Let's find out what's worse, this or Angel of Darkness. Stix kinda looks like Bizarro Shit Pickle. The artwork looks pretty cool, and the music is alright, so maybe, this will actually be a hidden gem. (cut to Nerd) Oh, pleeease, let it be good! (cut back to gameplay) Oh, my God! Oh, my God! IT'S ACTUALLY GOOD! Pretty good. The gameplay is kinda like a puzzle platformer, where you have to use Stix to get past obstacles, like using him to pry this rock up, or sticking him into the wall to use as a platform. This part right here is pretty funny. You have to get close to these weird guys without interrupting their conversation, and then throw Stix, the character, at them. The graphics are really nice, too. It's cartoony and colorful, but not like the rainbow vomit from Oscar. This is actually a good game. At least, until I get to the second level and I can't figure out what to do. And, I don't have the time to figure it out, so...oh, well, I guess we gotta move on. But, I can give this one the Nerd stamp of not shit!

Surf Ninjas[]

(Cut back to Nerd) Nerd:  But, now, we're gettin' down to the shitty gritty! We have Surf Ninjas. Motosurf!

(Cut to scene from Surf Ninjas) Rob Schneider: "Motosurf!"

(Cut to Surf Ninjas gameplay footage)

Nerd: That's right; they made a Surf Ninjas tie-in for this thing. Nice word art title screen. Is this a game or a 4th grade book report? Oh, and it's by Flair, again. I'm guessin' they were the LJN of the CD32. Well, now, I know it's gonna suck. The first thing you have to do is choose whether you wanna hear "Sound Effects" or "Music". Uh... can I have both? The game barely resembles anything from the movie, and when my complaint is that the game is not like Surf Ninjas, then you know we're really in bad shape! Who are you supposed to be? This isn't even a character from the movie! Is it supposed to be Ernie Reyes Jr.? Or, maybe it's Rob Schneider. It's not confirmed, but it's probably true that this was actually another game before they turned it into Surf Ninjas. Because, that's what you wanna do. If you have a shitty game, might as well make it Surf Ninjas. They probably just had some generic beat-em-up on a hard drive, and slapped the Surf Ninjas name on it, last minute. Kinda like Doki Doki Panic, but it's Dookie Dookie Panic! Oh, that's another real shitty shit joke, but not as shitty as a shitty movie-based game based on a shitty movie, Surf Ninjas! Yeah, I know I talk about shit a lot, but I'm staring at shit! If you were looking at shit, would you be talking about butterflies or somethin'? No, I'm looking at shit, we're talkin' shit!

Okay, so I gotta calm myself down a little bit. The gameplay is monotonous. I walk around, fighting ninjas who kick my ass most of the time. Oh, and in most games, you die when the health bar goes down, right? Well, in this game, you die - whenever the game decides you're dead! Look at this! I have life left, but I'm fucking dead! Most of the time, your attacks don't even register, and when they do, it takes forever, and a day, to kill the ninjas. Look at this! What is goin' on here? Uh, wait, what? (closeup of main character ripping enemy's heart out) Did I just rip his heart out? (cut back to Nerd) That doesn't happen in the movie! Does it? I gotta find out. I'm gonna make a quick call here. (Nerd pulls out old cellphone and calls James at Cinemassacre Rentals)

James: (answers phone) "This is Cinemassacre Video, where selection is the name of the game. This is James speaking. How may I help you?"

Nerd: "Yeah, okay, I just wanna ask you a quick question."

James: "Sure thing! Go right ahead."

Nerd: "Have you ever watched the movie, Surf Ninjas?

James: "Yeah... In fact, I just had a chat with a bunch of friends all about that. (cuts to picture of screenshots of Surf Ninjas and Street Fighter movies) Did you know that the costume designer was the same in Street Fighter: The Movie? (cuts back to James) That would explain all the blue camouflage--"

Nerd: "Okay, okay, look, look, look, look! I just wanna ask a fucking question! In the movie, Surf Ninjas, does anybody rip someone's heart out?! Kano style!"

James: "Um... no, I don't think that happened in the movie."

Nerd: (hangs up abruptly) "See, I knew it!"

James: "Hello? Hello? (hangs up phone) Wow! what an asshole!"

Nerd: So, back to this shit. Oh, and guess what, what button do you think the Jump button is? Take a guess. "Up". again, but this time, they took it a step further: Jump HURTS you! Yes, I am not kidding! When you jump, you get DAMAGED! What moron decided it was a good idea to make jumping hurt you in a ninja game?! So, the whole point is to find items and bring them to the right places. Like here, you need to bring wax to the surfer, who gives you change to give to the hobo, so you can get into his alley. The last guy in my way is this dude with a truck, who keeps asking you to bring him boxes. Oh, c'mon, man! There's a box right near you! Are you so fucking lazy you can't just walk over and get the box?! Oh, and that's only one of them, because there are several scattered all over the place, and you have to find them all. So after searching hours for the last one, I found that you need to get a key, and then, go down to the hobo alley and use it to open this door. But how was I supposed to know that? This level is filled with doors that you can't go in, so when I first passed it, I thought it was just part of the scenery. I had to replay this level eight times, checking every Goddamn door in town, before I found it. And, there it is, the last box. Wait... what? Is that a pixelated naked lady? (cut back to Nerd) Okay, that made it worth it. Next game.

