Wizard of Oz 3 Dorothy Goes to Hell
(Text appears at the start of the video on a black background reading:
WARNING:
THIS VIDEO CONTAINS
SUPER FOUL LANGUAGE
AND ABSURD CONTENT!
IF YOU ARE EASILY
OFFENDED,
DO NOT WATCH THIS!
The Cinemassacre logo slowly fades in with the accompaniment of the familiar THX "Deep Note". Then, an upper body shot of a person somewhat resembling Inspector Gadget (except with a mint green hat/trenchcoat and a toothbrush moustache) inside an oval picture frame with James Rolfe's eyes and mouth superimposed over the person's own eyes and mouth is shown.
Inspector Ratchet: Hello, I am Inspector Ratchet, and I am glad to present the new film from the Cinemassacre, "Wizard of Oz 3". It's kind of like Wizard of Oz 1 and 2 (Return to Oz), but this one is three. There's plenty of action and I think you'll think you'll like it a lot... Yeah. *beat* So... how has the weather been where you are? It's been pretty muddy over here lately. *beat* So, umm... has anybody seen the new Batman movie, "Batman 5: Return of the Shredder"? I wonder if it will be good. Hmm... So, uh... do you like donkeys? *beat* Has... anybody ever eaten iced cream... before? I think I have... Well, the movie's going to begin.
Inspector Ratchet's voice fades out on the last sentence as the title screen and opening credits appear in a black and white tone while Judy Garland's famous rendition of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" plays.
James Rolfe: *voiceover* This is Witch of the East; she was evil. She got a house dropped on her, and now she's dead. Dead as shit! This is the Wicked Witch of the West; also evil. She got water poured on her, and melted. Melted like diarrhea in the hot sun! This is the Witch of the North; she was good. Real good. Her name was Glinda. This is the Witch of the South; also good. Her name was Dorothy. Unlike the other witches, she did not come from the land of Oz. She came from Kansas.
(The film fades to color as we see Dorothy standing in front of the farm with her dog, Toto, while holding a pickle.)
Dorothy: You know, Toto, life is boring.
Toto: Woof!
Dorothy: I wish there was something else to do.
(Suddenly, Dorothy's Uncle Crunch, who has a realistic human mouth, jumps into the scene.)
Uncle Crunch: Dorothy! What'd I tell you about talkin' to that damn dog?! He's not gonna talk back, you know! Now, put them nasty pickles away and count them chickens!
Dorothy: Oh, I'm sorry, Uncle Crunch.
Uncle Crunch: God damn it, girl! You don't call me Uncle Crunch, you call me Pa! Now, put down that pickle!
He smacks the pickle out of Dorothy's hand, which lands on the ground. She picks it back up and puts it in front of her mouth.
Dorothy: But, I love pickles! Pickle, pickle, pickle, pickle-
Uncle Crunch: *uppercuts the pickle out of Dorothy's hand* My god, see if you eat it now, you damn pickle whore! Now, count them chickens!
Uncle Crunch walks away and Count von Count from "Sesame Street" makes a brief appearance.
Count von Count: Count the chickens. Ah, ah, ah.
The pickle flies through the air and lands in the pig's anus, promptly causing it to take a dump onto the pickle, burying it. All of a sudden, the ground starts shaking.
Dorothy: Oh, my!
(The cause of the tremor was an approaching Sandcrawler, out from which three hooded figures emerge, who look like the Jawas.)
Uncle Crunch: What the hell do you little things want?!
(The Tin Man (who has Data's head from "Star Trek: The Next Generation") and Tick-Tock also appear come out from the Sandcrawler.)
Uncle Crunch: What, you want me to buy these damn things?! What can they do?!
Dorothy: Oh, look, Toto! It's Tin Man & Tick-Tock from Oz!
(The Tin Man throws his axe into the ground.)
Uncle Crunch: Ah, you can chop wood! What about you?!
A water faucet appears from Tick-Tock's crotch and starts running.
