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The Nerd: Hey, Pat! I guess you have another, uh, shitty game for me, huh? Alright. Well, I'm gonna play it, but I'm only doin' it for charity. Not doin' it for your punk ass. So, what do you got here? Bubble Bobble! That's actually a really good game. (cries) A really... I used to play this as a kid. All the time. I couldn't stop once I started.They had to take me away. Bubble Bobble. Bubble Bobble. Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh... I gotta play it.

(The Nerd inserts the game cartridge into the Nintoaster and turns it on.)

The Nerd: Here it comes, here it comes. Bubble Bobble. Oh no, the madness is ready to start. "Good luck." The game tells you, "Good luck," to keep your sanity. The object of the game is very simple. You just blow bubbles at all the bad guys, you pop the bubbles, you get the martini, and once you kill all the guys on the screen— let me get this guy. Here he goes! Ungh, yeah!— then the cucumbers come down and you get all the fruit... and vegetables and whatever the fuck comes down, and then you go to the next screen. And that's it! You keep on going! And that music. That music. Never. Stops. It's the same. Tune. Playing through the entire. Game! 99 levels! And more, I think there's more.

(The Nerd smiles and tilts his head to the game music.)

The Nerd: Yeah, after 99, the levels go to letters or somethin', I don't know, but we're not going that far anyway. I'm just showing you what the game looks like. Ooh, ooh, Get the WicDonald's fries. Oh look, it's a crown or a cake, I don't even know!Look! Ghosts! They're ghosts! Pop the bubbles! Look! I love how you just run into the bubbles right after you blow 'em! Look at that! Whoa! Annd I'm flying all over the place! Holy shit! Flying purple whales, flying purple whales! Whoa! Oh my God, it's a face! There's a face staring at me. Am I going insane, or is there a face staring at me? Oh look, this is the Valentine's stage. Oh look, ice cream! Gotta get all the whales, get all the whales. Oh my God, it's a face. It's another face staring at me with a mustache.

Is the game deliberately trying to freak me out? There's, like, a key in the middle with two smiley faces! You know what the best and worst thing about this game is? Is that every time you die, it lets you continue right where you left off! So there's no need to ever turn the game off! (starts crying) There's no need! You just, you just keep on playing, that's it! You just keep on playing... and you never stop.

Popcorn. Really? Popco- Why does it say popcorn? There's no popcorn in the game, I don't think! Is it... is it like, tryin' to... make you want to have popcorn? And what are you trying to spell? Extend? Why? What does that do? Oh! It's raining ghosts! It's raining ghosts! what am I gonna do? Jump? What does it mean, jump? Okay, I guess I'll jump! What's that gonna do? A question mark. Exactly! That's exactly how I feel about this whole game. SOS Exactly! Help! I need help! Oh look, cookies! They're all like, uh, cookie crumbs. Yeah, the Nintendo's glitchin' up.

Ouch? Ouch?! what does it mean? Okay. How the hell am I supposed to get up there? I'm just gonna blow these bubbles and try to bounce my way up. Oh shit! You know up until now, this game was fairly easy, but as soon as you get the level 57, it throws you a curveball. The game went from easy to impossible, just like that. I've tried blowing bubbles on the sides, I've tried blowing them in the middle, there's really no way to get up there. It is inconceivable. The game started to suck ass! That's my cue to turn it off!

(The Nerd turns off the Nintoaster and takes a deep breath.)

The Nerd: Alright, Pat... Well... (chuckles) Uh... good luck with the charity. Hope everything... goes well... Hope ya... enjoy playin' all those games...

(He sings the Bubble Bobble theme in an escalatingly insane manner before running away.)

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