Kang Fu[]

(Cut to shot of Nerd holding Kang Fu case)

Nerd: Okay, now we have - (breaks out in laughter) Kang Fu! Okaaay, first off, we need to talk about this cover art. It's like a shitty colored pencil sketch art of a kangaroo with sunglasses. And, they must've been pretty proud of it, because it's the title screen, too. (cut to title screen; cut back to cover) And, not to mention, at the bottom of the cover, they single out the letters G, R E, E, D. So, the company that made this game is called "Greed". On the back, it says this game shows the full possibilities of the CD32. Oh, boy, I can't wait!

(Cut to title screen) Okay...?

(Cut back to Nerd) Is it gonna start?

(Cut back to black screen and then eventually, gameplay starts) It takes forever to start up. I thought it was broken, because it stays on a black screen for almost two minutes! But that's just how the game is.

(laughs when the game transitions to a spinning ball bouncing across a screen of kangaroos) Wow! O-o-h gosh, you could say this is random. You got a spinning ball, scrolling pictures of kangaroos that keep glitching out, and then another black screen, and then a picture of a kangaroo, then another black screen, then the high scores, then ANOTHER black screen, and then another kangaroo picture. AND THEN ANOTHER BLACK SCREEN! I'm not kidding! This is the actual game! Oh, and it's really showin' off all the possibilities of the CD32. For real! It's showing exactly how shitty a game can be for this console.

After eight and a half minutes, no exaggeration, I finally get to the start screen and... uh, what? "Out of memory"?

(Cut back to Nerd) What does "Out of memory" mean? Lemme check the instructions.

(Nerd takes out manual; cut to picture of page of manual; Nerd reads the text highlighted at the top of the screen) "Open door, turn on CD32. Insert CD but wait with closing door till the music has played. Close door and game will boot automatically. Otherwise, it will not boot due to a BUG in the CD32, which will not free the memory as it should!"

(Cut to Nerd looking at manual with shocked expression on face and then looking at camera) This is historical. Never... not once... have I ever had a game where the instructions tells you, "By the way, this game is REALLY fucked up! So, you're gonna have to jump through all kind of crazy hoops to get it to work!" So now, I gotta move my paint can, open the door "till" the music has played, close the door, and pop on the paint can. This is not normal, but believe it or not, it actually works now.

And, after all that, all the loading screens and everything, it turns out to be... the worst game of the entire stack. It is... Un. Godly. There is no style, whatsoever. It is a complete mishmash... of garbage! Every character looks like they came from a different shitty game! You fight weird cartoon chickens, dragon guys with axes, umbrellas, giant wasps, Slinkies, and bouncing balls, all on a realistic, digitized backdrop. Like, th-this is too much to take in, so I'm just gonna give you a minute just to breathe. (takes deep breath) Okay, you ready for me to continue? I have no idea what to do here. I just jump around, shooting a FUCKING MACHINE GUN?! (cut to Nerd with shocked expression) Why is it called Kang Fu, if he's not doin' kung-fu? H-he's got a machine gun! (cut back to gameplay) Oh, gosh. Oh, I'd rather be playin' Shaq Fu. I'd rather play U2Fu and Robin Williams Fu.

I thought I knew what bad games were. I thought I was prepared... but I was wrong. (cut to Game Over screen with dead kangaroo carcass in background; cut to Nerd)

Oh, my God. (laughs) That Game Over screen... that is... I-I... I thought I'd seen everything! But, th-they, they use a real ph-photo... yo-you go from a cartoony kangaroo to a real picture of a kangaroo skeleton in the FUCKING DESERT!

There is nothing you could ever tell me, no proof you could present that could ever prove in my mind, that the developers were not psychopaths, huffing the gallon of paint sitting on my CD32 right now. This was given a retail release. People were able to buy this at a store! The fact that I bought it now is one thing, but what if you bought this when it was new? What if it was your only game? Did anyone actually grow up with this game? Imagine the psychological effects!


(Cut to Zool gameplay)

Nerd: One more game, Zool. Well, it's pretty much the same as the Atari Jaguar Zool II which I already covered before. It's a basic platformer action game. It's so average, it doesn't even matter. I don't have much else to say about it. So, let's just pretend I said nothing. In fact, let's just forget all about the CD32. (cut to Nerd) Which is one of the worst consoles I've ever played. It's the equivalent of hyena diarrhea, and you know what hyenas eat? The leftover scraps of dead animals that predators didn't want. So, imagine a hyena's... decaying intestinal tract spraying liquefied death sauce out its shit chute, and there you have... the Amiga CD32! Fuck this thing, watch it go!

(Nerd walks outside, throws CD32 in a dumpster, walks back inside, and sits on couch.) Alright. Oh, that's right. (holds up Zool game case) I should've tossed this shit, too. (looks at back of case) Huh? (cut to back of case; Nerd reads text at top left corner of case) "Warning: Do not play Track 1 of this game CD on any audio CD player." (cut to Nerd) Huh? Why not? I have to find out... (takes Zool game out and slowly puts it in his Sony boombox; right when Nerd presses Play button, TO BE CONTINUED... screen is shown)