Uncle Crunch: All right, you can water the crops!
(Dorothy runs home to tell her aunt about the visitors, who has the face of a certain American rapper.)
Dorothy: Auntie Eminem! Auntie Eminem!
Auntie Eminem: What is it, Dorothy?
Dorothy: It's Tin Man & Tick-Tock! They're real!
Auntie Eminem: Dorothy, I thought you were over this Oz nonsense! Don't want to end up in the asylum again, do 'ya?
Dorothy: Look out there!
(Auntie Eminem looks out the window and sees Uncle Crunch with Tin Man & Tick-Tock in tow.)
Auntie Eminem: Well, it looks like he just bought some mechanical helpers to work on the farm.
Dorothy: Don't you see? They're Tin Man & Tick-Tock from Oz!
Auntie Eminem: Dorothy, that's enough! You stop right now!
Dorothy: I'm tellin' Uncle Crunch!
Auntie Eminem: Oh, shit's gonna hit the fan real hard.
(Dorothy runs back to Uncle Crunch to tell him the news.)
Dorothy: Uncle Crunch! Uncle Crunch!
Uncle Crunch: What the hell'd I tell you?! You don't call me Uncle Crunch, you call me Pa!
Dorothy: Don't you know who these are? They're Tick-Tock & Tin Man from Oz!
Uncle Crunch: By god, Dorothy! What the hell'd I tell you about all that freakin' Oz bullshit?! You better stop smokin' that crack, y'hear?! You shut up and clean these robots!
(In the bathroom, with Tin Man in the bathtub and Tick-Tock drying off...)
Dorothy: Why didn't you guys tell him?
Tin Man: Oh, because, Dorothy, your uncle's one tough bastard. He'll dismember us if we took your side.
Tick-Tock: We have to get down to important things now. Dorothy, I have a message to give you.
(A blue light shines down onto the floor from Tick-Tock's chest and a hologram of a big-breasted Glinda appears.)
Glinda: Oz is in trouble. Help us, Dorothy, you're our only hope.
Dorothy: Oh, that was Glinda!
Tick-Tock: You have to come to Oz to help us, Dorothy.
Dorothy: Um, my uncle wouldn't like that a bit.
(Later, Dorothy, Uncle Crunch, and Auntie Eminem are all sitting at a table at dinner.)
Dorothy: You have to listen to me!
Uncle Crunch: Look, I listen enough! Now, you eat your dinner and go to bed, bitch!
Dorothy: I have to skip school tomorrow! My friends from Oz need my help!
Uncle Crunch: If you wanna skip school, why don't you play sick, you dumb whore?!
Dorothy: No, seriously! I have to leave right now to save them!
Uncle Crunch: Fine, then! You get out of this house! Right now, you fuckin' cnut!
(Dorothy picks up her dinner plate and Uncle Crunch smashes it.)
Uncle Crunch: No! You don't get no dinner! Now, get the fuck out of here before I shove this broken plate up your motherfuckin' pussy-hole!
(Uncle Crunch goes on a destructive rampage and tears the kitchen apart.)
Uncle Crunch: God damn it, bitch!
(Dorothy escapes from her house and looks at the sunset as "Binary Sunset" from Star Wars Episode 5 plays in the background.)
Dorothy: Oh, Toto, how are we going to get to Oz this time?
(She is approached by the Tin Man & Tick-Tock, as flashbacks to TWOO 1 and 2 are shown.)
Tick-Tock: Well, Dorothy, the first time was by air, the second: by water. So, the only way now would be by land.
(The Sandcrawler returns along with the three hooded Jawas, who reveal themselves to be Munchkins in disguise. One has blue hair, one green and one red, (with his knob sticking out))
Blue-Haired Munchkin: God damn, I fucking hated wearing those things.
Dorothy: Oh, my! You're Munchkins!
Blue-Haired Munchkin: No shit! What'cha fuckin' think, you dumb bitch?
Dorothy: Well, you're awfully rude.
