Angry Video Game Nerd Wiki

The Nerd: So, Pat, ya still doin' these NES marathons? Why suffer through all these crappy games? You know what? You say it's for the kids, but I think you somehow enjoy these turds. Yeah! 'Cause you're a turd burgular. You burgle turds. Like this one, Sky Kid. You think this is fun? Oh, and this guy Ian, he loves it. Yeah, you love this game? You love it? You love this game?! Yeah! Let's see. Let's see what all the fuss is, 'cause fuss is exactly what it's going to be. The pilot's head is as big as the plane. Well, that's a good omen when they can't even get simple size proportions right.

(The game begins, but the Red Baron spawns right in front of the tree and crashes into it.)

The Nerd: What the hell? Thanks for the warning! Talk about cheap. Look at these graphics! They're so cute and cartoony, and the music is something that even a baby would find annoying! You fly like you're traveling through poop, or even worse, shit! How am I supposed to get past all these enemies? You have a silly looping dodge that half the time will have you flying into another enemy and get hit anyway, and your machine gun disappears after 20 feet, forcing you to get close to even hit anything.

The Baron might as well lean out of his plane and take a piss on everyone instead. This is supposed to be a war game, right? You're shooting planes and tanks killing dozens of people, but everything looks innocent! Even the explosions in the game are happy! The guy in the truck died a horrible burning death, but at least we can smile about it!

(The Red Baron drops a bomb on the battleship.)

The Nerd: Yeah, I just killed a thousand people on that battleship. Let's celebrate with a cupcake! Yeah! This is World War, Dr. Seuss style. What psychopath designed this game? It feels like a Rugrats cartoon, but it's more violent than Contra! It's such a weird contrast! (passes by a Pac-Man billboard) That's what I need, a reminder of a much better game I should be playing instead of this awful bowel movement. I have to land now, too? Oh gee. We all know where this is going.

(The Red Baron tries to land the plane, but he crashes instead.)

The Nerd: Well, at least this game's not as bad as Top Gun. You know what, Pat? I need to stop listening to you and just realize that you have horrible taste in games. (puts down NES controller) Well anyway, good luck with the rest of the charity event, (picks up Sky Kid cartridge) but as far as your game suggestions go, just fuck off! (he places the cartridge on his middle finger and flips it off)