Red-Haired Munchkin: Eh, like you're fuckin' perfect, bitch?
(He drinks from a bottle of 40)
Green-Haired Munchkin: Anyway, you got to come with us, Dorothy. The rest of the munchkins would be so proud of us when they see we brought you. You see, we've been kicked out of Munchkinland.
Dorothy: Oh, why were kicked out of Munchkinland?
Red-Haired Munchkin: Nyeh, we was assholes.
Blue-Haired Munchkin: Man! You know, fuck those fuckin' munchkins, man! Why the fuck should we help them?
Green-Haired Munchkin: 'Cause Munchkinland's got the best drugs. So, Dorothy, are you comin'?
Dorothy: Oh, I don't know, I'm really hungry. I missed dinner.
Blue-Haired Munchkin: Aw, you're hungry? Man, we'll fix that. C'mere, doggy. C'mere.
(Toto goes toward the Blue-Haired Munchkin, who then proceeds to stab him repeatedly, and all his blood comes out, much to Dorothy & the Tin Man's dismay. The other munchkins soon join in on killing the dog, one jumping on him repeatedly.)
Dorothy: Oh, no.
(The Red-Haired Munchkin tackles her to the ground and jumps on her while the Green-Haired Munchkin feeds pieces of her own dog to her on a stick, which she indeed eats)
Red-Haired Munchkin: Eat it, bitch!
Green-Haired Munchkin: Eat it, bitch!
Dorothy: Well... that was pretty good, I must say. But, that was my dog.
Red-Haired Munchkin: Hey, are 'ya hungry anymore?
Dorothy: ...No.
Blue-Haired Munchkin: Then, quit your yappin', you cnut.
Green-Haired Munchkin: So, Dorothy, are you ready to come to Oz?
Dorothy: Yeah, I just want to know what the trouble is.
(The classical music piece Mars - The Bringer Of War, from Holst's The Planets Suite plays in the background)
Tick-Tock: Dorothy, there is much we have to tell you. Oz has been taken over by an evil force.
Dorothy: Worse than the Wicked Witch?
Tick-Tock: Yes.
Dorothy: Worse than the Nome King?
Tick-Tock: Oh, yes.
Dorothy: What could possibly be that bad?
Zoom-in on Tick-Tock's face.
Tick-Tock: ...Satan.
Dorothy: Oh, OK. That's pretty bad.
Tick-Tock: Even worse: he has just gotten his hands on the Ruby Slippers, which allow him to leave Oz & take over your world, too, Dorothy.
Dorothy: Oh, no. If he has the Ruby Slippers, then that would lead him... home...
(She rushes back to her house.)
Tick-Tock: Wait, Dorothy. It's too dangerous.
(When Dorothy returns, she sees the place has been destroyed, along with her aunt and uncle. Good!)
Dorothy: Oh, no. They're dead.
(From the pile of pig manure, the pickle from earlier emerges from it, now sentient. Like Pokémon, he can only say his name, and his name is...)
Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.
(Shit Pickle heads over to Dorothy and gets her attention.)
Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.
Dorothy: Oh, my. You're alive.
Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.
Dorothy: What's your name?
Shit Pickle: Shit... Pickle.
Dorothy: Nice to meet you, Shit Pickle.
Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.
Dorothy: I'm Dorothy.
Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.
Dorothy: I've had a bad day. My-
Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.
Dorothy: My aunt & uncle died-
Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.
Dorothy: My fr-
Shit Pickle: Shit...
Dorothy: My friends-
Shit Pickle: ...Pickle.
Dorothy: My friends in the land of Oz are in trouble.
Shit Pickle: Shit... Pickle, shitpickle, shitpickle, shitpickle, shitpickle.
Dorothy: And I ate my own dog.
Shit Pickle: *whispering* Shit Pickle.
Dorothy: Will you be my new friend?
Shit Pickle: ...Picklepicklepickle, shitpickle, shitpickle.
Dorothy: Great, come with me. We're on our way to save Oz.
(Some time later, the journey is completed, and after they all arrive in Munchkinland...)
Mayor of Munchkinland: Dorothy, thank you for coming. You're the only one who can save us. As for you guys (the three reject munchkins), I'll give you one more chance. If you can prove that you can stop being assholes, I'll let you stay in Munchkinland.
Blue-Haired Munchkin: Nyeh, go yank your cock through your ass, you fuckin' butt mongrel!
(The three munchkins get thrown into the dungeon, joined by some hanging skeletons.)
Blue-Haired Munchkin: Nyeh, them bitch-asses ain't got shit.
(Cut back to the centre of Munchkinland)
Mayor of Munchkinland: Anyway, Dorothy, thank you so much for coming.
Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.
Dorothy: No problem. We'll do anything to help.
Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.
Dorothy: But... what can I do?
Mayor of Munchkinland: Well, there's a dark secret of Oz which we never told you. But, now, it is important that you know.
Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.
(He then shows her the three spiralling Brick Roads which all begin at their feet)
Mayor of Munchkinland: This Red Brick Road leads to Hell, and Satan's evil power has found its way here to Munchkinland.
Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.
Mayor of Munchkinland: He has captured Glinda.
Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.
Mayor of Munchkinland: You must take the Yellow Brick Road to the Emerald City and ask the Wizard what to do.
Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.
Dorothy: Oh, OK. But, by the way, what about that Gray Brick Road?
Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.
Dorothy: What does that lead to?
Mayor of Munchkinland: That one leads to K-Mart.
Shit Pickle: ...Shit Pickle.
Mayor of Munchkinland: But, anyway, here are the rest of your friends to aid you on your journey.
(The Scarecrow, (a depressive with a hangman's noose around his neck), the Cowardly Lion (the 1939 MGM logo A.K.A. Jackie), and Jack Pumpkinhead (from TWOO 2) all enter the scene.)
Jack Pumpkinhead: Hi, mom.
Dorothy: Oh, hi. I missed you. I missed all of you guys.
Cowardly Lion: Rawr!
Shit Pickle: Shitpickle, shitpickle, shitpickle, shitpickle.
Cowardly Lion: Roar!
Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle, shitpickle, shitpickle, shitpickle, shitpickle.
Cowardly Lion: ...
Tick-Tock: Dorothy, are you really his mother?
Dorothy: Oh, I guess.
Tick-Tock: I believe that there is a 97.5% chance that he is not even related to you whatsoever.
Dorothy: It doesn't really matter, because-
Tick-Tock: Dorothy, he looks nothing like you.
Dorothy: That's OK.
Tick-Tock: Dorothy, his head is a pumpkin, your head is a regular-
Dorothy: Tick-Tock, that's enough!
Scarecrow: Dorothy, I'm sorry you had to get drawn into this ridiculous situation.
Dorothy: That's OK, let's go to Emerald City.
Scarecrow: What's the point of that? Something bad's gonna happen there, and then we're gonna have to come all the way back to confront Satan.
Dorothy: Well, I don't know. That's just what we're supposed to do. All right, come on.
Tick-Tock: Dorothy, if you want, I could do a DNA test to determine-
Dorothy: Shut up!
Cowardly Lion: Rawr!
Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle, shitpickle, shitpickle, shitpickle.
Scarecrow: This is gonna be stupid...
(Dorothy and her friends travel towards the Emerald City on the familiar path of gold stones and "Follow the Yellow Brick Road/We're Off to See the Wizard" plays.)
Singers: ♫ Follow the Yellow Brick, Follow the Yellow Brick, Follow the Yellow Brick Road... ♫
(As the heroes walk through the woods, a Munchkin, knowing that the Devil is about to imminently destroy the world, is seen hanging himself from a tree)
Dorothy: (singing) ♫ We're off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard Of Oz! We hear he is a wiz of a wiz if ever a wiz there was, if ever if ever a wiz there was, the Wizard Of Oz is one because, because-because-because-because-because... Because of the wonderful things he does! We're off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard Of Oz! ♫
(The heroes stop to rest close to the Emerald City, when TikTok asks a question)
Tick-Tock: Dorothy, can I ask you one more question?
Dorothy: What?!
Tick-Tock: When you were giving birth to him, how did his large pumpkin head fit through your-
(Tick-Tock's question is interrupted by a foot with a face and a baseball with legs appearing.
Foot: Hi, I'm Foot.
Ball: And I'm Ball.
Foot: And, together, we are...
Both: Foot & Ball!
(As punishment for them not using the obvious pun, suddenly, a lightning bolt comes out of nowhere and destroys both Foot & Ball. Another one comes and immobilizes Tick-Tock, causing our heroes to flee while "Walk All Over You" by AC/DC plays. As it turns out, the lightning bolts came from the Flying Monkeys, who have corkscrew penises and heads of the aforementioned band members. TikTok is knocked over and his legs cannot move)
Tick-Tock: Dorothy, I am about to die, could you please tell me-
(Before Tick-Tock can finish his question, he gets blown up by one of the Flying Monkeys. Then, they start assaulting Jack Pumpkinhead. After his pumpkin head gets shattered, it's revealed that he has a face exactly the same as Dorothy's, except with a goatee.)
Dorothy: Oh my God, he really was my son. Oh my gosh, you bastards!
(She turns to face the tin robot woodsman)
Dorothy: Tin Man, kill those Monkeys!
Tin Man: Oh, Dorothy, I can't do that.
Dorothy: What do you mean, you fucking pussy? You got an axe.
Tin Man: Oh, I don't have the heart.
Dorothy: Well, maybe the problem is you have too much fucking heart.
(She rips the Tin Man's heart out of his chest, reverting him to his old heartless self.)
Tin Man: *in a monotonous voice* Kill. Kill. Kill.
(He starts slaughtering the Flying Monkeys one by one. One of them tries firing a lightning bolt at the Tin Man, but it just bounces off of him. Once they're all slain, they continue towards the chaotic Emerald City)
Dorothy: (singing) ♫ We're off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard Of Oz! ♫
(Some time later, Dorothy and her friends eventually reach the Emerald City and enter Oz's (Captain James T. Kirk's giant, green disembodied head) chamber.)
Dorothy: Hi, Great Oz. We've come to ask for your help.
Oz: I am not The Great Oz. I am Satan, possessing his body.
Dorothy: Oh, no. How long do you plan to stay in the Wizard's body, Satan?
Oz: Until he rots. And lies, stinking, in the earth.
Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.
Oz: Besides, I rule Oz, now that I have Glinda. You've come right into my trap. Now, all I have to do is take you, the Witch of the South, and I can rule Kansas as well. And, soon after that, the world!
Dorothy: You killed my family, you son of a bitch.
Oz: No, I didn't. My new weapon of mass destruction has done it for me. And now, he'll kill your friends, too. Behold, my fucking ultimate weapon! The new automated, robified, powertronic cyberbot: Super Mecha Death Christ 2000 Version 3.0 Beta... bitch!
(And speak of the Devil, as if on cue, Super Mecha Death Christ 2000 Version 3.0 Beta breaks into the chamber and shouts at everyone.)
Super Mecha Death Christ: DIE!!!
(He blast lasers from his eyes and the weapons from his arsenal at them.)
Super Mecha Death Christ: FUCKERS!!!
(After they retreat from the Emerald City, the Cowardly Lion turns around to face the gargantuan war machine, who fires one of its lasers and knocks the Lion away. Then, The Gump - a creature with a moose head and a couch body from TWOO 2 Return to Oz - arrives to rescue them.)
The Gump: Hurry up, guys. Jump on my back.
(They all climb aboard and fly away safe and sound. All except for the Lion, who is now brave enough to take on the giant all by himself. He squares off against the SMDC2K V3.0 Beta and is shot at by a giant laser and jumps onto the Gump with all the others to avoid being hit, as SMDC retreats back to the City)
Dorothy: Lion, I'm glad you made it. The problem with you is that you're just too brave.
Cowardly Lion: *bleats like a sheep*
Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.
(Super Mecha Death Christ returns to the Emerald City and goes on a rampage, killing many Munchkins/celebrity guests, including Tom Cruise, the cast of Friends, Paris Hilton, Jay Leno, and Jar Jar Binks by shooting them with missiles ad laser beams, and basically reducing the whole city to rubble while "Jailhouse Rock" by Elvis Presley (slightly slowed down) plays in the background. Meanwhile, Dorothy and her friends have made it back to Munchkinland, where they tell the mayor the bad news, which was probably rather obvious)
Dorothy: It's horrible! Super Mecha Death Christ 2000's on the way! And, even worse, the Great Oz has been possessed by Satan! What are we gonna do?
Mayor of Munchkinland: Oh, I was afraid that would happen. It looks like you'll have to go to Hell to defeat Satan. And, then, when the Great Oz is un-possessed, he can tell you what to do.
Dorothy: Oh, OK.
Scarecrow: Dorothy, do you realize what he is telling you to do? If the Wizard is the only one who knows how to defeat Satan, how are you supposed to defeat him? And, if you do defeat him, then what's the point in going back to the Wizard? I've had it with this movie.
(A burst of fire erupts in the middle of Munchkinland, similar to how the Wicked Witch of the West first appeared. Only this time, it's a different witch with a generic cauldron & black cat, drawn in a cartoon style.)
Witch of the Middle: *cackles* I'm the Witch of the Middle!
Dorothy: Oh, my. I thought there weren't any witches left.
Witch of the Middle: Well, North, South, East, and West are already taken, so I'm the Witch of the Middle! *cackles again*
Dorothy: ...So, are you going to throw fire at us or something?
Witch of the Middle: Erm... no.
Dorothy: Oh, so you're a good witch.
Witch of the Middle: Hmm... I don't know.
Dorothy: Well, are you gonna help us defeat Satan? We could really use your help.
Witch of the Middle: Umm... no.
Dorothy: Well, why not? The more, the merrier, hee-hee-hee.
Witch of the Middle: Umm... I don't feel like it.
Dorothy: Please, we're all in danger! Satan is comin' to town!
Witch of the Middle: Hmm... Santa's coming to town? *cackles once more and disappears*
Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.
Dorothy: Oh. OK, well... whatever. Let's follow the Red Brick Road to Hell and defeat Satan.
Scarecrow: Fine, you guys can go. I'm gonna go follow the Gray Brick Road to K-Mart. I'm gonna by a shotgun from the sporting goods, and I'm gonna kill myself with it.
Dorothy: What? Don't talk like that! Come on!
Scarecrow: Dorothy, I'm sorry, but that's it. I'm just gonna go shoot myself.
Dorothy: No, you're not. You're coming with-
Scarecrow: I'm serious. I'm dead serious. I'm gonna go blow my fucking brains out.
Dorothy: No, you can't! You can't! You have to come to Hell with-
Scarecrow: *voice breaking* Forget about me. You go to Hell, I'm going to Heaven. I'm gonna blow my God-damn fucking brains out.
Dorothy: No, please!
Scarecrow: You're all so ignorant. I mean, don't you realize how it feels to be a badly-made character in a movie that lacks any intelligence? This movie's my life, and I can't take it anymore! *starts walking towards K-Mart* I'm just gonna... just gonna shoot my fuckin' brains out, bitch...
Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.
Dorothy: You guys (Tin Man & Cowardly Lion) follow him and make sure he doesn't kill himself. Shit Pickle and I will go to Satan.
(On the Gray Brick Road, the Scarecrow sees many trees with different types of items on them.)
Scarecrow: Oh, I hope I'm almost there. Look, an apple tree, a lunch pail tree, and a... what? A "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze" tree?
(A vial of mutagen falls from the tree and hits the scarecrow, causing him to mutate from a drawing back into his movie counterpart.)
Scarecrow: Huh? Oh, well. *continues on his way*
(Meanwhile, on the other path, they have approached a land of sand, with horse skeletons walking around, and a sign pointing the way to Hell, written in blood...)
Dorothy: I remember this, Toto... I mean, Shit Pickle, this is the Deadly Desert from the second Oz movie, "Return to Oz".
(Back on the Gray Brick Road, the Tin Man & Cowardly Lion step into a puddle of mutagen from the same vial that mutated the Scarecrow, reverting them to their movie counterparts.)
Cowardly Lion: (as Bert Lars) Oh, my! What happened? I'm a lion! That means, I'm king of the forest! *laughs and growls* Aw, shucks!
(He hears a bird caw, and jumps in fright as he has clearly lost all all his courage)
Cowardly Lion: Oh, no! What was that? What was that? I don't want to go any further! Do we have to? Dorothy told me not to be brave!
(Dorothy and Shit Pickle have come to a hole at the end of the Red Brick Road that, supposedly, leads to Hell, guarded by a cactus that has a face who is staring blankly at everything)
Dorothy: Oh, look, Shit Pickle. We're almost to Hell.
(A giant talking sandwich wearing a witch hat emerges from the hole.)
Dorothy: Oh, no!
Sand-witch: *cackles* I'm the Sand-witch! I'm gonna take you to Hell!
Dorothy: Wait!
The Sand-witch drags Dorothy down the hole, and Shit Pickle follows after.
Sand-witch: Right after I shove this cactus up my bologna asshole and vagina!
(The cactus then shows a very surprised look on his face. Meanwhile, at K-Mart, (With Phil Collins' You Can't Hurry Love playing on the intercom) the Scarecrow is then loading a pistol, as the store clerk does hardly anything to stop him)
Store Clerk: Umm, hey, man. You can't load that in here.
(The Scarecrow (with a human hand) inserts the barrel of the pistol into his mouth and pulls the trigger. The brain that the Wizard so kindly gave him in the first TWOO is blown out)
Store Clerk: Dude, man, you're nuts.
(Meanwhile, in Hell (which is hand-drawn with real fire in the background), the heroes are about to face off against the prince of darkness himself...)
Dorothy: Oh, what are we gonna do, Shit Pickle?
Shit Pickle: Shitpickle, shitpickle, shitpickle, shitpickle, shitpickle.
Dorothy: Oh, no, here comes Satan.
(Then Satan himself (crudely drawn as a cartoon character) rises up from the lava.)
Satan: *laughs evilly* I'm Satan, and I've got you trapped!
Dorothy: Well, that's kinda obvious.
Satan: Well, what's not obvious is that the Year 2000 is approaching!
Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.
Satan: That is Doomsday! Super Mecha Death Christ is gonna blow up the world-
Shit Pickle: Shit...
Satan: -and there's nothing you can do about it!
Shit Pickle: ...Pickle.
Dorothy: Oh, boy, it looks like we're in a real pickle now.
Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle, shitpickle, shitpickle, shitpickle, shitpickle.
(When it seemed all hope was lost, just like he would in his commercials, the Kool-Aid Man crashes through the wall, and knocks out Satan, crushing him dead)
Kool-Aid Man: Ohhhhh, yeah! Who wants some mother-fuckin' Kool-Aid?!
Dorothy: Oh, thanks, Kool-Aid Man. You saved us.
(However, a burst of fire comes from out from one of the walls, burning up the jug of juice as Dorothy and S Pickle jump out of the way, as the fire blast has came from a certain someone much worse than Satan.)
Lucifer: *laughs evilly* I am Satan's evil twin, Lucifer! You may have defeated my brother, but there's nothing you can do about his ultimate weapon: the new automated, powertronic, robofied-
Dorothy: *overlapping with Lucifer* Yeah, yeah, yeah. Modified, megatronic superbot: Super Mecha Death Christ 2000.
Lucifer: B.C. Version 3.0 Beta, bitch!
Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle.
(In another part of Oz, Super Mecha Death Christ 2,000 Version 3.0 Beta, now upgraded to version BC, resumes his reign of terror and destroys many buildings and movie billboards in the process (using stock footage from Godzilla films).)
Super Mecha Death Christ: FUCKERS!!! FUCKERS!!! FUCKERS!!! FUCKERS!!! DIE!!! EVERYBODY DIE!!! DON'T LET ANYBODY LIVE!
(Outside of K-Mart, the store clerk throws the "dead" body of the Scarecrow into a dumpster, who clearly survived killing himself, because he can live without a brain as shown in the first TWOO. And, right beside the dumpster is a time warp vortex.)
Scarecrow: Duh, I shot my fuckin' brains out.
(The Scarecrow is then pulled into the portal and vanishes. Then the Heartless Tin Man & Cowardly Lion appear.
Tin Man: Look, Scarecrow must have landed in that time warp over there.
Cowardly Lion: Oh, a time warp! That's what that is! I didn't know what that was, but now I know! Thanks for clearing that up for me!
(Both of them starts getting sucked in)
Cowardly Lion: Oh! Oh, no! Now, I'm scared! I'm scared! Tin Man, hold me! Hold me, Tin Man!
(The two characters spin through a time vortex and scenes and images from the first WOO are shown)
James Rolfe: *voiceover* With about 20 seconds left until Armageddon, the Lion, the Tin Man, and the Scarecrow escape the doomed future by means of time travel through some kind of Warp Zone, which erased their memory and put them back into the first "Wizard of Oz" movie. The Scarecrow has no brain, the Tin Man has no heart, and the Lion is now a coward. These characters will now embark on a new mission to find what they have lost.
(In front of the destroyed city, SMDC2K BC v3.0 Beta shoots a giant firework rocket into the sky)
James Rolfe: Meanwhile, with less than 10 seconds left, Super Mecha Death Christ fires a "World Blower-Upper Bomb", which goes up in the air and comes down as Lucifer counts the seconds off.
(Each number appears in flame, then a digital countdown is shown)
Lucifer: *voiceover* 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!
James Rolfe: *voiceover* The year "99" changes to zero, resetting the space-time continuum back to the year "0", which was when Jesus was born. So, at the last second before impact, Super Mecha Death Christ reverts back into Baby Christ, obviously not an evil-doer, so, he puts up a force field and blocks the "World Blow-Upper Bomb" and redirects it to Hell to blow up Lucifer instead!
(Back in Hell, the villain is finally nuked, but this will come at a terrible cost... Another version of SMDC with a RoboCop body back in 2000 B.C.E. is shown appearing getting stomped on by prehistoric life, and SMDC2K BC V3.0 from a scene earlier dissolves out of existence, then flashes of random things appear)
James Rolfe: However, the fact that Super Mecha Death Christ was labelled 2,000 "B.C.", it denies its existence in the present time. So, a prototype of Super Mecha Death Christ appears in the year 2000 B.C., where the Cavemen, the Vikings, and the Egyptosaurus destroy it, which prevents the creation of the new 3.0 Beta version, which cancels the meaning of Dorothy ever having to come to Oz in the first place, which means the Scarecrow, the Tin Man, & the Cowardly Lion would have never met the Wizard of Oz and asked for a heart, a brain, and courage. And, Baby Christ being present in Oz makes no sense for it being the Bible! So, if there's no Jesus, there'd be no New Testament, and Satan would have nothing better to do besides sit around and stick his pitchfork up his ass! And, the son of Damien would be playin' croquet with the angels, dogs and cats would be rolling in the mud... (A flashback to the tornado scene) …and Dorothy would be reincarnated into a pig takin' a shit up the side of a barn, and it all creates a big, time, paradox. And the whole fucking movie EXPLODES!
(A massive explosion occurs. And, just when things seem to calm down, another one occurs to deliver one final jumpscare.)
The end!